My Internet Service Provider Sucks but My Vacuum Doesn't

I can't get online at my house. Every time I do it dumps me off and then I get really mad and yell at it, but it just stares at me, mocking me. So, I think, fine if I can't play online, I'll clean. So I try to vacuum my one and only carpeted room and within 2 minutes its completely clogged with dog hair. We shaved our German Shepard mix, Xena ,for the Summer. She looks like a jack rabbit, it's so cute. She feels like a freshly shorn sheep. Well, I don't know how she feels, by the looks of she gets from the other dogs, I'm guessing she feels more like a jackass than a jack rabbit, but thats how it feels to touch her. Her paws are enormous. People keep telling us, "Look at those big paws and giant ears! She is going to be a big dog when she gets older!" I just smile because she is seven years old. She doesn't take after me, because I have mutantly small feet. I am 5'9 and wear a size 7 1/2-8 shoe. It's a wonder I don't fall over when I walk. Chris always says, how can something so tiny smell so bad? I do have stinky feet, it's true.

Speaking of tiny feet, I had dinner with Dorothy and Trevor last night. He is sooo cute. He is three weeks old and he makes all kinds of weird noises. I sniffed him. I heard it really can help you get pregnant. Dorothy's dog Jasmine almost attacked me to "protect" Trevor. I think she thought I was going to eat him. Scared the crap out of me. I have decided that pregnant friends and friends with children do not make me mad or jealous. Because in some small way I get to be a part of their child's life and watch them grow. It makes me happy instead. I am sad because Trevor is moving a half hour away on Monday, but then my favorite kid in the world, Sean is moving into his house next door. I don't know if I have talked about Sean yet. He is so smart. When he was two (one short year ago), and he was at our house visiting, he came up to me while I was feeding the dogs. He put his tiny little hands into his little pants pockets, cocked one leg out in a casual manner and said, "So what do you feed these dogs, anyway?" To which I immediately turned him over and searched for his batteries, because whose 2 year old talks like that? He adores Chris, and the feeling (though Chris honestly is not a big fan of kids) is completely mutual. His mom asked Sean to give me a hug as they were leaving, and I never want him to feel he has to give me a hug. So I said, "It's OK Sean, you don't have to give me a hug." And Chris says, "Sean, can I have a hug?" Sean just ran at him and threw himself into Chris' arms. Chris just melted. All evening long Chris kept saying, "Sean hugged me and not you." To which I just smiled, because I remember the days when Chris couldn't stand any kids. Back when I would want to talk of starting a family and he wouldn't hear of it. So I was happy. Chris used to be a mechanic so last time Sean came over Chris got out one of his tool boxes. (I ran screaming across the room, when Sean picked up a VERY sharp pair of pliers which probably scarred him for life.) Sean took a hammer to the front door, pounded on it, then covered the bottom half with electrical tape, then turned to Chris and said, "I already fixed you washing machine, now I fixed your brown door, (with and overdramatic sigh) is there anything else that needs to be fixed?" HE WAS TWO YEARS OLD!!!!!! I want a child just like him, except, he had colic when he was born and he is a not very tough. Chris needs a little tough guy. Sean has this game he plays with our Pit Bull puppy, that he calls "Plunk" I don't know what the rules are, but he obviously does. Mostly in entails Sean jumping on Riley's back or him attacking her with pillows. She loves it. She just follows him around and puts up with anything. I have another dog, Bailey who is NOT good with kids. I though she would be because she is part yellow lab and was a trained therapy dog, but no. When Sean came over she sat in a corner, totally freaked out and just watched him. I kept a hand on her and kept telling her it was ok but she was way spazzed out. Sean was playing plunk and he ran backwards and fell on Bailey and she bit him! Luckily she only got a mouthful of his hair. "What that dog did my hair?" he asked. Needless to say, Bailey is no longer allowed in the house when he visits. It's funny though, Sean always wants to see her. "Where is that grumpy dog, Bailey?" he always asks. Then he always says, "Xena and Gabby and Riley can come inside, but not Bailey, she too grumpy." I only told him their names once but he remembers each of them. Sometimes he puts his hands in the air, and says, where's Bailey? Can she come play?" I remind him she bit him, he says, "Oh, yeah she needs to stay outside." Last time he was growling at the dogs and kind of freaking them out and his mom, Alicia said, "Sean don't growl at them." and he goes, "OK, but Mom, I really want to." "No, Sean," she says. He got this really cute twinkle in his eye and he goes, "Alright but I really, really want to grrrrrrrrowl at them." It was hilarious. Can you tell I just adore this kid? I can't wait to babysit. I adore Alicia, I really do, but not only did she keep her perfect figure during pregnancy and only added a perfectly round basketball, but I saw her right after in a 2 piece suit and her tummy was perfectly flat and toned. Beyatch!!!!

RANDOM THOUGHTS
1)Is it weird that I think my dogs feet smell like a hamster? I read on someone else's blog that their dogs feet smell like fritos so, now I know I am not the only one who notices such things.

2) My usual eyebrow habit is to just make sure there are two separate ones. However today I am getting them shaped and I am nervous. I kinda like my big fuzzy catipillar eyebrows

3)If I don't tweeze I look like Bert from sesame street

4) I am working an OT shift from 7am-1pm and I haven't been asleep since yesterday afternoon.

5) I am probably not alert enough to handle the 911 line or any life threatening emergencies

6) I saw the sun for the first time in weeks (I sleep during the day) and it frightened me.

7) I promised Chris I wouldn't allow Riley in our bed anymore. I get around that promise by sleeping on the guest bed when he isn't home. She cuddles against my belly and I feel like a Mommy.

8) When I arrive at the dog park, I often double the amount of dogs present

9) I am terrified of crickets

10) There are a lot of crickets in my home.

11) I am ovulating today.

12) I am 8 DPFF (days past fast food)

13) Though I completely cut out soda and fast food from my diet, I have gained 2 pounds...Why am I bothering?

14) When I am ovulating, sometimes I feel like I am raping my husband. (Sorry Mom), but its how I feel. It's like "Dance monkey, dance!"

That's it for now. Only 2 more hours of work.