WAITING FOR THE POT TO BOIL (PART II)

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Saturday, November 27, 2004

I Killed My Beautiful BLOG. AKA Standby for Technical Difficulties

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at my BLOG I killed it. I accidentally messed up the font and cut off my Title. I have submitted a request for help to "Blogger" I hope they can help. I knew I was computer retarded and yet I had to try to play around in the settings page. I hope they can fix it. I don't want to be "For the Pot to Boil." Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

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Not to depress anyone, but here are just a couple of the lame ass things people did to one another this Thanksgiving Holiday:

Man crossing the street run over not once but twice. Both drivers fled the scene. Second driver still outstanding, first one did later call 911--FOR HERSELF. She got a piece of glass in her eye. She failed to mention to the EMTs that she got said piece of glass when the man she hit, broke her windshield with his body.

Officers, arrive at the scene of an apartment where neighbors smelled something "funny." Upon further investigation, elderly female, deceased, is discovered. This wouldn't be so bad, as it seemed to be from natural causes, except for the fact that her CARE giver had been walking around the dead body for a WEEK. Even though, to move about the house she had to climb over the body, she saw no reason to call the police.

Moral of the story; if you run over someone with your car, or the person entrusted to your care dies, for the love of Jumping Jehosephat, do something other than cramming your head up your arse. (Stepping down from soap box now.)

Thursday, November 25, 2004

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! (Updated)

Turkey calories don't stick, did you know that? At least that is what I am telling myself. The turkey wasn't the only one going "gobble gobble." I had to leave my Thanksgiving dinner before the turkey was done, to go to work. Poor, poor me. On a happier note, all the police officer's on tonight's shift chipped in and got a turkey dinner. They let me chip in too. Yay! I just want some turkey!
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So, yesterday was the first day I was able to be romantic with my husband since the surgery. (Don't worry Mom the following is G-rated.) Note to self: If you are going to get all gussied up and set a romantic mood with candles.... Don't remove your husband's shirt, throw it across the room with oh so much finesse, only to have it land on one of said candles....Fwoomp! Sigh.
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Well, good night! Hope you all had a wonderful day with family and are not stuck at work. Especially if being at work means you will be taking 911 domestic violence calls from families who, only see each other once a year and get into drunken brawls, all night long. (Wish I was kidding.)
*****************Updated 11/26/04***********************

I forgot to give answers from last time's movie quiz. Here are the answers:

1) Elf
2) Austin Powers
3) Naked Gun
4) Super Troopers
5) Ace Ventura Pet Detective
6) Airplane!
7) Tommy Boy
8) Hot Shots!
9) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
10) Anchorman

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Pokey the Puppy and a Plethora of Pointless Ponderables

Today began with me climbing bleary eyed into the shower, still wearing my socks and went downhill from there. I only got 4 hours of sleep. Better than yesterday because my motto has always been, "8 or more, or less than 4" when it comes to sleep. My theory is that if you get less than 4 hours sleep the ball is still rolling from the day before, so I feel OK. Today my belly button feels better, but the lower incision, (the one in my "fur" as Chris so eloquently put it), really hurts.
Note to self: If you are going to save time by putting on your shoes at work, because you are running late, don't forget your shoes. I am still at this moment, wearing argyle socks with leopard print slippers. Did I already tell you that I got pulled over by my own officers on my lunch break the other day. Totally embarrassing. And funny. Speaking of embarrassing/funny, I saw a "You might be a redneck if...." cartoon, and it said, "You might be a redneck if; when you slam on the brakes, four dogs hit the dashboard." Yikes. Mom I can hear, I told you so all the way from here.
Lately I have been reading Sean the "Pokey the Little Puppy" series. The one about Pokey and his 4 puppy siblings. (They are not named, in any of the books, but Sean swears their names are Hertzel, Turgel, Satchel and Nacho.) The other day we went to the dog park and there was this puppy that looked exactly like Pokey. Sean was so excited, "Becky, look it's Pokey the little puppy!" The owner, who must have had a heart of stone, said, "Her name isn't Pokey its Tibi. She is a Shar-Pei, Dachshund, Boxer mix." All snooty like. I wanted to say, "I hate to break it to you lady but that is a Beagle/Pitt mix." But whatever. I am kind of a connoisseur of dogs. I can almost always tell what mix, mutts are. I can also tell how old they are by their teeth and read their moods really well. Just call me the dog whisperer. I digress, so this lady didn't find Sean cute or charming, and she was really, really not amused when Sean cornered said puppy in the little dog yard. (Picture 10 feet by 6 feet of cordoned off chain link.) Her annoyance quickly took a turn for the worse when Sean slammed the gate to this area shut, so Tibi couldn't escape and proceeded to chase her around,in a circle, in the enclosure. This caused poor little "Pokey" to squeal like a little piggy, while Sean chased her yelling, "Get over here, Pokey!!! Now!!"

Where in the world is that Pokey little puppy?
There she is! Look at her run. Round and round the bench, goes Pokey.
Round and round, after Pokey, goes Sean.
Oh my, boy is Pokey's Mom mad!
Look how red her face is.
Goodnes, is that a vein popping out, on her forehead?
Uh-oh, Sean. Uh-oh, Pokey.
No strawberry shortcake for you, Sean!
No strawberry shortcake for you, Pokey!

The End

(If you've never read the Pokey the little puppy stories, I sound like a blathering idiot. Again.)

Pop quiz hot shots. If you can tell me what movies these quotes are from, you will win... well, nothing more than the satisfaction of knowing you are as addicted to cheesey movies, as I am. Sorry, I have nothing else to give. Here, we go, and Chris, you can't play because I know, you know every single one of these.

"It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms...and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me..."

"Allow myself to introduce........Myself."

"The truth hurts. Oh sure not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts."

"The Schnozberries taste like Schnozberries!"

"Yes, Satan? I'm sorry I thought you were someone else."

"Looks like I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue."

"I'm like Jo Jo the dancing bear with his shiny new toy. Then I take it and I smash it!"

"You're giving me your lucky mole?"

"She turned me into a newt!!!................I got better." Hint: This said with British accent.

"What? I can't understand you... [to a barking dog] Baxter! You know I don't speak Spanish!"

OK. I actually have work to do now. I know, at work! Crazy. Good night!

P.S. I finally figured out how to link in the column to the left; if you regularly read my blog, and your blog is not there let me know, it is not an intentional snub. I am still working on my list. Also, there are many more that I read, but I only wanted to call, people "Homies" who I knew, had read/commented here. Would you like to be my homie? Also, coming soon... I figured out how to add pictures! You, are about to get inundated with poochie pictures.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Oh Cruel Irony

So, my co-worker John and I traded an hour today. I got to come in at 8 pm instead of 7 pm, thus earning myself an extra hour and a half of sleep due to no more traffic. Then today I will stay until 8 AM for him. I was so exhausted when I got home yesterday, I thought I would sleep soundly until the alarm went off at 6:20 PM. Ha Ha Ha Ha. No. I woke up, BOING wide awake at 3 PM. Are you kidding me? Normally I wouldn't even have to wake up until 5 PM! So, I tried to go back to sleep, I tried everything. Usually when my thoughts won't stop racing, all I have to do is write down whatever is on my mind and then I can sleep. Two pages later, still thinking. I tried every trick in the book. I counted backwards, I meditated, I visualized, but try as I might my inner monologue would not, no matter what, shut the H$%# off. Come, gentle readers, enter with me, deep into my warped little mind, see what agony I endured. We join my thought process already in progress:

I have got to fall asleep or I am going to be so sorry tonight, long about 2 AM. Sleep. Sleep. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. S-L-E-E-P. Pee. Do I have to pee? Maybe a little. If I get up right now, even if I don't really have to, then I can probably sleep better later. But if I get up right now, I'll really, really wake up, then I might never get back to sleep. I'll wait. Wait. Waaaaaaaaaaaaait. Wait wait-bo-bait banana-nana--Cut it out! Wow, that bird, right outside my window, sounds like it's saying "Mine, mine" That's weird. I've got to relax. Relax, relax, relaaaaaaaax. Relax. Relax, (humming) go to it, when you want to go do it, relax, go do it, when you wanna goooo. I think that's a Duran Duran song. From like the eighties. Holy cow, the eighties. Eighty. (At this point I counted back slowly from 80.) Well, that didn't work. At. All, aaaallllll A-L-L. Do they still make A-L-L laundry detergent? (Singing) Mama, keeps the clothes bright like the summer, Mama's got the magic of Clorox bleach. Great, now I am singing commercials. [Mine, mine, mine] Oh that stupid bird. Shut up bird! Bird, bird, flippin the bird. Bye-bye birdie. Bird on a Wire. That was a funny movie. Who was in that...Goldie Hawn and........Mel Gibson! Meeeeelll Giiiibsoooon. I liked Braveheart a lot. Lethal Weapon, too. Lethal Weapon 4? Not so much. Gotta quit while you're ahead. Ahead. Head, head head. Riley is such a meat head. Speaking of Riley and meat, note to self: just because the Pup-eroni sticks, smelled exactly like Slim Jims, does not mean it was rational to think they would taste like Slim Jims. And the fact that I hadn't eaten all day, did not justify me sampling the dog treats. What was I thinking anyway, that was nasty. And stupid. Stupid, stooooooopid. Gotta get to sleep. S-L-E-E---wait, not going to go down that path again. Geez. What else can I do? I'll try deep breathing. In, out. In, out. Innnn and oouuut, In and out. In and out, that's what a hambuger's all about. Oh! I keep forgetting to buy stamps. Stamps. Stamps. Don't forget the stamps. StampsStampsStampsStamps. My belly button hurts. Hurts like a mo-fo. Got glue in my belly. Bellybellybellybellybelly. Belly. I pulled the strangest thing out of my belly button today. It was like--you know what I am going to stop myself right there. I am not even interested in the rest of that thought. I have to sleep! What else can I try. Pretend you are melting into the bed. Your limbs and extremities are melting, melting. "I'm melting, melting! I'll get you, my pretty and your"--stop it. Melting, melting, oh, I need to remember to pick up some hot chocolate on the way to work. 7-11 or Starbucks though? 7-11 is better but Starbucks is closer and I can get a pumpkin scone. Pumpkin. Officer Nick said "punkin", on the air, the other day. That was funny. That reminds me, I wonder when Jamba Juice will start serving their Pumpkin Smash. Yummy. Like pumpkin pie in a cup. Hmmm, described like that, it doesn't sound so good. But it is. If I could just keep my mind blank. Blank. Blank. Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank. Like a blank check. Oh, I have to remember to pay the Metro bill. Can't do that without the stamps. I know I am going to forget the stamps. StampsStampsStampsStampsStamps. OK, if I go to Albertson's and get store-bought Frappaccinos instead of hot chocolate, then not only can I get some Advil for my belly-button, I'll save time and I can buy stamps. Stamps! And maybe some OPKs. But only if they are on sale because we aren't trying this month. Gotta wait 2 weeks. 2 weeks. Well, it has been 10 days. I could test and then, only then, if it is positive, maybe we could... I think it's been long enough. 10 days is almost the same as 14 days, right? What's the worst that could happen (mental image of the worst that could happen.) OK then. 2 weeks it is. 2 weeks. Aaaaaahhhhh. I think I finally feel relaxed. Ready to go to... Zzzzzzzzz [Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!] You have got to be kidding me, I just barely closed my eyes!!!!!!!

And so here I sit, at work, at 5 in the morning, very tired. Tonight, I,m drinking a fifth of something or taking Nytol. Nytol will help you get your zzzzz's--Argh, now don't you start that again!

PS Make sure you enlarge the image, and zoom in, (and Chris ignore the price), and check out the dress I ordered online for the CHP Christmas dance. Va va va voom!

Friday, November 19, 2004

My Belly-Button Has Declared War on Me

**Very loooonng post. I have over a week of "catching up." Please, grab a cup of coffee, splash some cold water on your face, and join me. I understand if half way through you feel the need to jog around the block and do some brief stretches. Let us begin:

My belly-button--it hurts!!!! Not bad-enough-to-call-the-doctor hurts, just annoying-cut-it-out-already hurts. It feels like I did a hundred sit-ups, but I have no six pack abs to show for it. I have soooooooo much to say, where do I begin? My Lap, went really well. Doc H found endometriosis and burned it away. He says my uterus looks beautiful, (stop I'm blushing) and he did a hydro-chromo-tubation, which is like a mini-HSG, and he says the dye flew through my tubes, no problem. Can I just say I love this man for doing that procedure? Remember my insurance wouldn't cover the HSG so he said, if I did a Lap, he would "sneak" that in there. He kept telling me to remind him, because he doesn't normally do them during Laps. I reminded him the day before, and he had forgotten. So I called him into admitting on the day of, "Oh, yes, thank you for reminding me, I had forgotten." Chris wanted to write it on my belly in magic marker, but I thought that was just plain pushy. I didn't want to nag. I used a ball point pen instead--much more discreet, and it washed off easier. Speaking of washing things off easily.... If you have not yet had a laproscopy, but do one day in the future, allow me to give you some advice. That glue that holds your incisions together? Don't scrub that off. And if you decide you must, don't for the love of God, intentionally pull it off. Just because it can come off doesn't mean it should. Trust me. Learn from my mistakes. Moving right along, when I came out of surgery, Dr. H said not only was it a complete success, he thinks I should get pregnant in no time. Let me tell you why that frightens me. He has never been optimistic before. Never. He has always been vague and careful. Guarded and cautious. This unrestrained confidence, terrified me. I am going to remain skeptical. It's safer. Besides, I was kind of hoping for IUI. With Chris and my backwards schedules, we have more of a chance of me and a cup alone in a room together than he and I--any time soon. Speaking of which, like the finely tuned machine, my body is, I can tell I am ovulating. We aren't allowed to rendezvous until next week. Sigh. What a waste. We will begin trying again, "what-ever-happens-happens" in December and then insane-o with new and renewed vigor, as if starting all over again, fresh, in January. You heard it here folks, there will be OPKs bought, temperatures taken, headstands stood, nookie with passion-less abandon, wait that last one sounded wrong. Accurate, but wrong.... Anyway, you get the point. TTC is back in the house!!!!! Coming soon to a household near you!

And now some interesting (to me) things that have either happened or been on my mind this past week. Very random and in no particular order or relevance. Oh, how I missed my sweet, sweet BLOG.
**Today I found out my friend "S" has gone off the pill. She and her husband.. oh screw it, her name is Sarah and his name is Doug, its not like I told them about this BLOG-- Anyway, they announced that they have begun trying this month. Oh the nerve.They already have Derek who is 4. He was an "Oops" so I have no doubt she will be pregnant, after he breathes on her, and forgive me Lord but, I am already bitter--and I just found out hours ago. I'll be a raving lunatic by the time she conceives...next month. You get the point.
**Yesterday I saw my friend "D"s little boy, Trevor. Or shall I say, "Tomato Boy" or perhaps "Tank." He is one big round boy! And when he cries he gets all red like a tomato. He is already three months old now, can you believe it!! He is humongus. He dwarfs my friend B's 4 1/2 month old [seriously, B, no "dye pack" here]. I swear his head is the size of a large honeydew melon. I sniffed him. It was a wasted sniff but I did it anyway, just in case. "D" calls him mullet head. You know the hairdo part short, part long--business up front, party in the back.
**While I was laid up in bed this past week, Chris called in the entire time off, and pampered me. I got home cooked meals, any movies I wanted, hot chocolate daily and he even tucked me in.
** These are the movies that I watched this week: Elf,(****(4 stars))"Cotton headed ninny muggins!!!!" The Chronicles of Riddick, (*) Shrek 2, (****) 13 Going on 30, (****) Frakenfish,
(-*** I don't know what I was thinking. I am going to chalk that one up to the Darvocet) The Clearing(*1/2), The Stepford Wives (**1/2), Van Helsing (worse than Frakenfish. Yes, that bad.), Home on the Range, I watched this one under duress. Chris loves cartoons. I only like certain ones like ones done by Pixar or the Shrek-type.
**These are the CDs I bought: Breaking Benjamin, Perfect Circle, Flogging Molly, Papa Roach, Crossfade.
**As I said in my last post, Sean is going through a "Train Phase" so Chris and I bought him a new Thomas the Train pop-up book. We both went over to hand deliver it and Sean loved it. He yelled, "Wow! Trains! Thanks Chris!!!" Much to Chris' delight and my chagrin. Thank God we ended up buying the one that was only five pages long, because I swear I have read that thing to him at least ten times. He takes it everywhere. That day he "made" each of us take turns reading it to him. I loved it when it was Chris' turn. Got me a bit misty eyed, that did.
**I have decided I will not write a BLOG entry on my opinions, politically speaking. I was going to but I have decided: no political insights here. Nor, I have decided am I going to "let" Chris do an entry on his views, though he is welcome to in the comments section if he chooses.
**Took my adorable Pitt Bull puppy to the vet for her booster shots. Or should I say my Fatt Bull. "Your dog is 10-15 pounds over weight." Ah, just like her Mom, sniff, sniff. She weighs in at a hefty 70 #s. Let me share with you her current nicknames: Fat Ass, Snausages, Lil Porker, Holstein, Fattie. She is so cute though! Sean was sitting on the floor last night and she backed up and then sat in his lap! She is at easily 2 times bigger than him and weighs at least twice as much. It was hilarious, Sean just looked confused. Luckily she is very "front heavy" so he wasn't flattened or injured in anyway. She adores him, even when the game was, "Bury Riley under a stack of UNO cards and then jump on her" She loves him so much.
**I've been meaning to note, when I say OMG, for me that means Oh-my-gosh. And when I say things like "WTF?" or "f*&%ing" I must blame this on my 10th grade religion teacher, who taught me, "Cussing is not a sin, it's just vulgar." As a Christian, I try not to sin. But hey, I can live with being a little "vulgar" from time to time.
**I got the last of my layers cut off and I now have a really cute all one length hair cut. Kind of a long bob. Next I am going to dye it from light brown with a blonde streak, that it is now, to dark brown with a fire engine red streak. So, when I got my hair cut, the nice Asian lady said. "You need your eyebrow done" (I am going to hope that was a language barrier...) So I said, if you've got the time, I've got the money, and a beautiful relationship was born. My eyebrows look fantastic! I will even forgive her comment, of "You aw one a ha-wy woman." No, I am just Portuguese. I made her laugh, despite our language differences. She said, "You come back in two week or so, I do again." I said, "You don't know me--I'll see you in a few days."

And finally in closing, I leave you with another funny "Sean Story." The following exchange took place out of my line of view, so I, like you had only the words to go on. Allow me to set the scene. Me, laying on the couch feeling sore. Alicia (Sean's mom) sitting across from me. Chris, cooking at the stove one room over, Sean one room farther than the kitchen, using the bathroom, (still a new skill, Chris later told me, "His dad needs to take him back to the firing range and work on his aim.")

Sean: Chris, what are you cooking?
Chris: Whoa, little man you need to pull your pants up.
Sean: I can't, (keeps walking into the kitchen)
Chris: At least pull up your underpants, there's food in here.
Sean: (grunt) Its not working! Mooooooom! I can't get my pants up!
Alicia: Uh-oh, wardrobe malfunction. Coming Sean! ( She quickly enters the kitchen to help, Chris returns to the stove, his back to Alicia and Sean.)
Sean: Hey, Chris, look! There are two balls here!!!
Chris: Say whaaaatt!?!?!!?!?
Alicia: Very good Sean, that's right, there are two TENNIS balls in Xena's food bowl. She must have left them in there to play with later.
Chris: Oh thank God.

And now we are all caught up. It is now 5:30 AM and I only have an hour and a half to go. I am sooooooooooooooooooo sleepy! Good Night All! Mwah!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

No, As a Matter of Fact, I DON'T Want to Sniff Your Coal Box....

I adore, my little buddy Sean. He is the smartest three year old I have ever met. However, he is going through a bit of an odd phase right now. You see, he is a train. His name is Thomas the Train, do not make the mistake of calling him Sean or you will be smote down (smite? smitten? whatever-don't do it.) The following conversation took place at the dog park, on a bench, near an old lady and her ancient poodle, Poindexter.

Sean: Becky would you like to sniff my coal box?
Me: Um, I don't know Sean where is your coal box located?
Sean: Right here. (Proceeds to point at his bottom)
Me: You know what? I really don't want to sniff that. Bet there are a whole bunch of dogs here, though that wouldn't mind sniffing your coal box...
Sean: Why won't you?
Me: Tell you what, if you remove the coal box and place it somewhere else, more appropriate, like your hand, I would be happy to sniff it, until then I am pretty sure it's illegal.

I can only imagine what that sweet little old lady was thinking.

Friday, November 12, 2004

O' Little Darvocet So Brave and True

I can't write right now, I counting on becoming high as a kite. I had my Lap and I am in quite a bit of pain. I will write later when I can focus on the screen. Bye!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Red; It's Not Just for Communists Anymore!

My human sexuality instructor in college, said, as women, we should embrace our men-stroo-ation. (She said it just like that.) During our men-stroo-ation, we should light red candles, drink red wine, wear all red and take baths colored with red food dye. (Wouldn't that dye your skin......nevermind.) She also was admittedly in the middle of a nasty divorce in which, I think, her husband ran off with a much younger woman. Don't know if that was relevant at all, but she seemed to think so and mentioned it during every lesson. I digress, I was thinking of good ol "Red" and I suddenly realized; getting your period is a lot like going to the dentist. Often it hurts, it's always uncomfortable, you hate it, but know it is necessary. You want to put it off as long as possible but ultimately it's inevitable. When it's done you feel cleansed and relieved to have gotten it over with. This got me thinking. This is the first time I ever longed for "it" to come. That means all along I have been hating "it." Poor little Red, so despised and dreaded. So today, I salute you, old nemisis. In a interpretive monologue, I have entitled "I Raise my Glass to you":

Hello, my worst enemy, where have you been? Yes I am talking to you. Yes I know I usually cry and curse and swear and yell at you. But today, I wanted to mend the fences and tell you, thank you. Thank you for showing up in the eleventh hour. I even forgive you for being so late. I'm also pleasantly surprised your friends Horrifying Cramps and Lower Back Pain decided to join us. Welcome. Every pang reminds me I am back on schedule. Every agonizing sharp stabbing pain, lets me know Wednesday is still the big day. I loved spending my lunch money on heating pads, feminine products and extra strength advil, today, even though I was hungry and wanted to eat. I don't even mind that you came in the middle of my work shift. I really am glad you are here. Thank you. Come, stay a while. A short while. In fact you better be gone by Monday or so help me God...In fact, speaking of gone, you look tired. I think you need a vacation. How 'bout you take the next few months off? Specifically the next nine months...The End

Friday, November 05, 2004

Smacked Upside the Head by the Hand of God

OK, I wanted to write this yesterday but my work computer wouldn't let me have both the internet and the 911 screen up at the same time. As much as I wanted to be online, I fully realize that saving lives takes priority:) So part of the reason, I knew I was infertile is because my body is a well working, finely tuned machine. Day 14 ovulate. Day 28 period. This is why I was able to plan the laproscopy a month ago. Today is day THIRTY THREE. For me that's huge. And again, not pregnant, (not that I am not thinking that every other second.) My thought pattern goes like this: Bleed damn it, or don't if I am pregnant....Bleed damn it or don't I am pregnant --in an endless loop. The first thing one may think is, I am stressing myself out and causing the delay. True, but my body normally doesn't react to stress by delaying my period. I am so used to running to the bathroom at this time of the month and praying, "Please God, no blood......." Then I look. Totally opposite this month. This is the FIRST time since starting TTC I have wanted this and it is weird. It is also ironic. OK God, I get it. Lesson learned. Joke's on me. I always want what I want, when I want it and this whole infertility is the only thing that is just not handed to me. Boy oh boy this is a lesson in futility. I am one of the most impatient people I know! On a brighter note, my boss was totally cool about it, here is her response:

Becky,
We'll work around it, so don't worry about it. I hope your Dad has a speedy recovery. You can leave me a voice mail over the weekend and I'll be sure to call in for messages. If it has to be postponed, we'll just call off the people scheduled next week and see if they can work the following week. Take care and try not to stress out too much!

Isn't that great? And speaking of my dad he is doing great too. Came out of surgery fine and is already home. Well, I am done ranting. 'Night.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

America Has Spoken.

Normally I choose not to include politics on my BLOG. I already cover sex and religion though, so today I'll throw caution to the wind and briefly touch on politics. Very briefly. I am a Conservative Independent, I am in the minority as far as IF Bloggers go, but that is what is so wonderful about America, we are FREE to disagree. I have not gloated for one single second, and I truly hope GWB does not let us all down, he has a HUGE responsibility. I feel Horkin Ramblins said it better than I ever could, so that's all that I feel is needed on that topic.

So where, oh where, did my dear aunt flo go? It is over due and if it doesn't hurry up, I will have to postpone my upcoming laproscopy. Nooooooooooo!!!!!!! I said to myself, wouldn't it be great if instead of having the surgery and also for a 29th B-Day present, I was pregnant??? No such luck, it's just MIA (yes I caved and tested).... It would be awkward explaining to my boss and it's really hard to find shift coverage for graves. I couldn't sleep last night I was so over-wrought. What with my dad's surgery, (he's fine), my husbands medical issues, (not so great) and now, my period drama. I called up my FIL who has had a heart attack. I said, "Dad if you need to have any health problems, I need you to put them off until at least January, because I'm already filled up on familyl emergencies right now." He said, he'd see what he could do. Last night as I was worrying, I suddenly heard a very calm voice in my head, that said, "It will start Nov. 4th." Then I was finally able to sleep. Only time will tell if this was the hand of God, or early symptoms of schizophrenia...

My dogs are completely freaking out over this thunderstorm. Three of them made a dogpile (Ha Ha Ha) right in front of the shower, just to be near me. They were shaking and shivering like crazy. Two of them were genuinely terrified, and the third one, Riley, saw the other two and just decided to join in. You can't really blame them, what with their history with storms and all. About 4 years ago, when we lived in the 29 Palms desert, there was a thunder/lightening storm. Chris and I were at work, the dogs (Riley wasn't even born yet) were in the backyard. I wasn't really concerned about them because although they weren't allowed in the house when we were gone, they had an entire laundry room to stay warm and dry in. Back then, our friend Scott, would drive by our house and check on the dogs when we were working long hours. He called us at work and said, "Lightening struck the tree in your back yard, it's on fire!" Chris sped home, by then the tree was no longer on fire but it was completely spit in half from top to bottom by the lightening. Chris ran through the house and opened the laundry door; the dogs were literally piled three high against the door and they all fell into the house, relieved. So now, they don't do so good with thunder/lightening storms! They are on my mind today, I am glad their Daddy has the day off to "protect" them from the evil thunder.

And now, without further ado:

THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THINGS MY DOGS MUST LEARN:

1. I will not beg for food, my human knows I hate, and then spit it out onto the floor when my human gives in and gives me some.
2. I will not suddenly stare right above/past my human's head with huge saucer eyes and an alarmed look on my on my face, only to act completely normal when she turns back around to look at me. I know there was never anything there, in the first place. Note: This is especially bad when she is reading a Stephen King book late at night.
3. I will not get a mouthful of kibble and dribble it all across the kitchen, dining room, and living room floor, just so my human (who is watching TV in the living room) can watch me eat. Suprisingly, watching me eat is not high on her list of priorities.
4. Even if I close my eyes and inch forward, opening my mouth in slow motion--my human will still see me trying to steal the pizza in her hand.
5. I will not lick or steal raw chicken from the grill while my human is not looking.
6. I will not steal a loaf of bread, and then run around the house with it while my human chases after me. Try as I might I can never manage to inhale the whole thing by the time she catches up to me.
7. If my human ignores me and doesn't share her bacon, I will not reach over and gently tap her arm to remind her of my presence.
8. I will not raid the bathroom garbage can for tissues and chew them up, leaving small moist rolled-up tissue balls all over the house.
9. When my human yells at me to stop barking I will not wait 2 seconds and then quietly bark, once under my breath, just to get in the last word.
10. I will not seek out my human, only to walk up close to her and burp, I can do this alone.
11. When I am allowed to be in the car I will not insist upon sitting on my human's lap while she is driving, I am very large and she can't see out the front windshield.
12. I will not chase the broom every time my human sweeps and when asked to cut it out, I won't lay down right in the middle of the dust pile she is trying to sweep up! If I do this and get scolded I will not walk off in a huff, covered in swept hairballs.
13. I will not stare at my doggie sister and make mournful "heruhmmmm" sounds and wiggle franticly until she get out of her bed, only to repeat the whole process when she chooses her new bed. ( I have SEEN my Pitt puppy do this up to 4 times in a row!)
14. I will not walk through the open newspaper to gain my human's undivided attention as she is reading it while sitting on the floor.
15. I will never again, run out into the middle of a college boys game of football and take a huge poop, causing the entire game to come to a complete stop, while all the players wait and watch as my human embarrassedly picks up my poop. (Totally mortifying. And no one laughed at my lame joke about this being "off sides" either.)
16. When my human is tying her shoes I do not always have to run over and chase the shoelaces, this never helps... really.
17. When I do something bad and my human tries to lightly smack me on the nose, I will not skillfully dodge her hand so she ends up smacking air over and over again. It just makes her more angry.
18. I will not seek out my human anymore when I feel a huge sneeze coming on just so I can "share" with them.
19. Despite popular canine thought, the mail man is not the anti-Christ
20. We all four don't have to run to the front door and line up expectantly every time a large Dodge truck drives by. It's not always Dad and it makes Mom feel bad, when we get disappointed.
21. I will not throw my 85 pound body dramatically to the floor when my human briefly stops paying attention to me. Her laughter is not my desired effect anyway.
22. I won't nip at my dad's bum when we are trail running just because I want him to go faster, I have to remember I have twice as many legs as he does, he can't go as fastas me.
23. I will not give my human's entire outfit the third degree every time he comes home. (Xs 4)
24. I will not head butt my humans, I am a block headed pitt bull and it hurts them.
25. I will stop eating the "Almond Rocca" from the kitty litter box.
26. I will not pace back and forth whining when my humans are at opposite ends of the house. It's ok for them to not be in the same room sometimes.
27. I will not sit between my humans and paw at the one that stops petting me. It's ok if everyone in the room is not petting me at the same time.
28. I will not run through a field of jumping cacti and if I do I will sit still so my human can remove them without injuring themselves.
29. I will not chase after the small children on Halloween in my vampire costume even though my cape billowing behind me looked pretty cool.
30. I will not kiss my human and make incredibly adorable faces when she is scolding me. She needs to be able to stay mad at me for more than 2 seconds.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I Too Once Ran for Office

In honor of election day I will share with you, my earliest election memory. I was in the eighth grade and I ran for student body Vice President. I was a gawky, brace-faced, gangly, WHITE girl but I got my friend John to do the "beat-box" and I rapped. I know it's insane, but here, in all of it's glory is that rap:

My name is Becky B, please vote for me,
I'm the best Vice President you'll ever see.
I got the brains and the talent too, I wanna share
my ideas with you.

When you're around me you'll have lots of fun,
'cause Becky B. is number one!

I'm only gonna say this one more time:
Becky B. for V.P. in '89!

And I won! Cheney and Edwards eat your hearts out!

Monday, November 01, 2004

For Everything Else........

How much I have spent so far on OPKs...................................$300.00

On wasted pregnancy tests........................................................$400.00

Total cost of RE appointments...................................................$500.00

Complete wastes, IE. saliva predictors, BBTs, charts etc......$150.00

Upcoming Laproscopy................................................................$1000.00

Cost of progesterone, Clomid and various other drugs..........$800.00

Cost of 3 IUIs...............................................................................$450.00

Projected cost of multiple IVFs..................................................$18,000

The fact that despite all this, I still may never get pregnant?.......................

PRICELESS