Saturday, May 27, 2006

I Like to be Daring....BUT NOT WITH MY FOOD !!!

I am at work, and all I can think of is food. I am starving and having very bad food luck today. first I bit into my turkey sandwhich and it was bad, so after spitting it out and wiping down my tongue, I ate a TV dinner which had portions small enough for an infant. Then I had a Slim Fast which promised that it now, "Controls hunger longer," but I was hungry IMMEDIATELY, so how does that help me? Finally I had ANOTHER TV dinner, only to realize what I thought was chicken nuggets, was fish nuggets, EWWWWW!!!!!!! Ok, first of all my dad and I have a "nothing from the sea" policy for food, and secondly have you ever bitten into fish expecting chicken? Holy crap! It is kind of like drinking a root beer you thought was a Dr. Pepper, but sooo much worse! I may be repeating myself, but when I was pregnant, I thought my sandwich smelled really weird, but who knows...so I had my co-worker Selene smell it for me. She said "It's fine, smells just like ham." And handed it back. I chucked that thing so far across the room into the trash. "What did you do that for??" she asked, "BECAUSE IT WAS TURKEY!!!!!!!!!" OMG I hate food mishaps, I love to eat and I take my eating very seriously!!!!! Chris, can't stand the whole process of eating; he does it because he has to but he rarely enjoys it. Why can't I be like that. When I imagine heaven, I honestly see myself eating whole entire feasts. Sad I know..... Speaking of daring events I am completely naked, au nautrel, free as a bird....medication wise that is. Not only did I stop taking my birth control pills months ago, which Chris and I have deemed fondly, our game of "Russian Roulette" which, if you read this blog at all, you know is not a game being played with blanks! Ha Ha Ha....sorry Mom.... I digress, what I mean is, I stopped taking my Zoloft. It was accidental at first, I realized I hadn't taken it in quite some time. Then I realized it was too late; it was already out of my system (five days +), soooooooo what the heck, whether I immediately started taking them again, or adopted a nervous yet excited, "wait and see," attitude, it would make no difference. No matter what, if I decide to go back on them, I have to wait 4 weeks for the drug to take effect. I have been on them for over a decade and the first night I was so scared and tense. I kept giving my concerns to God and then taking them back. Part of my chemical imbalance includes obsessive thoughts and I have had a them once or twice, but it was really easy to "reboot" and force myself to think different thoughts. Now this was very minor compared to the extreme obsesive thoughts I am capable of having, but it is really good to know that I may now have the maturity and stubborness to fight it. My doctors told me after pregnancy my chemical imbalance may right itself. I have no problem going back on them if I must, I am not ashamed. I will keep you updated. So far, I can honestly say, my range of emotions has been more real and more vivid than I can remember...and I like it.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Lots of Fun In the Summer Sun

So my mom and pop in law, bought us an inflatable pool. Love it! It gets over 110 degrees during the summer so don't think I won't be joining little man. At first he gave us these long suffering looks, like, "What did I do to deserve this? Was I bad? Did I upset you somehow?" And lots of over dramatic, "Ohhhhhhs" like we had first filled the pool with ice cubes. After awhile he decided, it wasn't so bad. Then after we removed his 5 pound diaper, he was even happier. Chris says Liam's sun hat is "gay." I say he can't look gay, he is just a baby. This conversation went much like the Halloween costume, "is he a duck or a chicken" conversation where we must agree to disagree. Not gay.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mother's Day to Me...Waaaaaaahhhhh

Here is what I get to do on my very first Mother's day:

Drive to work, which is 3 counties, 8 freeways and 12 cities away for a grand total of 150 miles round trip! Do you feel sorry for me? Just a tiny bit? OK, then I feel better. I actually do not mind working tonight at all. My friend's shift that I am covering, has 2 little ones that will actually remember and notice if she is not there! But gosh darn it, I am taking next Mother's day off! And maybe even dare I say.... Liam's first birthday???? I have been working a lot this month; making hay while the sun shines so to speak. My in laws just moved here and there is a lot of work to be had at my old job and the extra money doesn't hurt. So far this month, though I have already put over 1000 miles on my truck and about $400 in gas. Yikes! I dunno how much it is where you live, but here it is running at $3.15 on a good day and $3.35 on a bad day. I am in backgrounds for a job at a local police department, and I am soooo excited because it is only 6 miles, one city, same county and 8 minutes away. PD backgrounds take forever, though so until about August, I'll be doing the long commute 2-4 times a week. I have my Polygraph on Thursday at 10am after an all night shift. I may sleep through it...while hooked to the machine. I am either a really good polygraph subject or a horrific one, depending on which way you look at it. I was raised Catholic, and that guilt stands out like massive red flags on a lie detector test. Last one I took, the guy asked me if I had ever stolen anything, besides the porcelain figurine, that I admitted to stealing from Inga in the second grade. Which by the way I would have gotten away with had my brother not told on me. So I said, no and then after the test the polygraphist said, I did fine, but what was I thinking about when he asked me the stealing question? He was curious. Oh, I said laughing, this morning Chris told me to stop stealing his work socks and I couldn't stop thinking about that. He found that very amusing. When he asked me about, if I had ever done drugs, he stopped the test and asked if I was paying attention because the reading was SO flat! Nope, I just never did them. I'd like to think I would never have experimented with the "Mary Jane" but truth is no one ever offered, so I don't know what I would have actually done, had the situation arose. I probably would have said no to marijuana. I am POSITIVE I would have said no to anything else. I took a sip of a wine cooler at a Vons grocery expo I was working when I was 17, and felt bad about it for ages. Oh yeah and I had 1/8 of a can of Zima at a Vons company picnic that same year. Bad Vons, bad! Oh, great now I am going to be thinking about this, when the guy asks me if I have ever had problems with alcohol. Thanks Catholic guilt.

Happy Mother's Day, guys!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hawaii 5-O Baby

Look at that face, can't you just tell he is up to no good? I have been working a lot lately and I miss little man soooooooo much. I am trying not to work 2 days in a row but the truth is since I pretty much only work nights, I am totally useless and mostly unconcious the next day. At least I get to feed Liam his breakfast in the morning and when I go to bed at 9 am it is his first nap time, so we cuddle. Well first he fights sleep and smacks me in the head several times, then we cuddle. No wait, first he goes "Dadadadadada" for a few minutes, then "TTTTTTTTHHHHBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT" then smacks me in the head and THEN we cuddle. I love it. Only 8 more hours plus 2 on the road til cuddle time!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Man I am Beat!

Look at that mischievious face! Is it any wonder I haven't posted in awhile? This little guy is a riot, but whew, he keeps me hoppin'! He isn't crawling yet---what he does is plants his face in the carpet and scootches his butt up about 1/2 an inch, with the end result of, well, frustration. Mainly he just rolls over and over, everywhere he wants to go. Oh my, when he starts crawling there will be no stopping him......