Monday, September 06, 2004

The Name You Choose For Your Child, Could Lead Them to a Life of Crime

Trust me on this, as a police dispatcher, I know what I am talking about. If you name you child something they feel they can't live up to, they will probably turn to a life of crime. Some examples are:

  • Bartholomew Hoover Smith
  • Christopher Columbus Jones
  • Albert Einstein Sanchez
  • Alexander Jean Pierre Petrok the Third
  • Freedom Justice Jackson
  • Shawshank Chattergee (I just got this one tonight)
If you name your child after something organic, edible, plants or minerals, you are pushing your luck.
If you name your child something silly, they will probably turn to a life of crime. Some examples are:

  • Gaylord Frumpknickle
  • Jade Butterfly
  • Marsha Mello
  • Princess Diana Toothfairy( Some names have been modified a bit to protect the innocent but this one is totally real)
  • Phillip D. Mugg

Here are some examples of really bad parenting, I have witnessed personally:

Today a man called to report that his 17 yr old son was out of control. When I asked his date of birth, he said, "I dunno, sometime in November I think." If you don't know your child's DOB, I can pretty much guarantee they will turn to a life of crime.

I called a mom to say her 13 yr old daughter was arrested, "Oh geez, how much is this going to cost me?" Nice.

A woman called 911 because her six year old was, "out of control" she asked if the police could come out and "put the handcuffs on, just to scare him." Ma'am you cannot use your local police department to discipline your child, that's your job. I got this type of call weekly when I worked for a really bigPolice Dept.

A mother of 7 called and asked if we could come get 2 of her children, because she "just can't afford that many." Enough said.

"My 14 year old, won't obey me I want him arrested." Well if you had started cracking down before the teenage years, maybe this would have been avoided.

Maybe my job makes me cynical, I don't know. I like to think I'll learn from others mistakes. My friend Erika, a 911 dispatcher with me, tells children who call 911 for fun, "I am going to have the police come get you and take you to little kid jail, the bars are closer together and the handcuffs are smaller, but don't think I won't do it!" I used to love sitting next to her.

Till later, goodnight


Stacy said...

made me laugh. thanks!

Jen said...

You forgot Dwayne and Wayne!

Oh, and my favorite, a woman picked up for prostitution with the first name "Cinnamon."