Sunday, September 12, 2004

I Too, Can Look Like Anna Nicole Smith

Nevermind that I am brunette, 7 years younger, 6 bra sizes smaller and 100 IQ points higher. Its TrimSpa baby! I have decided, if I can't have the baby I want, I will have the body I want. Today I officially quit drinking caffeine sodas and I will no longer be eating fast food. That is, for 3 weeks out of every month. That one week that sucks-day 1-7 though, all bets are off. I am what my weight watchers guide calls a "grazer." Moo. I am all about the quantity of food. So I went to the store and bought appropriate snacks to munch on thru the night. Low in fat, lower in taste. Graves is the best shift to lose weight on because after about 4am I just don't feel like eating any more and then I sleep all day, sleeping through the hunger and all. My new police ID card says I weigh 106 pounds. (Snort!), maybe my skeleton but, alas, no. I am just so excited to finally have a new and decent ID card, I don't want to return it for corrections-again. My first ID card had the worst picture of my life on it. I DO need to lose a few pounds, but I do not weigh 300+ as the last picture suggests. Also, it looked like they had hired someone from the make a wish foundation. My hair was awful, my glasses were crooked and I had 3 chins. THEN that was the picture that got sent to all of the department in a "please welcome your new dispatcher" email. Needless to say, very few people came up to meet me based on the picture. When I did meet people, they really did do a double take. I am 5'8 about 155 so as you can imagine, they were quite surprisedby my miracle weight loss. My new picture, is the best DMV type photo I have taken in years. I look a little sleepy, (hey, that's expected on graves), but I have a nice happy smile and only one chin! My hair is still that awful weed-wacked haircut, but the highlights I put on it look great.

By the way, if you ever decide to do your own highlights, there is a part in the directions that says, "don't worry about the highlights "spreading" to the other parts of your hair, it won't happen." Um yeah, that's a lie. Today I was trying to stylishly clip back and tame a few of the angry layers when I noticed something underneath the top layer of hair. There is a one inch by one inch square of highlight. A perfect square,mind you, as if I planned it. I did not however decide to make such a unique hair decision. So now, I not only have to be skilled on the art of hairclipping, I also have to do it while hiding a square. Either that or I could try standing near very small windows, with sunlight shining in, and maybe people will think its just a light reflection.

So back to the weight thing, I am not really going to use any diet drugs. I'd like to, but not a good idea while trying to conceive. Speaking of conception, this month kind of sucks in that department. I feel like I wasted my $66 on Clomid this month. I was gone all last week, before that I only see my husband while we are sleeping and now the family is visiting. I feel like we need to bond or I don't know at least talk before this attempt. And getting us in the same room at the same time is hard enough right now. Then not only am I going to Oregon the next week, but I just found out we will probably be camping. I love camping but during the white bullet weeks? The logistics are bad enough but, the progesterone has to be refridgerated. How will I do that? What if I have to store it in a cooler with the beer and hotdogs? What if it gets eaten by a bear? These are the things I now have to think about, and none of it will matter if I don't see my husband this coming week! Argh. Oh well, I gotta go find some fat free potato chips or something. I've completely stressed myself out. Moo.


Stacy said...

Good luck with the weight loss.

Anonymous said...

I hope your weight loss is moooovin' right along!
I am a grazer too, expecially when stressed. I have put on 10 lbs. in the last 6 months....what does that tell you about my life? Yikes! Aunty Lu