Tuesday, September 14, 2004

I am Nothing if Not Redundant. I am Nothing if Not Redundant

I said before and I'll say it again.

Well meaning ignorant people of the world, listen to me now and hear me later. Do not attempt to dispense pithy advise to the infertiles. We are dangerous when confronted and deadly when patronized. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Most recent true life example:

Where: Barnes and Noble

My Mood: Clomid cycle-enough said

The Scene: I raided the Infertility section and brought all 15 books over to the tables so I could winnow my selection to 1 or 2. I asked a deceptively kind looking older female if I could share her table. (Not her life mind you, just the table.)

Me: Mind if I sit here?

Dumbass: Oh, no of course not! Oh my, (eyeing my books) you must be pregnant!

Me: Um, no, if I was, I wouldn't be torturing myself with books on trying to conceive.

DA: Oh. You should go on a cruise.

Me: Ah, yes, if only I had thought of that. It certainly would be cheaper. (I put on my best, don't talk to me I am reading face, to discourage any further interaction.)

DA: My friend couldn't get pregnant, because.... Oh, what is that thing that is in bananas?

(I stare blankly at her knowing full well what she means, but really working "the face")

DA: Oh, what do you call it, it was too low for a baby...Um...

(Oh dear Lord, just make it stop)

Me: Potassium! Its potassium! (I practically shouted)

DA: (startled) Oh yes, maybe that is your problem (oh lady you have no idea)

Me: Yeah, definitely. Its either that the stress from recently getting out of prison...

She suddenly remembered she had somewhere to be. Works every time.

And so the moral of the story is: don't give unsolicited fertility advice, unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.

No comments: