That's MR AMERICA Thank You Very Much :)

Well, my mom has been bugging me to update. She feels the baby's manliness is being threatened. We are naming HIM Joshua James Danger C. It was awesome because my mom and dad got to come to the ultrasound when we found out. So did Liam and Chris. The U/S tech told us the sex right away so I got to be more excited. I am surprised to say I am not at all disappointed. I love saying "My boys...." Liam is already an amazing big brother. Gotta go for now. I will try to do better lest Joshua feel left out of this blog. PS I feel great!

Here she is, Miss America!!!!

And debuting at 2 inches long .001 oz it's Baby Perry! Don't you just envy her measurements? Sorry the photo is so small.

I'm still here, really I am!

So the reason it's been over a month since I wrote is because my laptop finally died. It was a slow and agonizing death and it is now in a better place. On week 13 I got to see her. She is gorgeous and I will attach a photo later. I really don't have much to say. I find out that she is a she on Oct. 5 at 9:30am. Vindication!
So a quick funny story. I throw up every morning, but then I feel better. Liam always says, "Here comes your audience!" And laughs delightedly as I puke. Also one time I had a barf bucket and he shoved my face in it, and said, "Come on Mom, you can do it!" What motivation! Talk to you soon!

10w 4d

I am so positive this is a girl, I will be shocked, yes shocked, if I am wrong. This pregnancy is so different. I am sick all the time, yes, but I only actually puke first thing in the morning. No hyperememsis! My hair looks good, my skin is clear and I feel better lying on my right side, as opposed to my left like when I was pregnant with Liam. I just know it! I am (barely) refraining from buying anything and everything pink and frilly. I want bows and barbies and pink booties, and and and, you get the idea. Only have to wait 9 1/2 more weeks until vindication. (Chris is positive it's a boy.) We'll talk later, Becca and the Bean

8w 2d

(Not my scan) Howdy. Sorry for the long delay we were on a road trip across the Western States. Now we have arrived in CA. Baby is doing great. I know because I am sick aaaaallllll the time! But you know what? At least so far it is not hyperememsis. Or if it is it is a much milder case than with Liam. Proof in my mind, at least that it is a girl. Riley Opal Xena C aka "Roxy." Here we come. I am staying with my parents in CA for a whole month. Lord willing by the time we leave the morning/noon/night sickness will be less or even over. Well gotta go for now, Becca and the Bean

Blergh

Whoever named it "morning" sickness was a moron.

The ER doc was an idiot!

So my new OB says the hospital U/S looked good. He ordered an ultrasound for Monday so then we will know for sure. I will be 6 weeks along so maybe just maybe a heartbeat. Otherwise I have another U/S at 7 weeks. Later I gotta tell you how I told everyone I was preggers. Til later!

Becca and the Bean

So I was in the ER yesterday with left side abdominal pain and ironically I had cysts on the right side. One really big one. Good news, no ectopic pregnancy. Then the doc scared me by saying there was no fetal activity and he "would have like to have seen some movement." Well, he's moron because there is no visable fetal activity for 6 or 7 weeks. What a jerk. So I go see my new OB on thursday and he will go over the hospital results with me and maybe do another ultra sound. Prob not as IT IS TOO EARLY TO SEE ANYTHING. Argh I am so mad at that guy. Well guys, please be praying. I think it's going to be fine. Talk to you thursday.

After 2 1/2 long years......

The pot has finally boiled! Again! My due date is Febuary 16th! Yaaaaay!

My progesterone righted itself, which is truly a miracle. Praise God no more psyclomid! I will keep you updated throughout. I found out on the 9th but I had to tell, well, everyone. To say I am gushing with excitement is an understatement.

Day 27

Well, I am being plagued by hope. That evil B#$%@ Tee hee.

Day 14

Well we are half way there. I've been praying for twins. Am I nuts or what? Congrats to "Dani" whose twins were just born!

So Liam is out for the summer and I have no idea what I am going to do with him for 3 months. Well except July. July we are going to spend the whole month in CA on the central coast with my parents.

Chris/Liam got me the most beautiful roses for mother's day. I am feeling very random today. I'm waiting for Chris to call me and give me his hotel's address so we can rendevous. I am so lucky he is still working here in Utah. Um, well nothing else is new. Talk to you later!

My biological clock is talking

I took one of those digital pregnancy tests and it read, "not pregnant" That was brutal. Somehow the line test is easier because you can hold it up to the light, tilt it back and forth, throw it in the trash only to take it out several times to check. (Hey, I did that with Liam's test and eventually there was a second line! It could happen.) Somehow the line test eases you into the knowledge instead of slapping you upside the head with a resounding "NO!!!" So, I feel like I'm running out of time to concieve. Right now I can travel to where Chris is at key days of the month. But soon he will be moving to Wyoming or Colorado. What am I gonna do, fly in on fertile days? Too expensive. With him being gone for 8 days every 7 days this could take a really long time. Let's face it I'm not getting any younger! Well we are on day one. Pray for me, I could use it.

If you give Beckie an ovulation...

AAAAAHHHHHH! I'm not broken! As the nurse said, I ovulated "Like a champ"! I don't have to go up anymore in Clomid, Yay! Weird thing is my temp never really spiked and I felt nothing, like I normally feel a pain in my ovary. Who cares, I did it. I give all the glory to God, I should say He did it! Chris is right though, I do want a pregnancy to go with it....

I Think I'm Broken

Or rather, I think my eggs are broken. Another month and I am quite sure I didn't ovulate. Sigh. Have you heard of "If you give a mouse a cookie"? It's a children's book. I told Chris I just want to ovulate, not even get pregnant yet and Chris said, "If you give a Beckie an ovulation, she'll want a pregnancy to go with it." It's only funny if you've read the book...

I think my Ob/Gyn only cares about me if I get pregnant. I've pretty much been treating myself. I asked to up the clomid dosage and I asked for a 21 day progesterone lab slip. It's kinda weird. Then I have to literally stalk them just to get my blood test results. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Til later!

"On the Road Agaaaaaiiiiiiiin" (Sung in E minor)

Well, here we go again! Onto that long windy road of infertility. Tomorrow I go on the higher dosage of 50mg of Clomid. Yay, even more anger! Thank God Chris is out of town, poor guy.

Liam pooped his pants today at the flower shop. Too bad I found out too late or I could have offered them some free fertilizer! Ah, parenting.

My Broken Heart

I thought a negative preg test was the worst, but this is even worse than that. All that work, charting and body temp, hormones and planning and I didn't even ovulate! I just cried and cried because there wasn't even a chance to get pregnant this month. I KNOW it will happen in God's time but I really, really want this.

Happy Easter!

Here is Little Man in his Easter suit.

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Praise God He is risen!!!!

The Long Wait Begins...

Well, ovulation has come and gone and now we wait. And wait, and wait. Sigh. At least I have you little blog, to keep me company. 13 days til evil pee stick day. Sigh.

Mission Accomplished

Well, I won't go into details (your welcome Mom), but I did get to visit Chris. I said before it was at his jobsite but being that he works in a rail yard I didn't mean we would rendezvous in a box car like my Auntie thought! And now the long wait begins....

The Little Ovary That Could

All signs point to ovulation in the next 24-36 hours!!! Yay! Only 2 problems: 1) My temperature has not spiked yet and 2) I am no where near Chris... Please pray I can visit him at his jobsite tomorrow. It's not for sure, wah! Please dear Lord don't let these crazy hormones be for nothing!

So I was looking for a funny book on infertility, because lets face it the one I found and read called, "Empty Womb, Aching Heart" made me want to shoot myself. Infertility can be funny. Anyone ever faced with the transvaginal wand (aka the space probe) can back me up. This book above, was not funny. The book review lied. What a let down. This is why I need to get this blog published. I'd buy it. Would you?

Come on girls, you can do it!

As I mentioned before, though I am not yet ovulating, (come on already) I can feel my ovaries slowly coming to life. Dusting off the cobwebs and brushing themselves off. If there was a hamster in a wheel in there, he'd be old and arthritic, with the ol' wheel coming off it's hinges. My eggs are fried. Not willing to fully come out, they naughtily are playing hide and seek. Come on already, let's get this party started!

Ovulation Predictor kit. Seems simple, right?

WRONG! So if I look at the test line it looks the same only thinner. But if I blurr my eyes they look identical. But if I cross my eyes their totally different. If I spin around and do the hokey pokey, well, I just get dizzy. This is harder than it looks! It's like at the optometrist's office, "One or two, two or three, three or one." Argh!

Tab A fits in to Slot B. That's all I know...

I actually got this book on Amazon for 20 cents... Does that mean it sucks? Either way, I obviously need it! So Chris went back to work. Which means all of him is gone. Sigh. How are we supposed to make this kid if he's gone every other week? So even though I'm not yet ovulating, I can feel my ovaries stirring. Waking up from their long hibernation and peeking out. If they see their shadow it's another month of winter....

You Are Real to Me

Dear Future Baby, I'm doing this for you, all of it, for you. When I feel miserable I remember who this is all for and it helps. I feel despair and then I remember your face. How is it that I miss you so much and you don't even exsist yet? This garbage that I feel because of the hormones can't be for nothing. I can imagine you kicking and seeing you smile. My heart aches for each moment without you. But we will be successful, I just know it, you'll see. I love you, Baby, and I can't wait to meet you.

Let's Just Not Go There

If I tell you we are trying to expand our family, please don't tell me how much fun the "trying" part is. I don't want to talk about the sex side of the issue with you, just the baby part. As far as you are concerned let's pretend a stork brings it. I mean can you say, "Awkward!"

Wow...That's Something New...

Well folks, I have developed an eye twitch. An eye twitch!!!!! A lovely outward sign of the stress I am feeling inside. As in, uh oh, that watched pot's gonna blow! Great. No really I'm thrilled. It's quite dramatic, and if I add the shakes people will stay the h&#$ away from me, which is for their safety anyway. Man I hate Clomid. And speaking of erruptions, my face is all broken out, thanks to the influx of hormones. Yay!

I will take the Clomid...The Clomid will not take me!

Clomid makes me crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y! And I start it today. I don't want to! I don't know if I mentioned on this blog, but I'm bipolar. Which means I'm on two mood stabalizers. Oh, dear Lord let them counteract the Clomid. Last time Chris would throw a shoe in the room ahead of himself to see if I would eat it. Man I can't help but worry. Pray for me. But more? Pray for Chris.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!!! (One day early)

Some vintage Liam pics to brighten your day!

Oh Little Period, So Brave and True

Ode to my Period

Oh little period you were so late
I got so nervous I ate and ate and ate
I knew I wasn't pregnant becuause I took a test
Now you are here and I think that you are the best.
I was going to have to jump start you with progesterone
It got me so concerned I called my mom on the telephone.
But now you're here and I jump for joy.
I am so irriatable I snapped at my little boy.
I am glad I didn't have to use drugs to get you to start.
Now I need some feminine products from the local KMart.
In closing I hope I don't see you for nine months more,
I'm excited now really, for what's in store!

It's Still Liam Land

Here is a picture taken today of me running after Liam and my favorite from the summer. Maybe it's weird to post a child's pictures on a infertility blog but oh well, this is my life. I suffer from infertility and now secondary infertility. There are a lot of view points on whether having one kid makes secondary fertility easier or harder. Easier because you have a child to distract and focus on or harder because you know what you're missing and you yearn for it. I straddle the middle. I do think Liam makes it easier, how could he not? But I also yearn for another baby. Heck, I yearn for twins. And one daughter. Please! Liam is all about having a brother or a sister. He talks constantly about it. We were in Walmart and he kept saying, "And we'll buy that for the baby and this for the baby..." Some lady looked at me like, oh how sweet until I said, " Well first we have to conceive the child." Then she looked horrified. My don't I have a way with words?

It Just Never Gets Old

This was our last "unassisted attempt". And yet it's still a kick in the teeth, every goll durned time. So a little new information. I was on depakote which causes spinal bifida, but my new Psychiatrist switched me to Lamictal which he is comfortable letting his patients get pregnant on. So that settled what's wrong this time? 2 things and one possible. 1) I'm not ovulating. That's the biggest problem. 2) Average to low progesterone. Then possibly 3) Endometriosis/laproscopy needed. So what's our plan of action? Starting out at 25mg of Clomid and progesterone therapy. Then slowly increase until 100mg. If that doesn't work it's time for laproscopy. Then to a specialist. Apparently we will just shake hands with the specialist and walk out because we can't afford any... specialties. We just can't afford adoptions and we can't bear to be foster parents and then lose the kid. So that's the story and I'm sticking to it.

Hmmm... What am I missing???

Clomid? Check. Prenatal vitamins? Check. Basal body thermometer? Check. Ovulation predictor kit? Check. Complicated ovulation chart? Check. Pregnancy test? Check. Husband? Doh!

Wait, when do I... How do I.... The circle is for.... Sigh

Does it really have to be this complicated??????? Can't we just fornicate like little rabbits???? (sorry mom)

WAITING FOR THE POT TO BOIL PART TWO (FOR REAL)

So it's official the one legged race has begun again. Why is it so easy for some people and not for others. God says be fruitful and multiply, unfortunatly my fruit seems to be rotten! Come gentle readers, join me on my second journey through infertilty. Here we go again!