The One Where I Cry Uncle

I can't do this anymore. Not right now. Emotionally, I am drowning. I have already told y'all that I take Zoloft for chemical depression. For whatever reason, I have come to believe the Clomid, and possibly the Progesterone must cancel out the benefits of Zoloft. I feel so horrible inside and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I am still going to have the laproscopy next month and I am planning on doing the IUIs, maybe in January or so, but the drugs have got to go. I am in agony and this is so not me. I did some research and this was listed on Clomid-side effects:

Mental depression; Existing depression may become worse because of hormone
changes caused by clomiphene

Why didn't my doctor tell me this? He said "You might get a little irritable". Honey, this ain't irritable this is down right irrational! On the other hand, research shows progesterone seems to soothe depression. It is estrogen that can tweak it... I am going to call my doc first thing in the morning and get an appointment. I can't do this alone, and if nothing else he needs to know first hand, what Clomid and a person with depression can cause; that this is a lot more serious than a little irritability. It is kind of scary because, I refuse to be controlled by this, but I have to be very careful how I go about getting "help." If I go to a mental health professional that could come back to bite me in the ass. I got stuck in backgrounds for over a month because I had originally been seen by a psychiatrist 8 years ago. I can only imagine, if I went for a job interview in the future, and they found out I went to one recently, (if I decide to). If my current job found out I could also get yanked from this position because they may worry that I am a liability. Yuck. I am having a yucky time. On my past day off, I stayed curled in a ball for hours crying. That's not healthy. I am going to make a commitment. Tomorrow, I am going to get outside, I am going to take the dogs somewhere and not dwell. I think I will go shopping, that always makes me feel happy. I am going to rent silly movies and do a puzzle. Damn it, I will fight!

*************Update 10/4 **********

I feel a lot better, already. Just making decisions and knowing I am not crazy helps alot. DH got the day off today, just to spend it with me, because he knows I am not feeling good. It is not easy for him to do this. In order to get the time off, he has to work at a CHP golf tournament until noon today after working all night. Such love!