Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Stupid Parent Tricks

Chris and I had a fantastic time at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, (though I was inspired by the monsters disguised as children and wrote the list that follows later.) The hotel was also awesome, private balcony and view of the sea. When we got there there was a fire going in the fireplace and there was champange waiting on ice. However, today when we visited Carmel by the Sea, everything went to crap. The townsfolk fell just short of running us out with torches and pitchforks. I have no idea how they knew we were blue-collar/middle class, maybe they can smell it or something, but they were so blatantly rude to us! Our waiter all but spit on us. No one spoke to us or even offered us water for 15 minutes. Everyone else got bread before their meal, we got dirty looks. Our waiter brought us our food and then NEVER came back until we flagged him down for the bill. He walked right by us to the rich looking couple behind us six times, but I guess we just weren't the right kind of guest. Was it my Levi's? Chris' non brand name sunglasses (that I love), our lack of jewelry? How does he know we aren't loaded? Funny thing is Chris and I are really good tippers. The table there had white paper covering it and Crayons so you could write on the table while waiting for your food. After filling it with tic tac toe and hangmans, I wrote "Our waiter hates us, which is too bad because we tip really big--but only if you deserve it!!!"--in three colors. Joke's on them, we spent the whole ride home laughing about it.

And now:


I don't have children, I am not an expert on childhood behavior. When I am a parent, I will make mistakes, however I WILL NOT make the following mistakes that were made yesterday at the aquarium:

*One mom lifted her child over the guardrail--the one there for everyone's safety, not as an obstacle meant to be tackled--and took pictures. Then yelled at the child when she stayed behind it.

*Another told Chris and I, after her child bumped into me repeatedly, that she gave her child too much sugar and soda. She then proceeded to complain to US how he is out of control. Lady, you made him that way! And don't you laugh in that "isn't it just adorable/funny/commiserative /way. Notice that I am not laughing with you. Or at you. Or even near you.

*At one point I was obviously trying to take a picture of something, and some lady stepped in front of me and then called her child's attention to the it, then her entire family all crowded in front of it, blocking said object. I never did get the picture!

*When I have a child, I will not stand in front of a display with one of those giant hiker's backpacks, that you carry toddlers in, then spin around quickly, causing other patrons to have to dive for cover.

*To the lady infront of the Jelly fish tank:If your out of control child jumps up and down on my foot, why are you glaring at me when I yelp in pain? It is not my fault your child is husky.

*In the cafe, a lady asked us if we were in line then took her entire litter and bypassed us! We were not just standing there in the line for no reason, nor were we holding her place.

* One lady blocked an entire aquarium with a 4 foot wide stroller. (I won't even mention the exact number of how many people, hit me, blocked me or bumped into me with strollers.)

*Another Mom brought her child to see the Swell Shark incubating and went in to graphic detail about how, "When you were in Mommy's tummy you were attached like that by your belly button" Not only was she using her "outdoor voice" she was explaining this to a 2 year old who looked, both confused and bored.

* A father and son bonded by pounding on the shark tank exhibit and yelling. Meanwhile Chris and I prayed the glass would break and the shark would eat them both.

*We waited in line to have our picture taken inside the giant clam and had family after family cut in front of us, then when it was finally our turn--family after family walked in front of the camera.

*Even though the sign said "please touch the sea sponge gently" these parents laughed as their child flattened the creature. Even though a sign said, "for the shark's safety no flash photography", many parents, set a bad example by completely ignoring this.

Funny things: Every time Chris walked up to an aquarium, I mean every time, the fish would hide. You could have an entire third grade class in front of the tank but when Chris walked up they all fled. Chris went to the men's room. It was very crowded and he didn't want to stand next to anyone else so he thought, it would be a good idea to use the short urinal on the end. So he does, his thing, finishes and turns around. There behind him is a really long line, all the way to the door of small children. Turns out that it wasn't just a short urinal, it was for kids! He was so embarrassed; so much for his plan of being left alone! And finally, we went into this children's crawl area (ok for adults) to take a picture of the tropical fish, and when we crawled out all the parents were glaring at us for going in with out kids! So, that is my trip, we had fun.

Infertile update: I suck. I was supposed to start doing the white bullets 3 days ago and I keep forgetting. I think I am getting a cold too. I am still optimistic. Hope has arrived and she is settling in nicely, whether I like it or not. 12 days or so till FRED. Night!

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