Saturday, December 18, 2004

Let Me Count the Ways I Hate You

WARNING: Last time I wrote a funny/hostile post I got zero comments, (see Open Letter to the Drivers of this area). I think my anger, frightened some people. As Brina will back me up on, our jobs as 911 dispatchers, just make our sense of humor, a little, well...off. Please don't be frightened, it's only me. And now....

10 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their bums to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people find something and say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". Nope, I paid $10 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! Name one thing you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

10. When you are buying 6 books on infertility and the sales clerk tells you to relax it will happen or God forbid launches into an unsolicited story that starts with, "You know what worked for my friend.....?" No I don't but I bet you're going to tell me.

(Disclaimer: Some of these were borrowed from my buddy Jimmy)


Anonymous said...

I must confess ..... I am a #2 :-)


The Barrenness said...

You're wicked. I think I like you.

Brina said...

Oh that was good. It was like a little weight lifted off my chest, even though you said it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for saying what I can't!!!!!!!!!