My Child is Already Behind the Learning Curve--Fooey!

I saw an ad in a magazine for Pre-natal education. I will say it again. Pre-natal education. All together now, Pre-natal education. I feel as if I have gone insane. Prenatal natal education. For the baby. While it is still inside. Totally crazy. Anyway, at 5w4d I am still lucky to have no morning sickness, but I do have the runs. A lot. I can also smell things from up to, but not limited to, 5 miles away. Which is both cool and really annoying, depending on if it is like, a chocolate cake or a skunk. Also, my face is broken out soooooo bad. It has never ever been this bad. I know it is the extra hormones, and I’ll take this over morning sickness, though I preferred the flatulence. It’s all on my chin and jaw and they are the yucky big ones that really hurt. Chris was especially helpful dispensing care and advice, about this a few days ago.

Me: Chriiiiiiiiis, (wailing pathetically) look at my chin, it hurts.
(Chris leans in REAL close.)
Chris: Oh my gosh, that looks so bad. Oh wow, there are so many!
(Leans in farther)
Me: Yeah there’s like ten.
Chris: No, there is way, way more than that. Oh, wow. Is that normal?
Should we call the doctor?
Me: No, it’s just the hormones.
Chris: It’s like, really, really red too.
Me: Yes I know. (Regretting calling it to his attention.)
Chris: Let me go get the flashlight and my glasses….
Me: I am not one of the dogs! Forget it. Really, it’s not that bad.
Chris: Well it is bad.
Me: Fine, it’s horrific, I am a nasty, nasty monster (throwing the covers over my head)
just leave me alone to wallow in my ugliness.
Chris: Aren’t you late for work?
Me: Argh!

He made up for it later though. He saw me applying cover-up.

Chris: No, Beck, don’t you’ll make it worse!
Me: No, this stuff is hypo-allergenic and besides, I’d rather cause more than go to work like this, it’s too humiliating.
Chris: Well. I don’t think you should wear it. Besides if anyone says anything, tell them you’re pregnant. And if they don’t think you are as beautiful as I do, I’ll beat them up.

Forgiven. He is also forgiven because today, he woke me up for work by saying, “Wake up! Guess what we got today……Arms!” and yesterday it was, “Time to wake up! Guess what we got today….eyes!” I have stopped trying to tell him, that it is just the beginnings of, each of those because he says, I am just being a downer and also he is just so gosh darn adorable about it. He checks my lunches to make sure they are “pregnancy rated.” And cooks dinner specifically designed to what he feels, “the kid needs today.” He is so much fun. Speaking of fun, I am asking my officers today if they can give me some of their yellow “Police Line: Do Not Cross” tape. I am going to take it home and wrap it around my sore chest, I can’t wait to see what Chris says.
And now I will close with a very funny dog/Chris story. Well funny to me anyway, Chris and Xena may beg to differ. So remember I told you Xena has that “hot spot” she won’t stop licking? Well we felt bad that she still had to wear the cone so Chris bought some hot spot spray and then some spray for both her and Bailey, called “Fooey” that is supposed to be the most “bitter tasting all natural product in the world.” So Chris sprayed it on Bailey’s “hot spot” and rubbed it into her paw. Bailey licks it and then sneezes. She then proceeds to hold her foot as far away from her nose as possible while she continues to whine dramatically. Cool, Chris thinks, this really works! Now maybe Xena can stop wearing the cone of silence. So he took her cone off and put some “Fooey” on Xena. Xena goes; lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! (pause) lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! Back on goes the cone. Chris then, wiped a hand over his face/mouth in frustration. And then he licked his lips….. and Chris goes; Lick….Hack! Hack! Hack! Sneeze! Hack! “Oh my gosh that IS the most awful tasting stuff in the world!” And quickly goes into the bathroom and pours mouthwash onto his toothbrush, then toothpaste and brushed for a very, very long time. Oh, and while this was going on, Riley must have got some in her system too, and she threw up. “Beck, “ said Chris, “ It looked like the “&” symbol on the type/keyboard. Almost as if she was trying to say, ‘aaand’ “ Maybe you had to be there, but the whole re-telling/reenactment by Chris had be laughing hysterically. Ok, well that is all for now. Talk to you guys later!