WAITING FOR THE POT TO BOIL (PART II)

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

America Has Spoken.

Normally I choose not to include politics on my BLOG. I already cover sex and religion though, so today I'll throw caution to the wind and briefly touch on politics. Very briefly. I am a Conservative Independent, I am in the minority as far as IF Bloggers go, but that is what is so wonderful about America, we are FREE to disagree. I have not gloated for one single second, and I truly hope GWB does not let us all down, he has a HUGE responsibility. I feel Horkin Ramblins said it better than I ever could, so that's all that I feel is needed on that topic.

So where, oh where, did my dear aunt flo go? It is over due and if it doesn't hurry up, I will have to postpone my upcoming laproscopy. Nooooooooooo!!!!!!! I said to myself, wouldn't it be great if instead of having the surgery and also for a 29th B-Day present, I was pregnant??? No such luck, it's just MIA (yes I caved and tested).... It would be awkward explaining to my boss and it's really hard to find shift coverage for graves. I couldn't sleep last night I was so over-wrought. What with my dad's surgery, (he's fine), my husbands medical issues, (not so great) and now, my period drama. I called up my FIL who has had a heart attack. I said, "Dad if you need to have any health problems, I need you to put them off until at least January, because I'm already filled up on familyl emergencies right now." He said, he'd see what he could do. Last night as I was worrying, I suddenly heard a very calm voice in my head, that said, "It will start Nov. 4th." Then I was finally able to sleep. Only time will tell if this was the hand of God, or early symptoms of schizophrenia...

My dogs are completely freaking out over this thunderstorm. Three of them made a dogpile (Ha Ha Ha) right in front of the shower, just to be near me. They were shaking and shivering like crazy. Two of them were genuinely terrified, and the third one, Riley, saw the other two and just decided to join in. You can't really blame them, what with their history with storms and all. About 4 years ago, when we lived in the 29 Palms desert, there was a thunder/lightening storm. Chris and I were at work, the dogs (Riley wasn't even born yet) were in the backyard. I wasn't really concerned about them because although they weren't allowed in the house when we were gone, they had an entire laundry room to stay warm and dry in. Back then, our friend Scott, would drive by our house and check on the dogs when we were working long hours. He called us at work and said, "Lightening struck the tree in your back yard, it's on fire!" Chris sped home, by then the tree was no longer on fire but it was completely spit in half from top to bottom by the lightening. Chris ran through the house and opened the laundry door; the dogs were literally piled three high against the door and they all fell into the house, relieved. So now, they don't do so good with thunder/lightening storms! They are on my mind today, I am glad their Daddy has the day off to "protect" them from the evil thunder.

And now, without further ado:

THE FINAL INSTALLMENT OF THINGS MY DOGS MUST LEARN:

1. I will not beg for food, my human knows I hate, and then spit it out onto the floor when my human gives in and gives me some.
2. I will not suddenly stare right above/past my human's head with huge saucer eyes and an alarmed look on my on my face, only to act completely normal when she turns back around to look at me. I know there was never anything there, in the first place. Note: This is especially bad when she is reading a Stephen King book late at night.
3. I will not get a mouthful of kibble and dribble it all across the kitchen, dining room, and living room floor, just so my human (who is watching TV in the living room) can watch me eat. Suprisingly, watching me eat is not high on her list of priorities.
4. Even if I close my eyes and inch forward, opening my mouth in slow motion--my human will still see me trying to steal the pizza in her hand.
5. I will not lick or steal raw chicken from the grill while my human is not looking.
6. I will not steal a loaf of bread, and then run around the house with it while my human chases after me. Try as I might I can never manage to inhale the whole thing by the time she catches up to me.
7. If my human ignores me and doesn't share her bacon, I will not reach over and gently tap her arm to remind her of my presence.
8. I will not raid the bathroom garbage can for tissues and chew them up, leaving small moist rolled-up tissue balls all over the house.
9. When my human yells at me to stop barking I will not wait 2 seconds and then quietly bark, once under my breath, just to get in the last word.
10. I will not seek out my human, only to walk up close to her and burp, I can do this alone.
11. When I am allowed to be in the car I will not insist upon sitting on my human's lap while she is driving, I am very large and she can't see out the front windshield.
12. I will not chase the broom every time my human sweeps and when asked to cut it out, I won't lay down right in the middle of the dust pile she is trying to sweep up! If I do this and get scolded I will not walk off in a huff, covered in swept hairballs.
13. I will not stare at my doggie sister and make mournful "heruhmmmm" sounds and wiggle franticly until she get out of her bed, only to repeat the whole process when she chooses her new bed. ( I have SEEN my Pitt puppy do this up to 4 times in a row!)
14. I will not walk through the open newspaper to gain my human's undivided attention as she is reading it while sitting on the floor.
15. I will never again, run out into the middle of a college boys game of football and take a huge poop, causing the entire game to come to a complete stop, while all the players wait and watch as my human embarrassedly picks up my poop. (Totally mortifying. And no one laughed at my lame joke about this being "off sides" either.)
16. When my human is tying her shoes I do not always have to run over and chase the shoelaces, this never helps... really.
17. When I do something bad and my human tries to lightly smack me on the nose, I will not skillfully dodge her hand so she ends up smacking air over and over again. It just makes her more angry.
18. I will not seek out my human anymore when I feel a huge sneeze coming on just so I can "share" with them.
19. Despite popular canine thought, the mail man is not the anti-Christ
20. We all four don't have to run to the front door and line up expectantly every time a large Dodge truck drives by. It's not always Dad and it makes Mom feel bad, when we get disappointed.
21. I will not throw my 85 pound body dramatically to the floor when my human briefly stops paying attention to me. Her laughter is not my desired effect anyway.
22. I won't nip at my dad's bum when we are trail running just because I want him to go faster, I have to remember I have twice as many legs as he does, he can't go as fastas me.
23. I will not give my human's entire outfit the third degree every time he comes home. (Xs 4)
24. I will not head butt my humans, I am a block headed pitt bull and it hurts them.
25. I will stop eating the "Almond Rocca" from the kitty litter box.
26. I will not pace back and forth whining when my humans are at opposite ends of the house. It's ok for them to not be in the same room sometimes.
27. I will not sit between my humans and paw at the one that stops petting me. It's ok if everyone in the room is not petting me at the same time.
28. I will not run through a field of jumping cacti and if I do I will sit still so my human can remove them without injuring themselves.
29. I will not chase after the small children on Halloween in my vampire costume even though my cape billowing behind me looked pretty cool.
30. I will not kiss my human and make incredibly adorable faces when she is scolding me. She needs to be able to stay mad at me for more than 2 seconds.

4 comments:

Jen said...

Becky,

Thanks for the laugh--I needed it today! Your dogs sound evil but fiendishly adorable (aren't they all?).

Stacy said...

Becky, thanks for your comment on my blog in regard to the election. I was certian I would get bashed so it was a relief to see the positive coments, includng yours. Thanks!

BTW, I love the "THINGS MY DOGS MUST LEARN". It makes me laugh every time.

Blessings!

Jen P said...

Oh Becky, the 'Almond Rocca' of the catbox had me laughing so hard I nearly peed myself. I just love your writing and I soo need a hardbound book of these entries to read when I feel confused or sad.

You're a blessing to this community and I wish you the best!!!

(PS. If you need help with the blogroll stuff, I shall send you my husband's email as he's soooooo good with this stuff it makes me weak in the knees.)

wessel said...

Hey Becky, I just want you to know that you aren't the only Conservative blogger out there--I'm here; still registered as a Democrat just so I can muck with the primaries, but am an Independent in my heart. :-)