You're Going to Put That--Where?

Oh, that kind of ultrasound. Boy do I feel stupid. You should have seen the look on the nurse's face when I said, "What do you mean, am I allergic to latex, where is there going to be latex?" I thought this was going to be like an outer ultrasound, silly me. She says, "No, he will use that wand." Oh honey that is no wand. That thing was a space probe. Why does he need something long enough to look at my tonsils, I wondered. Could it be my tonsils were affecting my fertility? That explains a lot, because I did have a sore throat recently...
So, I waited for AN HOUR AND A HALF in the little room, wearing nothing but a paper towel and a grimace, staring nervously at the "wand." After being left alone in the little ultrasound room for about an hour, I began to wander around. Being that the room is 12 x 12 I didn't get that far. I tried on various sizes of gloves (I'm a medium), and looked through the various drawers. Then, laying out in plain view-I swear- I saw ultrasound pictures. This huge stack them. There were ones at all stages, tadpole to almost done baking, twins and singles. It was humbling and it didn't hurt my heart at all until I saw my own ultrasound.
So after an hour and 20 minutes, I'm getting kind of pissed, I go out into the hallway, it is 6pm, the office is almost vacant and I have to start work in an hour. So I'm like, "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" The cleaning lady, sticks her head out of a room. "Hello? Oh, no, not you, but thanks.......Hello, nurse?" So the nurse comes out and I explain that I don't mean to be rude but this wait is getting excessive and I really need to go to work." I was a bit indignant, but it's hard to have an attitude when you are standing partially disrobed with your rear end hanging out. And they hadn't even given me a paper gown, it was a paper blanket that only covered 3/4 the way around my waist....But next time I go give someone attitude, I will at least bring the paper blanket with me.
So finally the doctor comes and right before he starts, I asked, "I am at the very end of the cycle, if I am pregnant, this probe isn't going to knock it right out of there, is it?" And for all of you out there who are as naive as me-the answer is no. So he puts the "wand" inside and it's not bad. So he is looking around, there is my uterus, there is my left ovary, there is.....hey is that the remote? I've been looking for that all week! There is my cervix, "Hmm, where is your right ovary.... Your intestines are in the way...." Yeah, sorry about that. "Ok, there will be some pressure." And at that moment I discovered I had a full bladder and almost peed on him, honestly. So eventually he found my right ovary, it was just being shy. He said my ovaries look great. Yay, ovaries!!! My uterus is the correct thickness, yay uterus!!!!
It was kind of a non climatic visit. I asked him a million questions, walked out with a million prescriptions and that was pretty much it. I felt a little low. After looking at all the other ultrasounds, mine was soooo empty! I didn't see ANYTHING. I am 26 days into this cycle and I kept hoping and hoping he would say, "Wait a minute...What is this tiny thing here in the middle....Is it...Yes, I think it is.....Congratulations!" No such luck.
So, that's all for now, about that. I'll tell you what all the questions/answers were and about my upcoming laproscopy next time. My husband didn't come with me this time, because I had to go straight to work. As I was walking, actually running, out to the car--I was going to be really late for work-- I was kind of having a pity party for one. I looked at my cell phone and there were a bunch of messages, so as I am speeding off to work, I listened. Each one was Chris, asking what happened, how did it go, what did I learn, please call and let him know, he'd be waiting. My pitty party was over. And to end with a quote from my doctor, "You're young, we don't have to rush, we have plenty of time. Hey are those my car keys in there?"

Lord, give me patience, because I have none. I know this will happen when You are ready but I just want it so bad. I trust you. Amen

Night Mom!

PS Oh my gosh, right as I was doing spellcheck, I got this 911 call (I am a police dispatcher). It was a request for medics, the reporting party's kid got a jelly bean stuck up his nose!!!! These, my friends, these are the joys I cannot wait to experience!!!!