Xena !!!!!!!! No Peaches For You !!!!!

We are all under the weather in this house, and even Liam is feeling a bit off.
Well there is one thing that always makes Liam laugh and that is Xena. That one picture that Liam looks like he is crying, he was actually screaming with absolute joy. Now if I could just get Xena to stop trying to lick his mouth. Yuck!!!!!!!

Love Bites

Ha Ha Ha, no it doesn't really, it is just that my adorable Cupid kept eating the Valentine heart. Isn't he the cutest Cupid? Such a little ham for the camera. Hope you all had a great day!

Happy (Early) Valentine's Day

I find that I look less tired in black and white pictures.... I am working from 7 pm until 7 am right now. Whew this was a lot easier when I was in my twenties. Now that I am an aged 3-0, I just ain't what I used to be. I miss my little guy and I want to raise my coffee cups to all the working moms out there. It is hard to be away from him. Who will kiss his feet and tummy when he wakes up this morning? Well, OK, his dad will, but, but who will make him laugh and....You know what? I am just not needed when Daddy is around, sniff sniff. Not only that but now when Liam cries, only Bailey, the yellow lab that is horrible with kids, is a sure thing to make him smile. Signing off now, yours truly, Chopped Liver.

Where's the Beef?

Apparently it is at the tire shop. We got free beef with our new tires. Yup, you read that correctly, free beef. Anyone else find that a little odd? Was there a board meeting about this? Did people actually sit around a table brainstorming and someone said, "I've got it! Free beef!" and then the other board members unanimously agreed? Perhaps there was one board member that said, "Guys that is just weird!" Was he out-voted? Shunned? Fired? I raise my beef jerky stick to you, oh lone hold out, good try.

Well Don't I Feel Like a Horse's Ass

So I have weaned my sweet baby from boob to bottle. Jack Johnson (right side) went quietly into the night, and, no I was not cursed with droopy boobs, thank you for asking. Sugar Ray, (left side) is not going down with out a fight. Ever the champion, he is really trying to stick around. Why, you may ask have I named my breasts? Because my husband does not want to talk about breastfeeding, but if I speak of boxing, he will listen and commiserate until he realizes what I am REALLY talking about. So Sugar Ray is enormous and I cannot even begin to describe how painful this is. I had no idea! Just chalk it up to #432 on the long list of "Why didn't someone warn me." So I go to a website about BFing and type in, "painful weaning" and I learn that many women find it soothing to put cold cabbage leaves in their bras, during this process. Whatever, as if, I laugh! Fast forward a few hours. I am at work, I am in terrible pain and I am eating my salad for lunch. Suddenly I notice there is cabbage in my dish. I look around, and I frantically dig out all the purple leaves and shove them into my bra. OMG instant relief! Which wore off about 3 seconds later. I run upstairs and look at that BFing website. What an idiot I am, it is GREEN cabbage, not red. Silly me, won't I think twice next time before shoving half of my lunch into my bra! So still desperate and in pain, I raided the police officer's first aid cabinet. Perhaps I would find some stray cabbage. Nope, but I did find a large box that said ice pack, so I removed the large box and carried my treasure into the ladies room. I will just take one of these, I think. I opened the large box and removed....ONE ICE PACK! OMG I think, I can't shove this giant thing in my bra, you'll be able to tell! Not to mention what is with this ice pack? If an officer is injured bad enough to need an ice pack this big, he really should be at the hospital...I digress, so I have no choice and I activate it and put inside my bra. I smooth it out and it feels soooooooo good. No one will notice, I think. Then I faced the mirror and began to laugh. Now, I am C on one side and E on the other AND apparently I now also have a rectangular boob. I am not removing that ice pack for anyone, but there is a police officer up in dispatch and nothing to hide behind when I walk in. So from the hallway, I call out, "OK, I am back from lunch you can go, thank you!" but he doesn't leave. So me being the skilled improviser that I am, I backed into the room and began studying the flyers on the wall. "OK, thank you!" "Are you going to watch the Super Bowl?" He asks. Oh, great, these guys always want to run out of here, but today we are chatty Cathy! "Oh, yeah I am rooting for the commercials." I say as I slide sideways behind the water cooler and from there low crawl to the computer console. Boy did that officer think I was a freak! Oh well, I pretty much am, I mean when I get off work, I have a chilled salad waiting in my bra, cuz I think I left some leaves in there. Hey, anyone want to keep a six pack in there nice and cold for the big game?

This is Just the Cat's Meow

File this under "You should have been there." I am back at work for the first time in ages. Just now a lady called 911 because a can of cat food exploded and cat food got in her husband's eye. She said to the medics "I am afraid he will get botulism in his eyes. (Don't people pay for that--it's called Botox?) Then, on the air I said, "Medics responding to a can of exploding cat food, police presence will not be required." I got microphone clicks from the officers which as some of you know, is universal at any PD I've worked at for laughter. Wow I missed my job. It is nice to have a topic to bring to the dinner table other than the contents, quality and and consistency of my son's daily diaper deposits.....Speaking of daily deposits, the other night I was changing Liam's diaper for bed, (which we do pretty much in the dark with just the red night light over the changing table on), and I was talking to Chris. I was applying a good ammount of vasoline to his hindquarters to protect him through the night. As I am talking to Chris I say, "I don't remember using so much vasoline. And why is it getting warmer?" I look down and he had taken a crap in my hand and I was obliviously just rubbing it in. Chris laughed so hard and teased me for ages. OMG so gross!!!!!!

And now I leave you with this final thought regarding the ealier mentioned 911 call:

Can of cat food.......................50 cents

Ride to the hospital................$300

ER visit only to be told the only damage done is to your pride..........$2000

Becoming the antecdote of an entire shift of police officers.................PRICELESS

A Day in the Life in the Land of Liam

So since my parents are babysitting on Super Bowl Sunday, my Mom wanted to know a rough outline of Liam's daily routine. I thought I would share a day in the life of Liam. I totally stole this post from the email I sent her and I apologize for my laziness! Here we go, all times are approximate, all details are subject to change with out notification. Offers void where prohibited:

Midnightish- Liam fusses very quietly until fed. When he sees the bottle he opens his little mouth like a fish and goes, "Uh uh" until he is given the bottle. This takes 5-10 min then straight back to bed where he puts himself to sleep by sucking on the shoulder fabric of his outfit.

4am-ish- Second bottle 5-10 min, puts himself to sleep by sucking on his shoulder.

6ish- 3rd bottle ditto on details. Sometimes will begin singing in attempt to make this time for wake up. Mom NEVER falls for this, she rolls over and falls asleep and eventually baby gives up.

7:30 This is the most consistent of all habits. Almost on the dot: The singing begins. He talks, laughs, fusses and sings. If I am super tired I let him do this for about 15 min while I cram in some extra ZZZZZs

7:15-8:30 Pop my head up over the railing and say, "Good Morning!" To which he ALWAYS grins at me. Pick him up and prop him up on the pillow on the bed in his room. Lay down next to him and doze for a few extra minutes while he plays with his hands. Usually he turns his head and watches, smiling sweetly. When he starts putting his feet in the air, I wake myself up again. He is prompting me for what comes next every morning. Unzip the sleep sack so he can look at his feet. Still laying next to him on the pillow, lift his feet so he can see them better and touch them. Then he will arch his back and look at the window until you open the blinds. Back to the feet. Time for you to play with Toe-sies. First you sit up and face him, rub them together, then you clap them together, then you sniff them and say, "Whew stinky feet!" (that is so from my paternal side, but how can one who never wears shoes get stinky feet?) Anyway then you put his feet on your cheeks (one foot per cheek) and say "Ching ching ching, " then put them on his cheeks and say, "Ping ping ping" at which point he will laugh because he thinks this is great. Repeat until he gets bored, or I get bored which usually comes first. Then lay down and put him on your chest for tummy time. Do this until he seems bored. Or you feel like you may actually drown if you get one more drop of drool on you. Diaper and clothing change. Clothing must have no feet because he likes to have his feet out in the morning, if you attempt to apply socks, they will be removed by said baby. Make sure every time you change his diaper you turn on the yellow stoplight above the changing table. If you forget, he will remind you by staring at the light. He will then look up and backwards for Daddy, but you have to remind him Daddy is at work but he loves him. Then apply massive quantities of zerberts to the belly region. To which baby will smile placatingly at you, because he hasn't decided why parents find this funny, but we are optimistic he will one day laugh. Marvel that the weight of his night time diaper is at least a pound, yes I've weighed it. Pick up baby and take him to the bathroom mirror so he can say good morning to the other baby.

8:30-10ish Put Liam in his "entertainer" and place "entertainer" and baby in the kitchen. Wait, reverse the order on that... Then do dishes and fix yourself breakfast. Scoot baby/entertainer into TV room and watch TV while eating breakfast. If baby fusses, give baby your undivided attention and he will again be happy. If he fusses call over Xena dog and he will be happy indefinitely. Put Liam in bark-a-lounger and take a shower. Make sure you place him next to the back door so he can watch the dogs run by and while in the shower, talk to him and sing. Preferably "Jerry the big giraffe." (His neck is long, his legs are strong) Get out of shower and make embarASSed jokes about mooning the baby. Make sure when you brush your teeth you face him so he can watch and laugh. Then brush his 2 teeth with his baby brush and mango fruit safe toothpaste.

10-11ish Nap then bottle or bottle then nap, just play it by ear. He can sleep in bed with you or in his bark a lounger. If he naps next to you be prepared to be smacked in the face repeatedly with outstretched arms.

11-12:30 Clean or whatever, just put him in his swing or on his mat or wherever he can see you.

12:30ish- This is lately his bigger nap, put him in his crib and close the door with monitor on. Blanket on, tuck him in kiss forehead and say "It's nap time!" like it is the greatest thing. Sneak back in later to take picture or just stare adoringly.

12:30-2pm Mama plays on Internet and watches TV

2pm- Liam wakes up, we run errands

3ish Attempt to feed the baby rice mush and peaches.

3:15-3:30 Clean up the mess feeding the baby caused, or let dog in to lick floor and baby.

3:30 Daddy comes home, change of guard, Mama takes a nap or finishes vacuuming or reads a book or pretends to do one of the above so she can have a moment alone.

4pm ish -Bottle and he and Daddy play on the Internet, play video games, do tummy time with heavy emphasis on practicing rolling over, fix things and do other manly things.

5-6pm Liam takes a nap time in his chair. Not before compalining over dramatically and very loudly.

6-6:30 Make dinner for adults and hang out with or bathe increasingly grumpy baby.

6:30-7pm Bedtime Routine: Put on the red stoplight. Sing "You don't have to put on a red light. Rooooooxane." Every time. Lube and change baby. Put on a sleeper sack suit. Baby will laugh and become extremely fun and happy. Do not be fooled, it is a trick. Hand baby to Daddy who will feed night time bottle. Turn on mobile and leave the room. Eaves drop on Daddy and baby from the safety of the living room.

7pm-midnight ish FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sleep, watch TV, throw a party, get drunk. Er, ignore the last one....

Was that detailed enough? Probably too much info. I told my mom she might want to print this and save it to refer back to, as needed, just in case. If he fusses for no reason, it is usually because he is too warm. Diaper changes are as needed, no predictable indicator except sniff test. Bottles are on a demand basis, if he is done or doesn't want it he will pretend to drink but then let the milk fall out of his mouth. I guess he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings....

Hope you enjoyed your brief foray into the life of Little Man Liam, til later!

Due to the Adorable Baby, You Will Not Notice This is the World's Most Boring Entry

I am kind of in a writing slump. I think it is all of the sleep deprivation. Liam is about 3/4 of the way weaned off BFing. I was feeling horrible about us being done with that phase of his life. Then he bit me. Hard. Several times and I am now over it. Pretty much. They say you can say, "Ouch" or "Mom doesn't like that" and the baby will get the point, but every time I yelp he just looks at me like, "Lady, what is your problem?" So I don't think he grasps the concept. We started solids a few days ago. Don't know why they call them that, they should call them softs. Mostly they end up on me, the floor and on the dogs, but we are getting better every day. I am watching LOST right now, then I am going to bed. I am totally addicted to that show. And now I will close with the hilarious thing my husband said to me: He said, "As if it is not bad enough that I found another man's socks between our sheets (holds up Liam's tiny socks), but I find the fact that you slept with a midget, particularly offensive." Man that still makes me laugh! I dyed my hair. Nothing funky like the bright magenta of last December '04 but like my natural dark brown. I had sooooooo much gray and I am only thirty, but it made me feel too old. Maybe I will have saggy boobs, stretch marks and love handles, but gosh darn it, I will not have gray hair too!!!!! Speaking of love handles, I will get rid of those real soon when I start running next month. Yay! Shows back on, gotta run!

No Boys Allowed ! ! !

OK so really no boy (Chris) allowed, because it is not like this blog attracts a male following! I have been writing this blog in my head for ages. I have a lot on my mind. Particularly breastfeeding, hence forth (BFing). I said I would stop when Liam was 6 months or got teeth, (he is a biter). Well Liam got two bottom teeth. They just popped up. However, I am slowly weaning him with the final day being around the 28th. Today I am adding the second bottle. I am hoping to make the experience not be too painful on either of us.
Speaking of painful... Sunday I worked a twelve hour shift. Without pumping because I never figured out how to do that correctly and the end result was that I went 16 hours, looked like Dolly Parton and was in soooooooo much pain! Oh and it made me start my period which means I have to go back on the pill which caused hair loss. But not good hair loss. If my hair is going to fall out, why can't it fall out everywhere? I am a hairy Portagee after all. Speaking of looking like Dolly Parton, pre pregnancy I wasn't a boobie girl and now I have them and I am so worried that after I am all done nursing I am going to end up with fold over/sock boobies. Pre preg I always said if that happened I would just get a "lift" of my own stuff, nothing added. Now that Liam is here that just seems petty and silly. "Sorry Liam we can't go to Legoland cause Mommy needs new boobies." [Let me pause here to say there is someone reading this who did have her boobies done after pregnancy and her very different situation made perfect sense and was not selfish or silly. And they look fabulous by the way.] Besides, if I have a spare few thousand to put down on myself, I think I would rather have all hair from below the eyebrows removed instead. See above aforementioned Portagee statement. I was lamenting that most of my stretch marks were on my boobs and Chris said, "So what? Are you planning on entering any wet t shirt contests?" That was nice. And no but maybe I aspire to work at Hooters or become a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, you just never know!

A Morning Person I am Not

So this morning, Liam decided to get up before the butt crack of dawn. On general principal I do not find it polite to rise before the sun. So finally after Liam protested loudly for about 45min we got up. But I would like it noted for the record, it was against my will. We are currently watching, "The Early Show" Know why they call it that? Cause it's friggin' early. I have never written a post this early before, can you tell I am hostile?
So I wanted Liam's bedtime to be at 8pm. He moved it to 7:30 then 7pm. Last night he wanted to go to bed at 6pm. Am I supposed to do this? What if he ends up moving his bedtime to noon and then wants to wake up at midnight? I have no idea, but I read this book called the Baby Whisperer or some crap, told me I was doing everything wrong and I suck.
So speaking of suck, I gave Liam like one oz of apple juice and 2 oz water, just to get him to make friends with the bottle. He hates the bottle. The bottle makes him angry. Apparently apple juice tastes like battery acid to him. He actually shoved it away. He doesn't even know how to shove things away yet, but apparently the apple juice was just that offensive. I am going to go lay on the tile floor next to the bouncy chair and try to fall asleep. Maybe he won't notice...

Today's Entry is Dedicated Entirely to My Son's Poop

Yes, I am aware, that I may be in need of psychological help. So Liam hadn't pooped in 4 days. Oh, he tried. His little face would become tomato red, there were grunts and yelps, but nothing to show for it. I tried baby massage, words of comfort, ("Who does number 2 work for!?"), gentle sounds, even a nice warm bath. Chris says it was like Liam spent the day at a spa. What was I to do next? Light some candles and put on some Barry White to get him in the mood? Scare the crap out of him? Never in my life did I imagine parenthood, would lead to my husband and I spending DAYS discussing our son's lack of pooh. There were phone calls exchanged, "Anything yet?" Text messages: "Has the eagle landed in the nest?" and "Brown package, not yet arrived." We sat around staring at him, probably causing performance anxiety. Audible farts were met with loud cheers and then we would flee from the smell, as his mocking laughter, rang in our ears. Finally knowing it may be the only thing that would force something to happen, I called the doctor. It worked! We had lift off, before the doc even had time to return the call. And it was silent. I didn't even notice until Gabby told me. She was sniffing interestedly in the diaper region, and I just knew. I held my breath, I didn't want to run, so I carried Liam quickly to the changing table. Could it be true? Had the brown package, indeed arrived? With anticipation growing with every second, I slowly removed the diaper and looked inside. What did I find...Peanut butter? Is that peanut butter? No, but it sure looked like it. What he had lacked in quantity he made up for in quality. I wrapped my prize in a doggie poop bag, tracked down Chris in the back yard and triumphantly exclaimed, "Hallelujah!" Actually I sang, this! (No really, I did.) "Did he poop? Is he really done? How does he feel?" We quickly ran back to check on him. He seemed to feel pretty good. We looked at him adoringly with pride shining in our eyes. At which point, he farted contentedly and I wiped a tear from my eye, (mostly from the smell, I admit.) Chris, turns lovingly to me, and says these wise, fatherly words: "What on earth did you eat?"

Happy New Year ! Funny It Kind of Looks the Same as the Old Year, So Far

So here is a picture of my dogs. They totally freaked out at the fireworks, like they do every year. Maybe it has something to do with the New Year's day years back when the neighbors lit the back fence on fire... There we all were in the living room celebrating, and suddenly the dogs slam themselves against the back sliding glass door. Some people inside were afraid of dogs so we just figured it was the gun fire or fire crackers that scared them and they were trying to get attention. Yes, I said gun fire, some yahoos in that old neighborhood felt a good way to celebrate was to fire their guns in the air at midnight. Yeah, cause most people always celebrate major events with random gunfire...I digress so we chalk it up to nerves, but suddenly we realize they are all acting REALLY frantic, so we go out back to calm them and, lo and behold, the back fence is ablaze! The rear neighbors sparkler ignited the fence. They saved the day! After that, we invited them in as our honored guests. Xena tied on a few too many, Gabby was in the corner with a lamp shade on her head, all in all it was a bit embarrassing but hey, we gave them a little lee-way, being as they saved the home from burning to the ground. So here is wishing you all a gunfire and regular fire-free new year!!!!!!!

Happy New Year!!!

This dog makes me laugh. Reminds me a few New Years back when I forgot the whole "Beer before liquour, never been sicker" rule. Good times, good times. Hoping all of you who go out and party have a safe and fun time, in that order!

So Much Dog-gone Fun

This entry is dedicated to my Homie Dani, if you don't comment on this one, you will break my heart!!!! This is a post all about how my dogs have reacted to having a new baby on their "turf". I do not mean this in a rude way, but honestly, if you don't like dogs, this post will put you to sleep! No comments from the peanut gallery Mom!!!!!
So here is an update on how all the dogs are doing with Liam. First off, Xena is the fluffy black and tan one, Gabby is the black one, Bailey is the yellow and black one and Riley is the....plump pitt. Love the picture of Liam riding Riley like a horsey, and people say pitt bulls are all viscious. So, Xena, the pack leader, is the only one who is allowed in the new house. She is allowed inside to sleep because of her bad back and seniority. Well, OK, Gabby can come in to sleep when it is super cold because it is very painful for her wrist's arthritis. Yes, the above pictures have everyone inside, but hey, it was Christmas! Seriously Mom, it really is a primarily puppy free house. So, Xena for the most part ignores or tolerates Liam. When he cries she either sighs over dramatically and looks mournfully at Chris and I as if to say, "I already raised 3 dogs, and now this?" Or sometimes she runs over and tries to lick him. All and all she is very good. Gabby is the only one who LOVES little man. When she is allowed inside she runs around the house until she finds him and when allowed to sleep inside she sleeps by his bed. This facinates me because a long time ago I wrote a post that said she was the wild card; I had no idea how she would react to a baby. She loves everything about him. Except for when he cries, then she runs and hides. Bailey act EXACTLY how I predicted, she doesn't like him. BUT she doesn't hate him either, which surprised me. She sees what the other dogs do to get praise, (being gentle around Liam, sniffing him, ) and she mimics the good behavior for praise. Hey, it is a start. She is a very jealous animal, so I will NEVER leave him alone with Liam and remember, she is the one that snapped at Sean. Bailey really surprised me yesterday by sleeping by Liam's crib while I was feeding him and then pacing the whole time he cried himself to sleep. Maybe she will learn to love him. Riley is the one who will eventually become Liam's greatest ally. Riley loves kids. It is funny, Liam and Riley have so many traits that are similar, Chris and I both, constantly call Riley Liam and vice/versa. Riley really needs some special loving lately. I have to go outside and give her lap time, so she doesn't feel neglected. Well that is my update. All in all it is working out even better than I had hoped, though I do need to work on spending a bit more time outside with the poochies. Til later!

Merry Dog-gone Christmas!

Xena did a run by licking...Again. Luckily Liam finds it funny. He really doesn't get the point of the Johnny Jump Up yet. He either pushes off and nearly slams his head into the doorway, or leans forward and sucks contendedly on the front part.
We had Christmas alone, because Chris had to work. After towing his 6th vehicle last night on Christmas Eve, a fellow officer came up on the channel 2 which is like, just officer to officer, (like our tac 2 Brina) and started singing, "You're a mean one, Mr Grinch." I thought that was hilarious! Liam is in the other room screaming his head off in his crib. Now that he is in his big boy crib, in his own room, not swaddled, it is so hard to get it "right". Half the time I end up bringing him out for a while and starting the process over again. The other half after change of clothes, diaper and laying him down he cries himself to sleep in minutes. Hard to know some times. Well, til later!

Christmas Begins With Christ

I wish all of my Homies nothing but all their dreams to come true this coming year. You guys are all awesome and I wish you nothing but the best.

Amtr@k Was Not Made For, With or By Moms

So I took the train to my parents house after a wonderful visit to my in-laws. Liam was soooooo good, people would get off at their stop, pass me and say, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea there was a baby here!" He NEVER cried for the whole 7 hours and he only slept sometimes. Other times he just "read" his book and played with his toys.

So, I have crappy balance. On a good day I can fall down for absolutely no reason. Now add a rocking train, a 16 pound baby and a flight of stairs. Not a good combo! After a few treks about the train, I only walked around the train while it was stopped. So I thought to myself, the downstairs HC bathroom will have a changing table, I can put Liam's changing pad down on it and keep a hand on him while I go to the restroom myself. Ha Ha Ha, the naivete. I tried it, once. The changing table comes down from the wall and covers up about 75% of the toilet. So I put down the pad put Liam down and begin contorting to fit UNDER the changing table. No need to hold on to Liam, if he rolled over his body would be cushioned by my head. So finally after impersonating a human pretezel I dangle my rear over the seat, (no way am I touching down), and it was almost impossible. So the next time I have to go after HOURS of "holding it" I think, I might as well just hold onto Liam. So I have one arm around his waist and he begins grunting. See, if you don't support his butt, Liam automatically starts this over-dramatic grunting, as if he believes it is impossible for any adult to hold onto him with out supporting his butt and he wants to let you know he has zero confidence in your ability to hold him with just one arm. So he is doing his normal one-arm-hold-zero-confidence-grunting and I am putting strips of toilet paper down on the seat which keep flying away, so that took forever and have you ever tried to unbutton Levi's with one hand? Re-buttoning was far worse. So I look down at Liam mid-process and his little face is completely tomato red. Heck, for once his over dramatic grunting was actually a valid plea for oxygen, who knew! So, although Liam did a great job travelling on the train, I apparently suck at it!

Get In Shape Girl, You Know The Feeling!!!

Does anyone remember the "Get In Shape Girl" products? I had one of those sticks with the long ribbons attached to it, and at age 10 I believed I was good enough to get into the next Olympics. I knew exactly one trick. What can I say, I was raised with a very healthy self-esteem. Which is coming in very handy right now since I am feeling pretty crappy about being so very out of shape. I was thinking about how excited I am to start this new fad I heard about, called "Jogging." It may be pronounced with a soft "J" like "Yogging," I'm not sure. Then I recalled the last time I tried yogging. Let us travel back in time to the Halloween 5K of 1999. Not only were they packing up all the finish line ribbons and banners when I finally gasped my way in, I was passed, somewhere around the midway point by a six year old wearing a cape. As I valiantly attempted to catch up to him, he yelled out, "No way lady!" And left me eating his dust. My wonderful Dad who is an Ultra-Marathon runner, left me to run laps around the course, while he waited for me to finish. I can only assume this was partly because he was cramping up from running so slow, partly boredom and a large part of embarassment. So, I can only home that this years attempt is more successful. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.

Breastfeeding is Not a Crime

I actually saw a bumper sticker that said that. I am sorry but Lactivists kind of scare me. I call them Breast Nazis. So when I got my blocked duct, (Chris you may not want to read this post), I went to a site called breastfeeding.com and this one lady asked, "Why does the breast milk from my left side taste sour, and the right side tastes sweet?" Huh? Either she is tasting her own milk (EW!!!) or her child is able to tell her this is so. Um, lady if your child has the ability to say, "Mother, earlier this evening when I partook in the magnificent feast that is your bosom, I couldn't help but notice, the left side is sour and the right is sweet. What a conundrum." HE IS TOO OLD TO BE BREASTFED!!!!!! I know of a lady whose 5 year old walks up to her, and goes up under her shirt to eat when he is hungry. How sick is that? The kid is going to remember this! Am I a prude? I don't think so. I do not force my view on others but I look at breastfeeding like this; it is a natural bodily function, yes, but so is urinating, and I personally am not going to do either in a public forum. BTW, I no longer consider being covered in a discreet out of the way place to be public--what I am talking about is like, whipping out a boob at a restuarant...near my food... OK, I'm done. Don't hate me.

Now for two funny BFing stories: So I am dispatching where my friend Brina works and I still work Per Diem, and I tell the Sgt, that I am going to need an extended break. Well, he starts to hum and ha about that and starts asking me how long am I working that day, (only 5 hours so I was technically only entitled 15 min), and I can tell he is going to give me grief. Brina can back me up, it was Sgt B, Brina, and he is kind of a stickler for procedure. So I just cut to the chase and say, "Look you're a dad, right?" Yes, he has two little girls. "Well, um, you know I am still breastfeeding and uh..so yeah, well, I need to um..." And then he gets it, "Oh! Oh, yeah of course, no problem. Oh yes that is the most natural thing in the world. Take as long as you need. How long do you need?" And it was like "don't look at the elephant in the room" and he glances at my chest and then away and then again. It was NOT like he was checking me out, it was just accidental. Still embarrassing. Like, (oops I just looked at her chest. Oops I just did it again, crap.) So, I told him 20 minutes should be just fine. So he says, sure, sure, Mickey will be here. I said, OK, please don't tell him why it will be a longish break and he agrees. So later Sgt B comes back and says, "Officer S (P2, B) is a dad and he will be here at exactly 4:30 on the dot OK?" Great, I say, but he doesn't need to know why the break is so long either, right? "Oh, no, no," he says. So 4:30 to the second Officer S comes in. "Ok, I'll be right back, where is the bathroom?" I ask. "Oh, well there is one right down the hall to the left and then again, but if you really want some privacy, go past the break room. It is real quiet, and real private and no one will bother you or hear anything...." AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH Sgt B must have TOLD him! How mortifying!!!!! Totally reminded of me of when I was 12 and I got my first bra. A little while after we got home, my dad said, "My little girl is growing up." And I ran screaming from the room.

Other story. Liam loves to suck loudly on his hands. Chris says the left one is chocolate and the right one is vanilla. Anyway, Chris is cool about me BFing in our home, wherever I want to, he would just like me to put a blanket over, because 1) he still thinks, "it's kinda weird, sorry" and 2) because "if I can't play with them, I don't want to see them" (sorry mom) Continuing, so I am feeding Liam, and we are all watching TV and Liam tires of feeding and leans back, sucks on his hands and starts going, "Mmmmmmm, (smack, smack, smack) uhhhhnnnnn." And Chris thinking Liam is still nursing goes, "For the love of God!!!!" And gets up to leave the room. I couldn't stop laughing as I tried to tell him, "It was his hands, his hands I swear!!!!!" Maybe you had to be there.....

Today's Post Brought to You by the Letter "Z"

I would give my prize ox for 8 hours of straight, uninterupted sleep. Boy am I tired. Chris has been off for the past 2 days and today, which NEVER happens and so sometimes I take a nap, but I don't have the heart to ask him to take over a nightly feeding, because he works so hard. Besides, Liam has gone on a bottle strike. He absolutely refuses the bottle right now. But on a postive note, he has comepletely weaned himself off of pacifiers. He prefers his hands. Last night at about 3am he freed one of his hands from his Miracle Blanket and was making these really loud "Smacking" sounds. It was loud enough that it woke both Chris and I up and I said, "Did you give him a lollypop?" But he was very happy, so smack away, I say. Chris from [ to ] do not read, it is girl stuff. [So I got a blocked milk duct and it hurt sooooooo bad! It honestly felt like there was a ball bearing behind the nipple that was trying to fight it's way out, for like a week. And my dime size bald spot is now the size of a quarter--very attractive. I cannot wait until febuary when Liam turns 6 months and I stop breastfeeding, to start running. AND go to a dermatologist before I look like Kojak. I am going to wait until Liam's febuary shots are over to stop BFing though because nursing him was one of the only things that calmed him down after the tourture session.] OK, Chris you can read again, the embarassing girl talk is through. Well I think that is all for now. Til later!

YOU'RE A GIRL WHO GREW UP IN THE 70'S AND 80'S IF....

You wore a rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other. [My mom and I had matching ones.]

You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.

You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a Stethoscope that actually worked.

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it. [Mine had a bell too.]

You learned to skate with actual skates, (not roller blades) that had metal wheels. (They also had 4 wheels)

You thought Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox were cute (Admit it!)

You had nightmares after watching Ripley's Believe It or Not

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.

You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill" because your Mom was sick of braiding your hair. [And then really tall bangs in high school--how cool you were directionaly proportionate to how high they were]

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession, [I had a metal Holly Hobbie lunch pail, my brother-- Kiss]

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers. [And don't forget those long dresses that hit the floor your mom made you wear for pictures and special occasions.]

You played Heads Up, 7-Up indoors at recess on rainy days.

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color, (with the long strands hanging down with beads on the end!!) COOL!

You had a pair of Birkenstock sandals (the ones with a wood sole & buckle). [If you were really cool, you had LA Gears!]

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson! [For me, my first and second grade pictures.]

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink. [I had many a birthday party at the rollar rink!]

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers"

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry muffin and Huckleberry Pie. [Don't forget Apple Dumpling!]

When no one was looking, you put Ken and Barbie in bed....Together!!!!!!!

You carried a Wonder Woman lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. [I used to put my hair in a ponytail, remove said ponytail while spinning around in circles and yell, "Wonder Womaaaaaan!]

Every now and then "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.

YOU had Star Wars action figures, too! [I was Princess Leia and my brother Luke Skywalker or Hans Solo, for like, 5 Halloweens in a row.]

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the questions

To you MASH, is a game not a TV show

You saw the Thriller video a gazillion times

You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. [Plaster of Paris anyone?]

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts! [For years I had special made T-shirts that said "Clean Rooms Are Boring" if I out grew it, we just had a new one made!]

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker [I did this all the time]

You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club.

You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (and of course, wearing cool leg warmers!!)

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.

You had subscriptions to Teen, Teen Beat and Tiger Beat.

You wore knee socks to hide hairy legs. (That might be just me...)

You spent all your allowance on scratch and smell stickers for your sticker album.

I love being a girl. I hope some day I have a little girl, who has sleepovers and stuff. My friend since, we were 8 sent me most of the above, but I added and modified quite a few of them to fit my childhood. Hope it made you remember and laugh.

My Little Blue Pill

Chris and I call Liam our little Viagra when he is wrapped up tight in his blue swaddling Miracle Blanket. I guess we could call him a 50mg Zoloft (also blue, trust me), but Viagra seems much funnier. Went Christmas shopping today. Ended up with some outfits for Liam, (but they were on sale!) and lots more home decorations. Well Liam has soiled himself, so I must go, til later!

Hmmmm.....Not Really a "Kodak" Moment

We took 67 pictures of Liam in his adorable white henly shirt, blue overalls and vans. These are the best of the bunch. Seriously. All the others he looked upset, bored, sleepy, mildy retarded (I am so sorry but it is true), OR Xena kept jumping in front of the camera. She knows that when she sits real still for the "flashy thing" she gets lots of praise. And you KNOW the second I put the camera away Liam was all smiles. Oh well. Maybe the ones I intend to take of him in his Santa suit with the dogs sitting around him in their elf costumes will be better, but I kind of doubt it. Til later!

Oh the Humanity ! ! !

How crappy is your life, if your job is "the guy who crams the turkey neck up it's own ass." What does he tell the ladies? "I am a poultry proctologist." This was my first time cooking the turkey, after eight years of marriage and I was not prepared. My poor turkey. The indignity. The bondage of the legs! The yummy tasty breast piece... Oh wait, no that was improper, that poor turkey. I would like to take a moment and say a few words for the turkey that gave his 12 pound life for my family. Here goes. "Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. And further more, it goes with out saying, gobble gobble gobble. Thank you." Now let's eat!!!!!!

You Woulda Thunk Someone Woulda Warned Me....

I am going bald. Yep it is official. I am about to have a receeding hairline. Nothing wrong with that....IF I WAS A BOY!!! I found like a dime size bald patch after losing tons of hair. I have been finding it everywhere; on my pillow, in the shower, on Liam. I called my doc and she said it was completely normal, post pregnancy hair loss, and not to worry it should all grow back in about a year. A YEAR! So until then I have invested in some great hats. Speaking of pulling my hair out, my dogs got bit AGAIN!!!!! The same ones, Gabby and Riley. Chris came home from the vet today and said, "Well, the good news is these dogs are pumped so full of antibiotics, if they get bit again soon, they don't have to go back to the vet." Greeeeaaat. I have included a picture of Gabby and her blue cast, guarding Liam and one of Riley acting like she is sooooo put upon because we are forcing her to lie on a soft cushy bed...Well that's all for now.

Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

Ok, so I am two days early, but I am so thankful I just can't help it! This time last year I was recovering from surgery and living in a crappy rental in a really bad neighborhood. The only bad thing right now is I have two injured dogs from--they got bit by the neighbors dogs, but they are OK. I will right more tomorrow. Til then.

Let Us Pause to Reflect...No Nevermind, Let's Not!

Look at the circumference of that noggin, is it any wonder why he got stuck???? I love the other picture because it is one of those take a picture with the camera at an arms length you know the kind, that half of the time come out really bad or you end up with a picture of your ear and the wall behind you? I know you know what I am talking about. Not only did I actually get both of us in the picture but look how happy he is!!!! My parents are coming to visit tomorrow, I am so excited!!!!! Til later!!!

PS [THEY'VE CREATED A MONSTER]: When I first married Chris his spelling and grammar were horrific. I specifically remember correcting one of his love letters with a red pen when we were dating. Anyways now that he went to the police academy and took like 117 hours on report writing, HE is definitely the better speller. The other night, he actually lectured me on how I wrote my blog with bad punctuation and asked me if I would like him to fix it.... That's so funny to me!!! Of course he was right, though. Hope you all don't mind my creative punctuation etc. but I like to write the way I talk. When I was a college English tutor, I counseled against using such "conversational English" but here I like it. Oh, my Liam is eating his blanket, gotta go!!!

In the Beginning....

Now that I know how to add pics, I'd like to add afew from his very first days.
My face was soooo swollen! His cone shaped head went away amazingly fast.

ARE YOU CALLING MY KID FAT?

We went with Chris to the barber's. The barber looked into Liam's stroller and said, "Oh, wow he won't be mistaken for scrawny." ....

I dyed all of Chris's white work undershirts pink.... Mama C, got me a beautiful purple shirt for my birthday,..... Yeah, enough said.So Liam is still Mr. Snuffles, but he seems to have gotten used to it. Want to hear something really funny? Chris and I didn't see each other much yesterday, yet over 80 miles away from each other, we both went to Subway and both ordered the exact same thing. You may think, huh, interesting coincindence, but let me tell you why it is pretty amazing. Since the day Subway opened it's doors, I ALWAYS get the spicy Italian BMT. And I hate it toasted. Yesterday we both got steak and cheeses toasted. So cool. I blame our psychic abilities on our socks. Yup, I said socks. I was collecting the laundry and Chris threw the socks he had been wearing onto the top of the load I was carrying. I started laughing, Chris thought it was because his white socks were mismatched, "I know, I know, the smaller one really sucked because it didn't go up high enough in my boot." I still laughed, "Chris," I snorted, "that is because it is mine!" (He wears a men's 12, I a womens 8 which is the same as a men's 6.) Not that funny, I am sure Chris was thinking, after all they are both white. "Look at my feet!!!!!" I choked out. I had the matching one one of my socks on and his---floppy on my foot, missing sock! Hmmm...maybe you had to be there....I am such a klutz today! I was sitting by the window and noticed a fly buzzing behind the blinds. So I get the brilliant idea to swat the blinds into the window in an attempt kill said fly. The blinds hit the window, bounced back, smacked into and then knocked my full glass, off the ledge. Oh, don't worry, the window and the drinking glass didn't break....the bowl the glass landed on did though! And the sugary drink I had in the glass went EVERYWHERE. Including onto Liam, his chair, my chair, the floor and the walls. That was fun. As I cleaned it, the very much alive, fly landed on my spilled mess. Sigh. Oh well.
Til later!

Liam's V-R-R-ROOM

This is how I decorated Liam's room. Today's pictures also include, Liam snacking on his new favorite treat- his right hand, the funny position he fell asleep in today and a great mystery which is: how can a baby that starts at the top of his cradle every night wrapped up tight, end up at the bottom of the cradle every morning???? I just don't know. Well, Liam is doing better, today but really tired! I am totally veggie-ing out today, watching hokey, scary movies. Liam's future wife Madeline Rose was born today to my friend Katie. She is only like 3 1/2 pounds but doing really well. That is all for now. Talk later!

If I was One of the 7 Dwarfs, I'd be Grumpy

I am in a poopie mood, because Liam is in a poopie mood. I am just not used to him being so whine-y. It is hard to get anything done because either he wants to be held, or he is adamant he wants to be put down-but he wants to stare at me. Right now he has his eyes closed but he is whimpering pathetically. Do you think he got bird-flu from his Halloween costume?....


PS Can you tell, I finally, after a whole year, figured out how to add pictures?!

My Poor Little Snuffle-lupa-gus

Took Liam to the doc his morning, he was so stuffed up and miserable. Turns out he isn't teething, he has a bad cold. The "tooth" Chris and I saw was a little blister. Liam has gained 11 oz since his check up days ago!!! He weighs 13 pounds 4 oz. So much for my worry he wasn't nursing enough! As you can see from the pictures, Liam is doing all he can to fight this cold.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????!!!!!!!

CHAPTER NINE--WHAT TO EXPECT THE FIRST YEAR--THE FIFTH MONTH:

Drooling----CHECK

Chin rash---CHECK

A little cough (from excess drool)---CHECK

Finicky Feeding---CHECK

A lump forming under the gum--CHECK

Irritability.......you tell me: (Exhibit A above afore mentioned picture)


TEETHING??????? ALREADY?????? I should have known my son would be an over achiever! I guess I should be proud. Instead of breaking out the champangne I gotta break out the baby orajel, though....

Tucked in, Ready for Bed

My favorite picture!!! Now this is just a happy baby!!!!!

The Angry Duckling 

Me 30 years, Liam 10 weeks!