Breastfeeding is Not a Crime

I actually saw a bumper sticker that said that. I am sorry but Lactivists kind of scare me. I call them Breast Nazis. So when I got my blocked duct, (Chris you may not want to read this post), I went to a site called breastfeeding.com and this one lady asked, "Why does the breast milk from my left side taste sour, and the right side tastes sweet?" Huh? Either she is tasting her own milk (EW!!!) or her child is able to tell her this is so. Um, lady if your child has the ability to say, "Mother, earlier this evening when I partook in the magnificent feast that is your bosom, I couldn't help but notice, the left side is sour and the right is sweet. What a conundrum." HE IS TOO OLD TO BE BREASTFED!!!!!! I know of a lady whose 5 year old walks up to her, and goes up under her shirt to eat when he is hungry. How sick is that? The kid is going to remember this! Am I a prude? I don't think so. I do not force my view on others but I look at breastfeeding like this; it is a natural bodily function, yes, but so is urinating, and I personally am not going to do either in a public forum. BTW, I no longer consider being covered in a discreet out of the way place to be public--what I am talking about is like, whipping out a boob at a restuarant...near my food... OK, I'm done. Don't hate me.

Now for two funny BFing stories: So I am dispatching where my friend Brina works and I still work Per Diem, and I tell the Sgt, that I am going to need an extended break. Well, he starts to hum and ha about that and starts asking me how long am I working that day, (only 5 hours so I was technically only entitled 15 min), and I can tell he is going to give me grief. Brina can back me up, it was Sgt B, Brina, and he is kind of a stickler for procedure. So I just cut to the chase and say, "Look you're a dad, right?" Yes, he has two little girls. "Well, um, you know I am still breastfeeding and uh..so yeah, well, I need to um..." And then he gets it, "Oh! Oh, yeah of course, no problem. Oh yes that is the most natural thing in the world. Take as long as you need. How long do you need?" And it was like "don't look at the elephant in the room" and he glances at my chest and then away and then again. It was NOT like he was checking me out, it was just accidental. Still embarrassing. Like, (oops I just looked at her chest. Oops I just did it again, crap.) So, I told him 20 minutes should be just fine. So he says, sure, sure, Mickey will be here. I said, OK, please don't tell him why it will be a longish break and he agrees. So later Sgt B comes back and says, "Officer S (P2, B) is a dad and he will be here at exactly 4:30 on the dot OK?" Great, I say, but he doesn't need to know why the break is so long either, right? "Oh, no, no," he says. So 4:30 to the second Officer S comes in. "Ok, I'll be right back, where is the bathroom?" I ask. "Oh, well there is one right down the hall to the left and then again, but if you really want some privacy, go past the break room. It is real quiet, and real private and no one will bother you or hear anything...." AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH Sgt B must have TOLD him! How mortifying!!!!! Totally reminded of me of when I was 12 and I got my first bra. A little while after we got home, my dad said, "My little girl is growing up." And I ran screaming from the room.

Other story. Liam loves to suck loudly on his hands. Chris says the left one is chocolate and the right one is vanilla. Anyway, Chris is cool about me BFing in our home, wherever I want to, he would just like me to put a blanket over, because 1) he still thinks, "it's kinda weird, sorry" and 2) because "if I can't play with them, I don't want to see them" (sorry mom) Continuing, so I am feeding Liam, and we are all watching TV and Liam tires of feeding and leans back, sucks on his hands and starts going, "Mmmmmmm, (smack, smack, smack) uhhhhnnnnn." And Chris thinking Liam is still nursing goes, "For the love of God!!!!" And gets up to leave the room. I couldn't stop laughing as I tried to tell him, "It was his hands, his hands I swear!!!!!" Maybe you had to be there.....