I Am At 32 Weeks Today!!!!

Today started out crappy. I threw up 5 times, tripped over Xena-dog, slammed my foot into the door, tripped again, fell onto the dresser and slammed my head into the wall.

And this is how I started my week. The following is from a press release:

"On July 20, 2005 at 0736 hours, police responded to a major injury accident in the 1000 block of Laurel Street. Officers determined that a 2 year old boy was struck by a motor vehicle.

The preliminary investigation reveals that the child's parent legally parked in the 1000 block of Laurel Street to drop him off at a child care facility. As the parent and child were on the sidewalk, the child ran out into the street away from his parent. A 1998 Toyota Rav 4 was traveling northbound in the 1000 block of Laurel Street when the child ran into the street, and struck the child in the roadway. The driver, a 51-year female Stockton resident, did not see the child enter the roadway.

The child was taken to the Stanford hospital and underwent surgery this morning. Currently, the child is in critical condition. The accident is still under investigation, but it appears that this is tragic accident."

This was by far one of the worst calls I had ever taken. Lady was just hysterical with the baby screaming in the background. The people at my job were great. Told me I did a really good job. Everyone was so worried about me, they thought I would identify with the mom. I was OK, and actually I identified with the driver. Don't know if I already told you, but I hit a child with my car--wasn't at fault either, but that doesn't mean I don't have to live with the memory. Enough on that.

I have been so busy lately that I haven't blogged AT ALL or emailed ANYONE. I am sorry. I am soooooo excited for this weekend. It is my family's baby shower in San Luis Obispo. I just found out two days ago that I had finally saved up enough vacation time, to request Saturday off. I kept earning and burning as fast as I got it, being sick. I can't believe Liam will be here in just 2 short months! Even though I still get sick sometimes, I am finally starting to enjoy this pregnancy. And I am huge by the way, luckily it is all on the front so far. . .It is so neat to rest my hands on my (enormous), belly and feel Liam roll by. He is so active. He still loves to put his feet up under my ribs, which really hurts. Sometimes after he moves, I push down there so he can,t come back for a while. Last week, I pushed down to block him, and a minute later he came back, and he kicked me really hard until I moved my hand! Then he put his feet right back where he wanted them. Such stubbornness already! Every night, what I pray for Liam, is that, "let him be physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally healthy." I have my last U/S on Wednesday to see if I have placenta previa. I can't wait to see my big boy. He is going to look so...real! I mean all he has to do now is put on weight. I think I will go out on maternity leave, starting August 27th, unless I feel amazing, then I might push it a little further, but probably not. It would actually be awesome if my water broke and I went into labor here at work because the hospital my doctor uses, that I am supposed to use, is only 2½ miles away. Plus I have no shortage of people here who could get me there, lights and sirens!
Chris is still my FAVORITE thing about being pregnant. He says the funniest things, and he is so excited. I have that dark line on my belly, the Linea Negra, and Chris loves it. He says, "Beck it is so cool, you have really big boobs AND a new paint job!" We celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary this past 4th of July. It was great. We stayed at a really nice hotel in Half Moon Bay. Watched the fireworks on the beach and explored some tide pools. It was a wonderful time.
Guess what? Chris and I are buying a home! If all goes as planned, escrow closes on Aug. 21 and we should be in the home by September first! This is perfect timing, because it will be before the baby and about the time I want to start maternity leave. It is so exciting and scary. Our rental is just too small. Especially since my mommy is coming to help after Liam arrives. Also the reason we are trying to do it now, is because, the loan is bigger when you factor in my income, and I may or may not go back to work, so we are kind of rushing. The home is in Manteca which is like an hour drive for Chris and I. Homes in the bay area start at $650,000, for like a shack. Totally insane, and we could never afford that. Manteca is Spanish for lard. It is desert and gets to be in the low 100s in the summer and really cold in the winter. All the homes out there have A/C and fireplaces. Chris and I decided that, if God wants us to by a home things would fall together perfectly like He has done with us in the past, (you know like getting pregnant ONE MONTH after my surgery to fix me), and if He thinks this is the wrong time, we asked He please make things feel forced and we would stop. Well, so far, everything is going really well. Best par about the house? HUGE yard. The Sellers still live there right now, and one of the bedrooms, has a crib in it and is painted this perfect blue color! The master bedroom is a deep brick red, the kitchen is Forrest green and the living room is really pleasing shades of beige. There are really nice tile floors in every where but the bedrooms and living room, which has a fireplace. It is 3 bedrooms, 2 baths. Built in 1993. The colors match our furniture really well. It is fitting, and what are the chances--we have gotten two multi-painted homes in a row? Only this one was professionally done and blends nicely. Not that the orange, urine yellow, sky blue and neon green of our current rental don't blend but,...um...yeah...
The following is my list of things I NEED before Liam gets here. Anyone have any ideas of which of these sucks, is a waste of money, or something I should add? I'd love the input:

Johnson and Johnson baby shampoo, soap, lotion etc.
New disposable baby bathing wash cloths
Baby wipes and wipes warmer* (Brina said I could have her warmer--cool!)
Newborn diapers
Diaper Genie and refills
Bathtub*
Sleeper Snugli* (it is like a padded thing they sleep in on your bed)
Baby Powder and Butt Crème
Grooming and Safety kit*
Regular wash cloths
Dreft laundry detergent
Burp cloths
Crib sheet savers
Pacifiers and rattle
Swing* (co-worker said I could have hers!)
Diaper backpack
(pads and cream for boobies)*blush*
(bottles, bottle warmer, formula, pump and bottle dishwasher holder can wait)
those little hand covers so he doesn't scratch his face
Seat guard for the truck, so car seat won't indent it*
[if it has a * I may get it as a gift this weekend]

These are the things I will get but they can wait a little while:

Gate*
Swing*
Safety latches and guards for the house
Bottles, bottle warmer, formula, pump, bottle dishwasher
High chair*
Back pack carrier for Chris*
Doorway jumper*

Forgive me for my long delays in Posting. Til next time...

Someone Get Me a Giant Hamster Ball--Fast!!!!

Liam has a protective sac around him at all times. He is safe. What do I have? Horrific balance. And bloody knees. Chris and I were at Olive Garden, and he moved the car to come pick me up, while I was in the restroom. So I walk out of the restaurant, looked right at Chris and our truck and kept walking the other way to where the car was parked. Chris honks, and I realized it was him. Just so you know, we just got a new camper shell the day before, that is why I didn't recognize the truck, not because I am a complete moron. Well, I was laughing at myself, for not noticing him, and I stepped off the curb between two cars. I stumbled, caught myself then tripped over the concrete parking block. Normally I wouldn't have fallen but my balance, bad on a non-pregnant day, is really off now. So I dropped like a ton of bricks. Scuffed my knees, bloodied a toe, road rashed my hands, and completely shattered, my pride. I knew immediately Chris would be terrified the baby was hurt, so I popped up like a jack in the box and shouted, "Liam is fine!" Meanwhile I was just sobbing and laughing hysterically, both because I hurt, and because I was really embarassed. It is a good thing, I told Chris we were OK, because he was already calling medics and running to see if I was OK. He said, "You were there and then you just....weren't. All I saw was you and then your hands underneath those cars!" So I am thinking, the only hope for me is if I just roll around in a giant plasitc hamster ball for the next 3 months. You know, just in case.

OH DEER!

My life is wonderful. I love it. But when I go to work, usually it is not that exciting. I get a lot of 911 hang ups that lead to nothing but hair-pulling, "I didn't call 911." replies. I always like to say, "Well ma'am, 911 doesn't do random house calls." And my officers work in a small sleepy town, nestled between gang land to the South, and Brina's wacky Twilight Zone city to the North. (She gets the weirdest things even though her town is small like mine.) Back me up on that, B. Chris' job however, is exciting and fast paced. He has the best stories ever. Some are sad, some are scary but some are so funny, I cry with laughter. What is really funny, (and occasionally frustrating), though is that he will regale me with these amazing, colorful tales but then when I prompt him to retell them later, it goes one of 3 ways. Every time.
#1
Me: Chris tell them about the traffic stop with the midget.
Chris: Which one is that?
Me:You know, the one with the midget, the Hungarian waiter and......
Chris:(Blank stare) I have no idea what you are talking about.
Me: How could you forget??? The guy was holding a tuna!
Chris:Hmmm....Sorry that just doesn't ring any bells.
Me: ARRGGGHHH!!!!

#2
Me: Chris tell them the one about the midget.
Chris: Which one was that?
Me:You know the one with the Hungarian waiter and the tuna?
Chris:Oh, yeah, I stopped this Hungarian waiter and he had a big tuna.
Me: And.....(exasperated) Tell them the whole thing, you know, the midget...
Chris: Oh yeah, and when I stopped him, there was this midget in the car with him.
Me: What??!! That isn't even remotely the exciting, hilarious story you told me!
Chris: Oh, I guess I don't remember it then.

#3
Me: Tell them the one about the midget, the Hungarian waiter and the giant tuna.
Chris: I don't remember that one.
Me:Fine I will tell it.
(So I launch into this wild tale, full of humor and excitement. Spellbinding the listener. Then I finish. Big. And always true to how I remember the story.)
Chris:No, that's not how it went at all. Where did you get the idea there was a possum? There was no possum.
(Me, looking like a total jackass.)
Me: you said you didnt' remember!
Chris: I don't, but there definitely wasn't a possum involved.
Me:AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!

And so, it is without further ado, that I tell you Chris' story about the deer in the road. There are no Hungarian waiters or Tuna in this story, though. Come gentle readers, join me: So Chris does a traffic break on the freeway, ( where they drive back and forth to stop traffic, to pick up debris, etc.), for another unit, because that other unit needed to get a large dead deer out of the road. Well, it turns out the deer is like a 10 point buck and cannot be moved easily. So the officer grabs a pole with kind of a noose on the end. You know like animal control uses on rabid dogs? He links the "noose" around the buck's head and antlers and is dragging the deer out of the middle of the freeway. Suddenly the deer wakes up! It was just stunned, but the officer's pole is still wrapped up in the antlers. This poor officer is attempting to wrangle this giant buck in front of dozens if not hundreds of stopped motorists, (this is a main freeway in the Bay Area, after all), and in front of this audience, the buck jumps up on a Mercedes in the front row and begins what was described to me as "an energetic tap dance" on the hood, while the poor CHiPPie is still trying to get his pole detached from the antlers! The Mercedes was annihilated, it eventually had to be towed it was so severely damaged. Finally the deer gets loose, and frolics off into the wilderness. Chris says even when they tried to get traffic moving again, the spectators just sat there for a while in shock. the whole thing, for once, was another officer's call so Chris just got to watch the show.

CHP officer's dry cleaning bill from wrangling deer............................................$13.00
Deer wrangling pole......................................$40.00
Damage done by deer to Mercedes..............................................$6000.00
Watching in stunned silence as a deer destroys some random Mercedes Benz?..............................................................................................PRICELESS

Sloppy-Joe? More Like Sloppy-Noooooo!!!!!

I had a horrific experience with sloppy-joes the other day. Needless to say, sometimes I still have very bad days. Yesterday I went to the doc with stabbing pains below the "bump." I have a bladder infection. Oh joy! So on top of feeling pregnancy-tired, I also feel, rundown, infection tired. OK, enough whining, onto better and brighter things...
So Chris' brothers visited this past weekend. They drove up from LA. They are so awesome, but staring up at their 6'4 frames, and giving them hugs, I couldn't help but notice their extremely broad shoulders. And I became afraid. Very, very afraid. This is what the "C" side of the family has to offer. Gigantic men and I am having a boy. AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Luckily my brother, is about 6'1, 120. OK, well he's not that skinny, but we on the "B" side of the family are known for small bones, so maybe it won't be so bad.

Cute thing that Chris did: We took the dogs to a Santa Cruz dog beach. No dogs allowed until after 4pm so all the dog owners wait at the top of the stairs, until the clock strikes 4. So I am heading down the steps, very slowly, very carefully, with Xena, and people are coming up the stairs, but in the back of my mind I noticed, even though there was a crowd of dog people at the top of the stairs, including Chris +3 dogs, I am the only one going down the steep stairs. I found out much later, Chris was up at the top of the stairs, and he told the waiting crowd, they all had to wait until his pregnant wife made it down to the bottom so she wouldn't get knocked down by their dogs. Isn't that cute! He takes such good care of me. Also the other night after I went to bed, I couldn't sleep because I could smell dog poop out side the window. So sweet Chris went out into the night and shoveled poop until I gave the all clear. He is definitely my favorite part of being pregnant.
I haven't posted in so long, not because I was too busy, but because I just don't have anything to say... Job is going fine, Liam is doing fine, I am getting by. I can't think of anything else, right now. I promise to update as anything remotely interesting occurs!

Is It Still Considered Child Labor if He is Enjoying Himself?

The other day, my friend Alicia came over to help me clean, and she brought my little buddy Sean. Wouldn't you know, Sean loves to clean. At first I thought it would be more of a pain, you know, like I would have to go behind him and re-clean everything he touched. But no, he is a really good little helper! The funniest thing was, when I was-----Holy Cow!!!! Not to interrupt myself, but I am at work and a tour group of about 15 people just walked in here! I think they were here to visit a real live police station, but I am not sure...Meanwhile, I have magazines, beef jerky, nilla wafers, teddy grahams, bananas, triscuts, health bars, bagels, donuts and a smoothie, spread out all over the counters! Sitting down, I don't look pregnant, these people must have thought I was the world's biggest pig!! That was so embarrassing. I wonder who the heck they were? I wonder why no one warned me... Anyway back to my story, I would sweep up all the dog hair into a giant pile, (we are talking about enough hair that I could reconstruct an image of any one of my 50 pound plus poochies) and Sean would take his dump truck toy, fill the scoop with hair and dump it in the trash. It was so cute! Thank God, for Alicia, my house looked better than it had in years, er, I mean months!
It is so fantastic being back at work. Some days are really hard, mostly towards the end of the day, but yesterday...Yesterday was the first day since I was diagnosed with Hyperemisis that I didn't feel sick the whole day! Not once! That is huge! It may also be a fluke, but all day I thanked God for the reprieve, and prayed I would finally be turning the corner.
So how is Liam? He is doing great. We are at 6 months tomorrow! He kicks quite a bit. I love laying down and putting the remote on my tummy because, when he kicks, it bounces noticeably. It's kind of frustrating though, because every time I have Chris put his hand on my belly, Liam immediately stops moving. Then when Chris gives up, Liam starts his rehearsals for joining the Rockettes, again. Also my center of gravity is a little off, and I keep forgetting that. Yesterday I was leaning forward really far to hang something up and I fell face first into the closet! Chris, who was standing right there, didn't even blink, he is so used to my clutz-y-ness. He just said, "What the heck are you doing?" Like I suddenly just got a wild urge to inspect the floor of the closet close up. Floor's fine in there, by the way.
It really sucked being the only one of my friends who didn't have kids and wasn't pregnant. But I got to tell you, now that I am the pregnant one when everyone else is finished---Score! So far I have been given bouncy chairs, boxes of baby clothes, play mats, and Brina gave me 2 bags of great maternity clothes. I feel so lucky!
And on a final random note, my friend "D", she is the one who we started trying to make a kid at the exact same time, is pregnant again! Trevor is only 7 months, wow! Can I just say if at this point in my life, if she was pregnant for the second time AND Brittany Spears gets to be pregnant too.... Well if I was sitting here still barren, I really think I'd be looking for a bell tower to climb with a high powered rifle. So, um, it's really good that fiasco was averted, huh? Til later!

I'm Still Here!

Part of the reason, I haven't posted in a long time, is because every time I tried to write down the "funny" story of my U/S, it just comes out as one of those "You had to be there." stories. So, just choke out a courtesy laugh for me, k?
So, I went for my 20 week U/S at a different office and the technicians were in training. So I am laying on the table soooo nervous the kid won't cooperate, and 3 people walk in to the room which is about the size of a closet---and not a walk in one. All three are Indian with very thick accents. So they start the scan and they are completely ignoring me. They keep turning the screen away and I keep reaching out and tilting it so I can watch MY kid. So half way through the scan, they all gather around the screen blocking my view.

Tech #1:Fema!

Tech #2:Ahhhhhh!

Tech #3:Oh, yes! Beee-u-tee-ful fema!

(My heart just stops.)

Me: So it's a girl then? (straining to look at the blocked screen)

They all turn and stare at me as if noticing I was in the room for the first time.

Tech #1: Why would you think that? We haven't gotten to that part yet. We are looking at the legs right now.

Me: Oooohhhh FEMUR. (Long awkward pause with all three of them staring at me, like I am an interloping idiot.) All right then, I'll just be over here if you need me.

So the exam continued on with out me. Finally they finish up and the doctor came in.

Doc: (Thick, thick Irish brogue) Let take a look. Oh ( unintelligible) head (unintelligible) ha ha.[proceeds to bang on my stomach, up and down with the wand, in an effort to get the baby to turn.]

Me: [Laughing] Geez, don't dent the kid's head!

Doc: (Unintelligible) Ha Ha Ha dent (?) water (?) cervix (?) (something about a Cadillac ?)

And he leaves the room. Then when I don't move--

Tech #1: He said, go drink some water, so he can get a better look at your cervix.

So as I wander off to the water cooler, I ponder how on earth these people understand each other. After about 15 minutes, I am escorted back in and a very kind Asian woman who has an accent so thick, I never understood her either, takes over. She needed the baby to move so she could see my cervix, so she grabs me by the hip and shoulder (this is after I stared at her for several uncomfortable moments, not understanding what she was asking me to do), and she rolls me onto my side and starts shaking me really hard. I couldn't stop laughing, it seemed so silly. So, the kid finally got the hint and moved. Now, to add to my woes, I have a low lying placenta and will need another scan at 32 weeks to see if I have placenta previa. Sigh, after battling infertility, I don't know why I thought I had a "right" to an easy pregnancy. Oh well. That is my funny story. You had to be there, huh?

****************************

Guess what? I am writing this at work! That is another reason it took me so long to post. They let me come back on days. Since I still get sick at night and I cannot stay awake past 1am, I met with my bosses. I politely told them it was either days or I would be back around mid-December. So here I am on my 4th 12 hour day! Boy am I exhausted! After 3 months off, this is a 48 hour week. Every night I go straight to bed. I am so happy to be here, and the officers I am working with now are SOOOOOO much nicer than the night shift guys I was working. Well that is all for now. I will try to write more.

I Am Having A......Huh?

I went to get this 20 week U/S at a different office and I could not understand a word any of the doctors or nurses were saying. They all had accents. I will write a much longer entry all about it, but for now I wanted to share, for now we are having A BOY!!!!!!!! Introducing Liam David!!!! Chris' dad is William, and Liam is the Irish form of that (WilLIAM) and my dad is David so, it's really neat. Can't wait to share a funny story about the appointment, 'til later, bye!

Cross Your Fingers and Toes For Me Please

Went to the doc today: baby's heartrate is 132 bpm, I have gained 2 pounds (that is 4 total, well 14 if you count the 10 or so I lost that came back, I have the cutest lil Buddha belly, I love it), all of the results from the blood test for defects came back negative and the chance of having a baby with downs syndrome is 1 in 10,000, (that is really low). I am still not cleared to go back to work yet. But here is the big, big news, drumroll please...... I haven't thrown up in 5 days!!!!! That is huge! Unfortunately my job is being awful. I really think they are hoping I quit. I have been "practicing" staying up later and later, my goal was to make it until 2am, so far I can make it until 1am. The reason is, they told me when I came back I would get the cover shift, which is 4pm-2am. Today they said, no, when I come back I have to work 7pm-7am. I only get nauseas now when I am really tired. Hmmmm.... do you think, I, at almost 5 months pregnant, will get tired at all, working a 12 hour shift through an entire night? Gee, I wonder. They didn't even ask the day shifters if they were willing to trade with me. It wouldn't be so bad to just not go back till much later, except we really, really got reamed in taxes and we could really, really use the double income.

Pregnancy magazines are really stupid. The years before we were trying, and the ones where we were unsuccessfully trying, I never never NEVER would have read one of them. Why torture myself with something, I couldn't have? Well I've bought a few, and every one of them had articles on overcoming infertility, and I thought, wow these people have no clue. To me that seemed like having vegan recipes in a hunting magazine, hello? Know your market. Sigh. Oh well, I am sure they meant well. Actually maybe not, there was this article, that I swear should have been called, "10 Things You Didn't Know to be Afraid of After Delivering." Scared the daylights out of me. I am rambling, I realize that, sorry. Continuing on, I am not taking Lamaze classes. Chris and I would just not fit in. We'd probably get kicked out anyway, we have kind of a warped sense of humor. Chris and I were in the crowded OB waiting room, and Chris turns to me and says, quite loud, "Have you figured out who the father of this kid is yet?" While other mom's to be looked on mouths agape. I told him, I found him a lot funnier before my hormones set in. Well, I have rambled on long enough. If I don't write sooner, I will write again Thursday the 28th for sure, when we find out if Perry is a girl or a boy, I can't wait! And a final shout out to my friend since 6th grade, "K". She is at the very beginning stages of pregnancy and the baby is having difficulty "sticking." Please send all prayers and sticky thoughts her way as MANY of us know how scary this time can be. Til later!!!

List O' Random Stuff

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10am, then I promptly rolled over and went back to sleep.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Tattoos. (My "engagement ring" was matching tattoos)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Jurassic Park. Just Kidding but it has been a very, very long time.
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Sheild. I also like CSI, Medium and Scrubs
5. What did you have for breakfast? Fruit Loops
6. What is your middle name? Danger. Ha. Ha. Lynn
7. Favorite cuisine? Italian or Chinese
8. What foods do you dislike? Hot food, seafood (my dad and my motto is "Nothing from the sea."
9. What is your favorite crisp flavor? Huh?
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Rammstein
11. What kind of car do you drive? Big Dodge or Little Dodge depending on who is leaving first for work in the morning.
12. Favorite sandwich? Spicy Italian from Subway
13. What characteristic do you despise? Two-faced(tedness)
14. Favorite item of clothing? Levis
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Hawaii
16. What color is your bathroom? Well, where it is peeling, white and orange underneath
17. Favorite brand of clothing? NY and Company
18. Where would you retire to? Somewhere hot like New Mexico
19.Favorite time of the day? Evening
20. What was your most memorable birthday? 19th but not in a good way
21. Where were you born? San Luis Obispo
22. Favorite sport to watch? Any sport live, but especially basketball and soccer.
23. What fabric detergent do you use? Liquid. Oh, I mean Tide or Cheer
24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
25. What is your shoe size? 8
26. Do you have any pets? 4 beautiful dogs, but if you read my BLOG you already know aaaallll about them!
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? I am 4 months pregnant today!!! Huge mile stone.
28. What did you want to be when you were little? Ballerina or a mom. Ask my mom, my kindergarten teacher says I was the only student who said mom. She also said my mom must be doing something right---props to Mom!!!!!
29. What are you doing today? Reading and trying not to puke.
30. Favorite author(s). Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Jeffrey Deaver, James Patterson, Erica Spindler.

I got that survey in an email (thanks Auntie Lu) and I thought it would make a good post. Who am I kidding, it was an easy post for someone as lazy as me. Today I am going to attempt something huge. I am going to attempt to go to the grocery store, alone, for the first time in months. I kid you not, it will wipe me out for hours. My main goal is: dontpukedontpukedontpukedontpuke.
So, we find out if Perry is a boy or girl pretty soon. Let me tell you the 5 reasons I know Perry will be a girl. 1) We have only agreed on a boy's name. 2) I have the cutest scheme picked out for the room--if it is a boy, no idea if it is a girl. 3) I have a lot of boy's clothes I have bought over the years---not even a third as many girls clothes, (out of 3 boxes of baby clothes I have collected over the years.) 4) Everyone thinks this will be a boy. 5) Only a daughter could cause her mother this much strife. Who wants to take bets? Anyone? Bottom line, of course we all want healthy and safe above all.
So Chris was off work on vacation for a month, lucky him spent half the time emptying my barf bucket. He went back to work today at his brand new office, where he was transferred. It is funny because as soon as he checks in, he is putting in paperwork to transfer out. We are going to try and get Donner Pass in Lake Tahoe. He is #1 on the waiting list with 4 officers leaving, so far, so we've got a good chance. Most people don't want it because it is a weigh station but Chris was a heavy equipment mechanic so he would really excel. Also cost of living is low, pay is the same. We could finally afford to buy a home and God willing I could be a stay at home Mom. This wouldn't actually occur until October though. Speaking of Chris, he got a pin that he has to wear on his uniform. It is to commend the fact that he got more felony arrests than any other CHP officer in the whole division!!!! That is like 5 or more offices with hundreds of officers! I am so proud. On a crappy note, he has to have surgery on a tendon in his wrist and will be off for 4-6 weeks. OK enough bragging-by-association.
OK well, that is all for now, wish me luck on my grocery trip! Oh, and Happy April Fool's day!

Sorry About the "Cliff-Hanger"

Didn't mean to get y'all riled up with/for me and then leave you hanging for a week! I got real sick again. Today is the first day I feel remarkably better. To "V" you are awesome thank you! So, I called my union rep and she was great. After I explained everything, the first thing she said after along pause was, "....Shit." She told me my main boss---we'll call him "Mr. Limp handshake-no-eye-contact-pot-bellied-love-to-hear-himself-talk-a#%&hole ." Hmm... too long? How bout just "Limpy" got to protect the guilty now, don't we? Or I could call him what my union rep did--"A d&#k with legs!" But no, this is a PG rated blog. I digress, she told me that Limpy broke the law in this manner all the time, and that she had gone up against him before and she would love to tear him down again. I felt much better with her on my side. So I called back my boss and told him I wanted my Union Rep present and he went into a very long speech about how I had hurt his feelings, and how this was just an informal meeting, how we were family (what like Manson?) and how a union rep was inappropriate, blah blah blah. He back peddled on the whole note having to say no nausea/vomiting, just like my U.R. said he would. I have a feeling the meeting that took place after my doc appt. was very different than the one he had originally planned. I didn't take my U.R. with me after all, seems just the threat, did the trick. He told me he'd stand behind me no matter what the doc said, that I still had a job, etc. Nothing he couldn't have said over the phone. I can't go back to work at all until I have a "full release of duty." Which for my job still means the same thing as no puking, but it is legal. My doc doesn't seem to think I will necessarily ever be clear by their standards-full 12 hours any time of day/night. He officially diagnosed me with "Hyper-emmisis, moderately controlled with bed rest and medication." To be re-evaluated every two weeks. My next appt. is April 4th, trust me, full release, ain't happenin yet! So that's all I have to say about that!!!!! Whew!!!

K, lets see, update: Skin: still all broken out. Nausea: still in full effect most of the time. Cravings: Frosted Flakes and Butter Horn Dannishes. Tummy: not really showing too much yet, though I couldn't fit into my smaller end of the spectrum jeans (I am a yo-yo-er, I have a wide range of jean sizes). Perry's heartbeat as of last week: 152 BPM. Chris: still awesome; sometimes he shouts against my belly so he can talk with his "homie." Dreams: nothing weird. So far 2 dreams it's a girl and one that it's a boy. Purchases for Perry: Still nothing yet. Presents: totally flowing in. Family: really excited. Except my Grandpa, my dad tried to show him a picture of Perry and he wouldn't look at it. My dad handed him th U/S pick and he just handed it back. He said, "Poor, little babies, just don't have any privacy anymore." But when my dad went to leave he asked to keep it, to show my Uncle. He is excited too, I think he misunderstood and thought my dad was going to point out a willie or something!?! Well, I think that is everything. I will write more when something happens. Bye!

You Are Not Going to Believe This!

OK, first of all let me apologize for my absence. I still spend most of my time in bed. I feel MUCH better during the day, I rarely actually throw up between the hours of 8am-8pm any more, but that may be because I am usually in bed. I have just started attempting short journeys out, such as grocery store or book store, I make it, but it exhausts me. None of this post is a complaint, I feel very lucky, it's more of a thorough, update if you will. So I tried to go back to work this week, part time. The doctor's note said 6 hour days (half time) were fine, and IF they went OK I could return full-time. Well the first night- 6:30-midnight:30 was fine. I didn't throw up until I was in the car on the way home. The next night, I was working 1am-7am and I threw up the entire time. I couldn't eat anything and I am pretty sure, by the time I left, I was running a small temperature. It took me 10 hours of sleep before I could eat. I was very upset, but Chris and I decided I should not attempt the final day- 1am-7am. Obviously my body was not ready or willing to work those early morning hours. Well, when my boss found out, she called my at home that night (Sunday), furious. "But you said you were willing to work, even if you threw up!" she complained. "That is true," I replied, "but this was not just once or twice, which would have been workable. I pretty much threw up every single hour, and couldn't hold anything down." I wasn't comfortable saying I also had the runs and was becoming dehydrated. Then she said, "but I needed you to work Wed-Sat 7pm-7am!" I told, her I could guarantee, that wasn't going to happen but that I could work at least some of the first halves of those shifts, no problem. Sooooooooooo, here comes the part you are not going to believe:

This from the Commander of the Police Department and my boss:

I am not allowed to return to work AT ALL, until I can get a doctor's note that says, drumroll please...

"Becky, will no longer throw up. She is 100% nausea free."

Say what??????? Are these people insane???? Any pregnant woman MAY throw up ant ANY time?????? When I mentioned this, my boss said, well that is the note we need before you can come back. I told her, my doctor would NEVER give me a note like that--MAYBE he would say we could take it week by week. "Well, get a note that says that, then." Though she was obviously not pleased. Then my boss told me about my co-worker Jenna, who had hyper-emmis, was able to control her severe vomiting with steroids, seeming to suggest, maybe I could do that! Also that Jenna says she was able to not let it interfere with her job because she was able to wait until she was able to go to the restroom to vomit. Um, yeah, I love Jenna, but she works 9-5 Monday-Friday in the front office with 2-4 other people, with weekends off! I could do that! I work alone, weird/long hours, depending 100% on other people to give my bathroom breaks. I know I have written before about how horrible, my officers are about potty breaks. So, I have my mandatory doctor's appointment today at 1:50 pm, when I called and told the receptionist what my job wanted, we had a good laugh. I asked her if she had EVER heard of such a thing and she said, no. After my appointment, the Commander wants to meet with me. I can only imagine what that will be about, but if he asks me to resign, I will refuse. As a matter of fact, I have a call in to my Union Rep. because I think this is an ADA violation. Sigh. I am so mad. I am going to eat Fruit Loops and throw up a rainbow on the Commander's desk. Just kidding. I'll write the outcome later. Has anyone out there ever heard of such a thing? Does anyone out there agree that this may be a violation of rights? I'd love some feed back. Til later......

I Threw Up Into My Nose--It Burned!!!!

Lovely mental image, eh? So I am officially bedridden for two weeks. Not this past Saturday but the one before I went to the ER, bleeding. I was so scared. Before having Chris drive me there, I called him at work, and said, "I am having a miscarriage!" Like a total dumbass. Poor guy. I mean I really thought I was but, couldn't I have collected my thoughts first? Apparently not. So Chris, me and my trusty barf bucket, took off for the hospital. I had to drink a lot of water for my first outer ultra sound. Boy did I have to pee! First came the wand/space probe and after a tense moment, where while Chris was watching the monitor, he says, "Umm...." and I say, "Well, I assure you, you won't find a baby back there...." things then proceeded normally. There was Perry in all his glory! So beautiful, I had no idea at just 10w1d he would be so active! Punching, extending his arms, covering his eyes, rolling over so we could see his perfect spine, fingers, shoulder, elbow, even nose! When Chris and I saw how broad his shoulders were we both had the same thought, uh oh, that's going to hurt later... You see, Chris has extremely broad shoulders, and they have always made the uniform aspect of his life difficult. Whether it be the Marine Corps uniforms or CHP, no tailor can seem to comprehend that a person can have massive shoulders and a trim waist. Chris always gripes, "My shirts look like they are made by Omar the tent maker!" He has ALWAYS had to create pleats and fold them cleverly into his pants. Chris says,"God forbid it's windy the pleats come out and I look like I'm going to take off in flight at any moment! There I am trying to look authorative and give someone a ticket and there is my stupid shirt billowing out behind me!" So anyway, we both know that there will come a day in about 6 1/2 months where those shoulders are going to hurt like a mo fo, (sorry Mom.) It was an amazing experience, to see Perry, too bad the circumstances sucked. I saw my doc 2 days later, still bleeding a little and he said the U/S results looked good and he is still not worried, but restricted my activity even further. That day we got to hear the heartbeat, totally amazing, and I have to see him again March 8th. So today at 11w3d I still bleed every now and then though, not much. Chris and I call Perry our little boxer since he was really punching and weaving. We say, our baby floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee--with a massive case of ADD!! Well that's all. No really, unless you want me to describe my ceiling in the bedroom, you really are all caught up. Talk to you guys as soon as I can. M-wah!

If You are Totally Lame and You Know it Clap Your Hands! Clap! Clap!

I suck, I know it, but I just can't heave my body out of bed for much less than a natural disaster. Or CSI. I suck. And the computer is in the living room and that is sooooooooo far away. I still throw up so much! I am at 10 weeks today so (pleaseGodpleaseGodpleaseGodplease) maybe I will start feeling better in a couple of weeks or so. My job is actually being really awesome. I am officially on Medical LOA until about March 17th or so. They didn't even make me grovel or feel the need to vomit on their desks, it was nice. Speaking of throwing up, each dog has to come by the toilet, one by one, and stick their head in to inspect the damage. They are fascinated. As soon as I start retching Bailey beats me to the bathroom to watch the show. I am really bored. I read an entire novel today. The high point in my life lately is if I actually can produce a B.M. that day. Once upon a time I was proud of my job when I produced quality results on the computer for my officers. Now I beam with pride is I produce something the size of a walnut...every few days. Lucky for Chris, so far, I have stopped just short, of calling him into the restroom to witness my latest masterpeice. SO sad. Jen P you warned me! Forgive me as I sulk back to bed. Miss you all, don't give up on me, when this is over I will be back online with a vengeance.

I'll be in the Backyard Eating Grass, if Anyone Needs Me

Well, it works for the dogs when they have upset tummies, so I figure, what the heck, I'll give it a shot.
Hi. I don't feel good. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my job about taking a temporary medical leave until the end of my first trimester, (about March 15th.) I am still on probation so I am a little worried about the outcome. I intend to bring my barf bucket and hurl and the most opportune and pathetic times. Today I am 8 weeks 3 days or 9 weeks depending on which date you use. LMP or U/S. Saw the doc today, actually the Nurse Practitioner. She was nice and signed all my paperwork for leave. I have nothing exciting to say. Now that I found a winning combination of Unisom/sleep/Zofran, I feel better. Not able to work better, but able to lay on the couch in the living room and watch TV with out throwing up every single hour, type better. The Zofran is 4mg every 6 hours. It is $1300 for one month (only 20 bucks for me--whew!) It is a medicine used for patients that suffer really bad nausea due to chemotherapy treatment. Well, I am going to go lie down...Again. I wonder if I need to watch out for bed sores...Hmm...How sad. Love you all, thanks for the comment Mom, I miss you.

Go, Perry, Go!

I am sorry this is a day late, I hope I didn't worry anyone. I am just having a really rough time with my morning/noon/night sickness. So, Perry looks fantastic. According to his size, (I picked "he" so I can be consistent, but I would be thrilled boy or girl) he is only 6 weeks and 4 days today. Not too far off; just 4 days. My new projected due date is September 16th. That means we found out REALLY early! His little heart was beating so fast and strong, go Perry go!!!!! Chris and I didn't want the U/S to be over so fast. Yes, we got our pictures, but we wanted to watch that heart beat longer! I wish I could post the picture but if you go here, he looked almost identical to this, but he was attached to the top of the circle in our picture. Too soon to tell even, which side was the head. So, here goes the story, of why we call him Perry, but be forewarned it just won't be funny... So before Chris admitted to wanting to have kids, he used to say, since they feed off the mom like a host, a baby in the womb was sort of like a parasite, from a scientific point of view. Flash forward to when we started trying. I said we could call the baby Pari/Perry in reference to Chris' former theory. Well, Chris had forgotten all about that conversation AND he had quite a nice buzz going and he says in this dopey voice, "Perry the parimecium!!!" and I was like, "Nooooo, remember?....." Then we got a case of the giggles. So there you have it. Not that exciting. So my doc wants me to stay on my Zoloft. He wants me mentally fit, for the baby. I am relieved. He is also having me try extra vitamin B6 and 1/3 tablet of unisom before bed for the nausea. [Disclaimer: Do not try that w/out talking with your doctor. Had to say it.] He, however is thrilled, that I have been puking. He says, "Fantastic! That means he's healthy, I love to hear it. More puking!" So as I bow in deep reverence to the ceramic bowl, I try to keep that in mind! Love you all, talk to you soon!

I Should Have plead the Fifth

I lost the internet at my house again. Well that isn't totally accurate. I know where it went. We had to take our primary internet source in for service (the laptop), and we tried to hook up to it with our old computer. That didn't work so well. It kept freezing. Oh well. I really don't have anything exciting to say. My bean has a heartbeat, beginnings of arms, legs, eyes and lungs. It now has progressed from eel to tadpole. I was showing Chris a picture on the internet of a 7 week old baby so he could see what we may be seeing on Monday and it said, "yolk sac." Chris said, "What do they think we are we having, a chicken?" He doesn't like some of the terms like gestation. He says, "Beck, it isn't an alien, I hate it when people say gestation, and please don't say embryo or fetus, call it a baby." Which is really funny because he calls the baby "Pari" (pronounced Perry), which of course has a story attached to it. It is one of those, you had to be there stories that I have no doubt I will eventually torture you with--but I just know it won't seem as funny when I tell it. Chris is still being awesome about filling up the gas and making dinner, and letting me lay around groaning while he looks on sympathetically. Oh, I have morning sickness now. What a lie. It starts about 10am and lasts until about 2pm. Then every time I get hungry it comes back. And stays. I haven't thrown up yet, it is more of a constant annoying kind of nausea. I have dry heaved, which is a lot of fun, so I have no doubt it's coming. Ginger snaps and saltines sometimes work. All the books say it is a sign of a good, viable pregnancy so, even though I hate it, I am secretly thrilled. Sort of. I am still so thankful I have gotten this far, but I am so scared that Monday the black spot where the baby should be will be empty. I can't remember what it is called, but it is where there is the yolk sac and your body still thinks it is pregnant but the baby wasn't viable and left a while ago. Almost as much as I would miss the baby, I would miss Chris' innocence. Never again would he wake me up with, "Today we have hands!" (Yesterday.) I know he would be totally quiet about it when we got pregnant the next time. Again, I still thank God every time I go to the restroom and there is no blood, and every single day I am so very grateful. I will just feel soooooo much better after Monday. Also, I am going to ask my doc if he thinks I should stop taking my Zoloft. I have already cut down to 50mg every 2-3 days, but Chris really wants me to stop. I am so scared to stop, I am afraid I will crash. I realize my fear may be unfounded, but it is very real. I took myself off of it one time and crashed so hard. I wouldn't be scared at all but it takes 5 days to clear out of the system and about 30 to get back it. So, if I stop and I do crash, those four weeks will feel like an eternity. Stress is really dangerous for an unborn baby too. Also, I can't imagine having the job I do now and being able to function in it if that happened. No matter what, I will do whatever the doc recommends on Monday. Anyone have any thoughts on the matter? Over and over again I hear of people whose sister/friend/cousin stayed on it and everything was fine but...

Moving right along, I "snuck" a hamburger from Carl's Jr today. I haven't eaten any fast food in weeks, but I was dying for a burger. The other day I told Chris, "The baby wants a hamburger from Carls Jr." and he said, "MY kid wants healthy food. If you want a hamburger, I will grill one for you." Very sweet of him, but he never got a chance. This was the best hamburger I ever had. I am ravenous, lately. I literally scared a waiter at the Olive Garden. I politely requested breadsticks. Breadsticks, breadsticks, yummy, yummy breadsticks, gotta have them to dunk in my all you can eat soup-salad and breadsticks. Well they took forever, and then the waiter finally brought them, he had them on a tray, and Chris says I was staring at the basket like I was going to knock the waiter over and take everyone's share. (I thought about it.) He says the waiter saw the crazed look in my eyes and it scared him. I don't know if that is true, but for the rest of the meal he stood about 4 feet from the table when asking if we needed anything, while glancing nervously at me. Chris has started calling me, Hoover.

I got subpoenaed for a case I dispatched in AUGUST!!! I ended up being the key witness at a probable cause hearing. I was so nervous! AND I kept leaving my pants zipper down all morning! Luckily I caught it right before I took the stand. The defense attorney was a barracuda! She was just like those slimy ones on TV. I remembered a key point, clear as day, that I had previously said I was not comfortable having on record my recollection. Boy did she latch onto that like a blood-sucking leech. So afterwards, I am in the hallway chatting with the officers about this one lady who used to work with us, and I say, "Boy, talk about an angry, bitter woman." And I turn around and come face to face with the defense attorney. Gulp. She stares at me, I stare back. Did I just let the awkward moment pass? No, I said to her, "I don't mean you." She just looked at me like I was a complete ding dong. No surprise there. Good news is, the good guys (us) won. Yay! While I was writing this, I just called an officer in for "code 2 ½" cover which is just short of lights and sirens, so I could go hurl. That was fun. I don't remember eating broccoli, though. Hmmm.... Til later, goodnight!

My Power of Smell has Increased---Not My Powers of Observation

I am so lost in the sauce. I keep forgeting what I am talking mid-sentence. When Chris read, the hormones will make me forgetful, he said, "Beck, you can't get forgetful! Everyone knows when I come home I hang up my brain with my badge. If you don't remember to pay the bills who will?" Good point. Yesterday I washed my face with my glasses still on. However, my sense of smell is amazing. I FOUND a pepperoni pizza at work the other day that was downstairs, around the corner and behind two closed doors. Quite impressive if I do say so myself. Several of the zits on my chin have joined together and formed superpowers, sigh. On a lighter note...Today is six weeks! Yay! One week 'til my ultrasound! Yay! Still no morning sickness! Yay! Except when I get hungry. It actually scares me a little because all the books say morning sickness means less of a chance at miscarriage. I will feel better when I see the little bean with my own eyes. Remember I said, Chris and I were the first of our friends to get married and the last to have kids? I just found out how this finally works in our favor. I am getting others baby stuff! My wonderful friend Sabrina is letting me have clothes and a swing, and my other friend Alicia is giving me books and if I need it a crib. Score! Pretty cool, huh?

So today I went for a long overdue eyebrow waxing with my favorite lady. So I am sitting in the chair and she says, "I have to do this." And swoop, smack rip, before you know it I am mustache free. It looks great but she didn't even ask! I was a bit startled. Chris was there, showing his support through laughter...I love that lady though. After we paid she ran to the back and brought out a teddy bear. "Baby first present!" She is such a sweetie, even if she did de-hair me with out my consent. I can't think of anything else to say.... I had a lot to tell you and I forgot it all. Maybe I will remember tomorrow. Til then, bye!

My Child is Already Behind the Learning Curve--Fooey!

I saw an ad in a magazine for Pre-natal education. I will say it again. Pre-natal education. All together now, Pre-natal education. I feel as if I have gone insane. Prenatal natal education. For the baby. While it is still inside. Totally crazy. Anyway, at 5w4d I am still lucky to have no morning sickness, but I do have the runs. A lot. I can also smell things from up to, but not limited to, 5 miles away. Which is both cool and really annoying, depending on if it is like, a chocolate cake or a skunk. Also, my face is broken out soooooo bad. It has never ever been this bad. I know it is the extra hormones, and I’ll take this over morning sickness, though I preferred the flatulence. It’s all on my chin and jaw and they are the yucky big ones that really hurt. Chris was especially helpful dispensing care and advice, about this a few days ago.

Me: Chriiiiiiiiis, (wailing pathetically) look at my chin, it hurts.
(Chris leans in REAL close.)
Chris: Oh my gosh, that looks so bad. Oh wow, there are so many!
(Leans in farther)
Me: Yeah there’s like ten.
Chris: No, there is way, way more than that. Oh, wow. Is that normal?
Should we call the doctor?
Me: No, it’s just the hormones.
Chris: It’s like, really, really red too.
Me: Yes I know. (Regretting calling it to his attention.)
Chris: Let me go get the flashlight and my glasses….
Me: I am not one of the dogs! Forget it. Really, it’s not that bad.
Chris: Well it is bad.
Me: Fine, it’s horrific, I am a nasty, nasty monster (throwing the covers over my head)
just leave me alone to wallow in my ugliness.
Chris: Aren’t you late for work?
Me: Argh!

He made up for it later though. He saw me applying cover-up.

Chris: No, Beck, don’t you’ll make it worse!
Me: No, this stuff is hypo-allergenic and besides, I’d rather cause more than go to work like this, it’s too humiliating.
Chris: Well. I don’t think you should wear it. Besides if anyone says anything, tell them you’re pregnant. And if they don’t think you are as beautiful as I do, I’ll beat them up.

Forgiven. He is also forgiven because today, he woke me up for work by saying, “Wake up! Guess what we got today……Arms!” and yesterday it was, “Time to wake up! Guess what we got today….eyes!” I have stopped trying to tell him, that it is just the beginnings of, each of those because he says, I am just being a downer and also he is just so gosh darn adorable about it. He checks my lunches to make sure they are “pregnancy rated.” And cooks dinner specifically designed to what he feels, “the kid needs today.” He is so much fun. Speaking of fun, I am asking my officers today if they can give me some of their yellow “Police Line: Do Not Cross” tape. I am going to take it home and wrap it around my sore chest, I can’t wait to see what Chris says.
And now I will close with a very funny dog/Chris story. Well funny to me anyway, Chris and Xena may beg to differ. So remember I told you Xena has that “hot spot” she won’t stop licking? Well we felt bad that she still had to wear the cone so Chris bought some hot spot spray and then some spray for both her and Bailey, called “Fooey” that is supposed to be the most “bitter tasting all natural product in the world.” So Chris sprayed it on Bailey’s “hot spot” and rubbed it into her paw. Bailey licks it and then sneezes. She then proceeds to hold her foot as far away from her nose as possible while she continues to whine dramatically. Cool, Chris thinks, this really works! Now maybe Xena can stop wearing the cone of silence. So he took her cone off and put some “Fooey” on Xena. Xena goes; lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! (pause) lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! Back on goes the cone. Chris then, wiped a hand over his face/mouth in frustration. And then he licked his lips….. and Chris goes; Lick….Hack! Hack! Hack! Sneeze! Hack! “Oh my gosh that IS the most awful tasting stuff in the world!” And quickly goes into the bathroom and pours mouthwash onto his toothbrush, then toothpaste and brushed for a very, very long time. Oh, and while this was going on, Riley must have got some in her system too, and she threw up. “Beck, “ said Chris, “ It looked like the “&” symbol on the type/keyboard. Almost as if she was trying to say, ‘aaand’ “ Maybe you had to be there, but the whole re-telling/reenactment by Chris had be laughing hysterically. Ok, well that is all for now. Talk to you guys later!

Boobies!!!! (Look But Don't Touch)

Poor, poor Chris. He has a brand new toy but he can't play with it. I am not a bossom-y woman, but, right now, my cups runneth over. But for the love of God, they hurt. Hurts to be hugged, lay on my tummy, breathe. I feel like, hey, look at this shiny new toy, no don’t touch it is for looks only. Chris says, “Hey where’d you get those?” and tells me, “I have a legal document that says I can see them whenever I want.” Ah, such sweet ignorance.

**********THAT Is NOT a Cone of Silence*************

So my dogs were tracking mud into my house and it was driving me insane! I would stop each dog by the back door, have them walk around on a sheet, then wipe each paw off and then mop up any excess mud off the floor. Times four!!!!! So Chris put down tarps in the backyard. While he was doing that, Xena my extremely smart alpha dog, is watching what he is doing. Suddenly she walks up to where Chris was working, turns around, poops and pees then turns around and tried to kick it at him! Chris said, “I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed actually.” Apparently she doesn’t approve of our idea. Speaking of Xena, yesterday we saw her licking obsessively at her leg, (German Shepard’s are notoriously OCD.) So Chris turns her over and begins inspecting her leg while I hold the flashlight. “Beck,” he says, “I need the cone of silence.” So I stop yapping and get real quiet. After a moment he turns around and says, “Beck, go get the cone for around her neck. Remember that’s what we call it?” Oh, yeah! Boy did I feel dumb! I wondered why he was suddenly quoting Maxwell Smart! So poor Xena has to where the upside-down lampshade until the vet appointment tomorrow and man is she pissed. See she is so smart that when we make jokes, like “How’s that disc picking up reception?” or (whispered) “Don’t talk too loud, everything is super-amplified for her.” Or “The Xena dog can hear small woodland creatures up to 3 miles away, but only in the direction she is facing.” Xena gets mad and leaves the room or turns her back on us. So, today she got her revenge. While I was trying to take a nap, Xena and her cone, got stuck in the bushes under my window and she made quite the racket de-tangling herself. Then she started barking and wouldn’t you know that thing acts as a natural bull horn? And finally as if I wasn’t awake enough, Riley goes and stands in front of Xena wagging her tail, which then bangs on the cone like a drum. So I am very tired right now.

Yesterday I told Chris, “I am really proud of myself because I am eating really healthy.” I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t stop laughing. Probably had something to do with the fact that, at that moment I happened to be carrying an extra large pepperoni pizza. “Oh, well besides this I mean.” I am losing my mind! I have put things in the trash that belong in the fridge and vice versa. I tripped over the bean bag and “rode” it across the room like a surf board. I not only knocked over the dog’s food bowl, somehow I manage to knock half of the food about 15 feet, the other half flew into the air and landed in the water bowl. I walked into the living room carrying the dog food filled water bowl, Chris looks up and goes right back to reading the newspaper. “I am not even going to ask.” he said. Knowing me, he ain’t seen nothing yet!

Flatulence: Fun For Everyone!

I can't remember if I ever told you, but when we first got married, Chris made up the rule that we would have no belching and no farting in front of each other because it "kills the romance." Well, I told him whenever I became pregnant all bets were off--guess he thought I was joking...
I still don't feel pregnant. All those months of waiting for a sign! The things I can tell are different, easily could be chalked up to PMS a UTI or bad tofu. The only new thing is that I like to sleep in a tight ball on my side, and I can't any more. I can't really explain it, it doesn't hurt exactly, it is just uncomfortable. And OMG I gots the toots. So there we were in OSH looking for a tarp and I let one slip, real quiet. Chris goes, "These tarps smell like ass." And I say, "Oh, that would be me, sorry." Was he willing to let it go? No. I told him this is one of the early signs of pregnancy, I can prove it, (Sabrina, back me up, please!) I got out the book and everything! He told me I should have gone to a different aisle! So now hours later he keeps making fart noises and calling me Stinky. Fine, from now on I'm blaming it on the dogs.

My doctor abandoned me. I called up to get my first appointment and can you believe the nerve--he's on vacation!!! Shouldn't he be waiting for my call? No? OK. But you know what sucked? The nurse said we will see you at six weeks and then almost hung up. I was like, "Wait, what do I do? Should I keep doing the progesterone? Take vitamins?" She looked at my chart and said yes to both. What if I had stopped the progesterone??? I am really kind of ticked at them. Oh well. I sent an email to my doc that said "Congratualtions you're going to be a doctor."

I read pregnant women lose their minds and do strange things. I am starting to. I will end with the things I have done this week:

*Got out of the shower with soap still covering my right arm.

*Knocked over a display at the video store.

*Lost my keys, found them and then promptly lost them again.

*Misplaced my DVDs from blockbuster, only to have Chris find them in plain sight.

*Farted in OSH and blamed it on the sales guy walking by.

That is all for now, I have to go take a nap. Talk to ya later, bye!