YOU'RE A GIRL WHO GREW UP IN THE 70'S AND 80'S IF....

You wore a rainbow shirt that was half-sleeves, and the rainbow went up one sleeve, across your chest, and down the other. [My mom and I had matching ones.]

You made baby chocolate cakes in your Easy Bake Oven and washed them down with snow cones from your Snoopy Snow Cone Machine.

You had that Fisher Price Doctor's Kit with a Stethoscope that actually worked.

You owned a bicycle with a banana seat and a plastic basket with flowers on it. [Mine had a bell too.]

You learned to skate with actual skates, (not roller blades) that had metal wheels. (They also had 4 wheels)

You thought Kirk Cameron and Michael J. Fox were cute (Admit it!)

You had nightmares after watching Ripley's Believe It or Not

You had rubber boots for rainy days and Moon boots for snowy days.

You had either a "bowl cut" or "pixie," not to mention the "Dorothy Hamill" because your Mom was sick of braiding your hair. [And then really tall bangs in high school--how cool you were directionaly proportionate to how high they were]

Your Holly Hobbie sleeping bag was your most prized possession, [I had a metal Holly Hobbie lunch pail, my brother-- Kiss]

You wore a poncho, gauchos, and knickers. [And don't forget those long dresses that hit the floor your mom made you wear for pictures and special occasions.]

You played Heads Up, 7-Up indoors at recess on rainy days.

You begged Santa for the electronic game, Simon.

You spent hours in your backyard on your metal swing set with the trapeze. The swing set tipped over at least once.

You had homemade ribbon barrettes in every imaginable color, (with the long strands hanging down with beads on the end!!) COOL!

You had a pair of Birkenstock sandals (the ones with a wood sole & buckle). [If you were really cool, you had LA Gears!]

You wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder really bad; you wore that Little House on the Prairie-inspired plaid, ruffle shirt with the high neck in at least one school picture; and you despised Nellie Olson! [For me, my first and second grade pictures.]

You wanted your first kiss to be at a roller rink. [I had many a birthday party at the rollar rink!]

Your hairstyle was described as having "wings" or "feathers"

You know who Strawberry Shortcake is, as well as her friends, Blueberry muffin and Huckleberry Pie. [Don't forget Apple Dumpling!]

When no one was looking, you put Ken and Barbie in bed....Together!!!!!!!

You carried a Wonder Woman lunch box to school and it was metal, not plastic. [I used to put my hair in a ponytail, remove said ponytail while spinning around in circles and yell, "Wonder Womaaaaaan!]

Every now and then "It's a Hard Knock Life" from the movie, "Annie" will pop into your brain and you can't stop singing it the whole day.

YOU had Star Wars action figures, too! [I was Princess Leia and my brother Luke Skywalker or Hans Solo, for like, 5 Halloweens in a row.]

You often asked your Magic-8 ball the questions

To you MASH, is a game not a TV show

You saw the Thriller video a gazillion times

You tried to do lots of arts and crafts, like yarn and Popsicle-stick God's eyes, decoupage, or those weird potholders made on a plastic loom. [Plaster of Paris anyone?]

You made Shrinky-Dinks and put iron-on kittens on your t-shirts! [For years I had special made T-shirts that said "Clean Rooms Are Boring" if I out grew it, we just had a new one made!]

You used to tape record songs off the radio by holding your portable tape player up to the speaker [I did this all the time]

You couldn't wait to get the free animal poster that came when you ordered books from the Weekly Reader book club.

You learned everything you needed to know about girl issues from Judy Blume books (Are you there God, It's me, Margaret.)

You thought Olivia Newton John's song "Physical" was about aerobics. (and of course, wearing cool leg warmers!!)

You wore friendship pins on your tennis shoes, or shoelaces with heart or rainbow designs.

You had a Big Wheel with a brake on the side, and a Sit-n-Spin.

You had subscriptions to Teen, Teen Beat and Tiger Beat.

You wore knee socks to hide hairy legs. (That might be just me...)

You spent all your allowance on scratch and smell stickers for your sticker album.

I love being a girl. I hope some day I have a little girl, who has sleepovers and stuff. My friend since, we were 8 sent me most of the above, but I added and modified quite a few of them to fit my childhood. Hope it made you remember and laugh.

My Little Blue Pill

Chris and I call Liam our little Viagra when he is wrapped up tight in his blue swaddling Miracle Blanket. I guess we could call him a 50mg Zoloft (also blue, trust me), but Viagra seems much funnier. Went Christmas shopping today. Ended up with some outfits for Liam, (but they were on sale!) and lots more home decorations. Well Liam has soiled himself, so I must go, til later!

Hmmmm.....Not Really a "Kodak" Moment

We took 67 pictures of Liam in his adorable white henly shirt, blue overalls and vans. These are the best of the bunch. Seriously. All the others he looked upset, bored, sleepy, mildy retarded (I am so sorry but it is true), OR Xena kept jumping in front of the camera. She knows that when she sits real still for the "flashy thing" she gets lots of praise. And you KNOW the second I put the camera away Liam was all smiles. Oh well. Maybe the ones I intend to take of him in his Santa suit with the dogs sitting around him in their elf costumes will be better, but I kind of doubt it. Til later!

Oh the Humanity ! ! !

How crappy is your life, if your job is "the guy who crams the turkey neck up it's own ass." What does he tell the ladies? "I am a poultry proctologist." This was my first time cooking the turkey, after eight years of marriage and I was not prepared. My poor turkey. The indignity. The bondage of the legs! The yummy tasty breast piece... Oh wait, no that was improper, that poor turkey. I would like to take a moment and say a few words for the turkey that gave his 12 pound life for my family. Here goes. "Gobble, gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobble. And further more, it goes with out saying, gobble gobble gobble. Thank you." Now let's eat!!!!!!

You Woulda Thunk Someone Woulda Warned Me....

I am going bald. Yep it is official. I am about to have a receeding hairline. Nothing wrong with that....IF I WAS A BOY!!! I found like a dime size bald patch after losing tons of hair. I have been finding it everywhere; on my pillow, in the shower, on Liam. I called my doc and she said it was completely normal, post pregnancy hair loss, and not to worry it should all grow back in about a year. A YEAR! So until then I have invested in some great hats. Speaking of pulling my hair out, my dogs got bit AGAIN!!!!! The same ones, Gabby and Riley. Chris came home from the vet today and said, "Well, the good news is these dogs are pumped so full of antibiotics, if they get bit again soon, they don't have to go back to the vet." Greeeeaaat. I have included a picture of Gabby and her blue cast, guarding Liam and one of Riley acting like she is sooooo put upon because we are forcing her to lie on a soft cushy bed...Well that's all for now.

Happy Thanksgiving! ! !

Ok, so I am two days early, but I am so thankful I just can't help it! This time last year I was recovering from surgery and living in a crappy rental in a really bad neighborhood. The only bad thing right now is I have two injured dogs from--they got bit by the neighbors dogs, but they are OK. I will right more tomorrow. Til then.

Let Us Pause to Reflect...No Nevermind, Let's Not!

Look at the circumference of that noggin, is it any wonder why he got stuck???? I love the other picture because it is one of those take a picture with the camera at an arms length you know the kind, that half of the time come out really bad or you end up with a picture of your ear and the wall behind you? I know you know what I am talking about. Not only did I actually get both of us in the picture but look how happy he is!!!! My parents are coming to visit tomorrow, I am so excited!!!!! Til later!!!

PS [THEY'VE CREATED A MONSTER]: When I first married Chris his spelling and grammar were horrific. I specifically remember correcting one of his love letters with a red pen when we were dating. Anyways now that he went to the police academy and took like 117 hours on report writing, HE is definitely the better speller. The other night, he actually lectured me on how I wrote my blog with bad punctuation and asked me if I would like him to fix it.... That's so funny to me!!! Of course he was right, though. Hope you all don't mind my creative punctuation etc. but I like to write the way I talk. When I was a college English tutor, I counseled against using such "conversational English" but here I like it. Oh, my Liam is eating his blanket, gotta go!!!

In the Beginning....

Now that I know how to add pics, I'd like to add afew from his very first days.
My face was soooo swollen! His cone shaped head went away amazingly fast.

ARE YOU CALLING MY KID FAT?

We went with Chris to the barber's. The barber looked into Liam's stroller and said, "Oh, wow he won't be mistaken for scrawny." ....

I dyed all of Chris's white work undershirts pink.... Mama C, got me a beautiful purple shirt for my birthday,..... Yeah, enough said.So Liam is still Mr. Snuffles, but he seems to have gotten used to it. Want to hear something really funny? Chris and I didn't see each other much yesterday, yet over 80 miles away from each other, we both went to Subway and both ordered the exact same thing. You may think, huh, interesting coincindence, but let me tell you why it is pretty amazing. Since the day Subway opened it's doors, I ALWAYS get the spicy Italian BMT. And I hate it toasted. Yesterday we both got steak and cheeses toasted. So cool. I blame our psychic abilities on our socks. Yup, I said socks. I was collecting the laundry and Chris threw the socks he had been wearing onto the top of the load I was carrying. I started laughing, Chris thought it was because his white socks were mismatched, "I know, I know, the smaller one really sucked because it didn't go up high enough in my boot." I still laughed, "Chris," I snorted, "that is because it is mine!" (He wears a men's 12, I a womens 8 which is the same as a men's 6.) Not that funny, I am sure Chris was thinking, after all they are both white. "Look at my feet!!!!!" I choked out. I had the matching one one of my socks on and his---floppy on my foot, missing sock! Hmmm...maybe you had to be there....I am such a klutz today! I was sitting by the window and noticed a fly buzzing behind the blinds. So I get the brilliant idea to swat the blinds into the window in an attempt kill said fly. The blinds hit the window, bounced back, smacked into and then knocked my full glass, off the ledge. Oh, don't worry, the window and the drinking glass didn't break....the bowl the glass landed on did though! And the sugary drink I had in the glass went EVERYWHERE. Including onto Liam, his chair, my chair, the floor and the walls. That was fun. As I cleaned it, the very much alive, fly landed on my spilled mess. Sigh. Oh well.
Til later!

Liam's V-R-R-ROOM

This is how I decorated Liam's room. Today's pictures also include, Liam snacking on his new favorite treat- his right hand, the funny position he fell asleep in today and a great mystery which is: how can a baby that starts at the top of his cradle every night wrapped up tight, end up at the bottom of the cradle every morning???? I just don't know. Well, Liam is doing better, today but really tired! I am totally veggie-ing out today, watching hokey, scary movies. Liam's future wife Madeline Rose was born today to my friend Katie. She is only like 3 1/2 pounds but doing really well. That is all for now. Talk later!

If I was One of the 7 Dwarfs, I'd be Grumpy

I am in a poopie mood, because Liam is in a poopie mood. I am just not used to him being so whine-y. It is hard to get anything done because either he wants to be held, or he is adamant he wants to be put down-but he wants to stare at me. Right now he has his eyes closed but he is whimpering pathetically. Do you think he got bird-flu from his Halloween costume?....


PS Can you tell, I finally, after a whole year, figured out how to add pictures?!

My Poor Little Snuffle-lupa-gus

Took Liam to the doc his morning, he was so stuffed up and miserable. Turns out he isn't teething, he has a bad cold. The "tooth" Chris and I saw was a little blister. Liam has gained 11 oz since his check up days ago!!! He weighs 13 pounds 4 oz. So much for my worry he wasn't nursing enough! As you can see from the pictures, Liam is doing all he can to fight this cold.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????!!!!!!!

CHAPTER NINE--WHAT TO EXPECT THE FIRST YEAR--THE FIFTH MONTH:

Drooling----CHECK

Chin rash---CHECK

A little cough (from excess drool)---CHECK

Finicky Feeding---CHECK

A lump forming under the gum--CHECK

Irritability.......you tell me: (Exhibit A above afore mentioned picture)


TEETHING??????? ALREADY?????? I should have known my son would be an over achiever! I guess I should be proud. Instead of breaking out the champangne I gotta break out the baby orajel, though....

Tucked in, Ready for Bed

My favorite picture!!! Now this is just a happy baby!!!!!

The Angry Duckling 

Me 30 years, Liam 10 weeks!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME--HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU!!!!!!!

I TURNED 30 TODAY, YES I AM STILL SHOUTING. SORRY. I am so excited--not about turning 30 of that I am depressed--I am excited to finally live in a neighborhood that I can answer the door to trick or treaters, without the fear of being robbed. Liam is going to be a duck. Chris is going to help me attach a picture of him in it later. Well, gotta go, Chris is buying me a door for my birthday. I'll explain that later too.

I Am Not a Bad Mom; I Just Play One On TV

So apparently Liam has something against Raley's. Either that or cheese. I fed him, changed him loaded him up in the car, where as normal, he promptly fell asleep and began our trek to the grocery store. Normally after feeding him, I have 3 hours, at worst an hour and 45. So halfway through our outing at about 40 minutes in, while we were in the produce aisle, he wakes up and goes from 0 to 60 in 10 seconds on the scream meter. He woke up starving. The kind of starving that in his mind leads him to believe he may never ever be fed again. Well, I didn't bring a bottle and I was only half way through shopping. So I am running through the store, throwing things in the cart and everywhere I go I hear people:

"Oh, that baby is so hungry!"

"You can tell, from that cry that poor baby is so hungry."

and my personal favorite:

"I am not even a Mom, but I think that baby sounds hungry."

I consider whipping out a boob on aisle four but thought better of it. I didn't get to finish and I beared angry and reproachful stares all the way out the door. I get home to cook dinner and I don't have any cheese. Every single reciepe I was considering for the night had cheese. I had quesedillas sans quesa... So I had Dillas which really sucked, but Liam ate great that night...

So yesterday, I feed Liam and made a break for Raley's again, this time AFTER Liam is sound asleep. AND I have a bottle just in case. He did so good the whole time... Almost. Until we got to the final item on my list---the cheese. He started screaming. No fuss, no gentle subtle baby wakings. Well this time I let people glare and I went up to the cheese, and threw THREE different kinds of cheese into the cart. Triumphant I said to Liam, "Ha! I got the cheese!!!" To which some old lady turned around and gave me a disapproving look. It wasn't until I got out the door I realized she must have thought I said, "Ha! I cut the cheese!!!" Sigh. Oh well the Quesedillas were really good.

I am the Baby Gym---FEAR ME ! ! !

So Liam is alert enough when he is awake that he needs some stimulation. I don't mind being that stimulation, reading and talking to him, but he gets bored with me. I think I embarass him in front of his friends. Of course, at this point his friends consist of the police cars on his mobile and his feet, so that may not be it. Maybe I am just not colorful enough.
So my friend Brina gave me her kid's floor mat/play gym, at least I thought she was my friend but now I am not so sure.... I put Liam on his back under the colorful hanging animals; a parrot, monkey, giraffe, elephant, a mirror and some other hanging toys. Can he see them? Oh yes he sees them. And he believes they are out to kill him. He seems to believe the giraffe is plotting his demise, the monkey wants to poke him in the eyes, the parrot may attack at any moment and that weird baby in the mirror won't quit staring at him. Don't even get him started on the crinkley sound that the elephant's ear makes when he moves or how if he kicks the music plays. It is all just part of a dark and sinister plot to off him. At least this is all what he believes. Thanks for the play mat Brina...really. I will be looking you up in 15 years when it is time to pay for his psychiatrist visits.

Blog Spammers Not Welcome! ! ! !

I don't care about your stupid camper shells, auto insurance, hair removal or medical miracles!!!! You stupid blog spammers can waste your time else where!!!! Where are these idiots coming from? The worst part is I can't even erase them all because I don't know where they are posting. When someone makes a comment, that comment gets sent to my email, but it doesn't say the date, so I can't always find and delete these jerks. Checked my email today and it was FULL of comments like "Wow, cool blog, I bookmarked it, now let me tell you about my camper shells." Dumb asses. OK, I am done venting. There is a reason I am so grumpy this morning. Last night at about 9:30 when I wasn't looking, someone snuck in and switched out my sweet well behaved angel baby for one that, had to be possesed or something. Liam cried almost non stop for THREE hours last night! Since he is usually so good, I was frustrated after about 20 min. He is very specific when he cries, pee or hunger is the reason for crying 80% of the time. Other times it is gas but that passes (ha ha) after no more than 15 min tops, so what happened? I asked the real Liam this morning, AKA happy smiling Liam, if he wouldn't mind filling out a comment card rating my services and placing it in the baby suggestion box, but he just smiled and farted at me. Boy that sucked. The whole time (boob, change, pat, bottle, swing, boob, change, pat, bottle, swing, boobchangepatbottleswingboobchangepatbottleswingboob... then tears lots of tears, most of them mine), I kept thinking, there is an easy solution and I am just not seeing it...I totally forgot, you put Liam in his car seat, drive around and he is out within minutes, seconds usually. I totally could have put him in the car, drove around and when he stopped, I could have even parked in the driveway, left the motor on, pulled out my pillow and a blanket and caught some ZZZs. I hope I never have to have another night like that. But I know I will, I just hope it is on a night when Chris is home! I am nervous, tomorrow is my 6 week doc appointment to check under the hood and make sure the stiches look good or have disolved and if everything looks OK. I am terrified it will hurt. I know it will hurt, I am afraid it will be really bad. Remember when I never had a catheter and I built it up in my head as being sooo bad and then I had one and it was worse? That is what I am worried about. Wish me luck. Well, I gotta go get some house work done, (as in reading the latest People mag and taking a shower), while the King sleeps. Til later!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? Literally seconds after I posted, FIVE blog spam comments appeared!!!!! Son of a motherless goat that PISSES ME OFF. I just added a feature that requires you to type in a word seen on the screen before commenting so only a real person can comment, no automated replies. I hope that works, the next option is to only allow members, but that would make me really sad, because I love when people "delurk" and comment. Hope it works.