Is It Still Considered Child Labor if He is Enjoying Himself?

The other day, my friend Alicia came over to help me clean, and she brought my little buddy Sean. Wouldn't you know, Sean loves to clean. At first I thought it would be more of a pain, you know, like I would have to go behind him and re-clean everything he touched. But no, he is a really good little helper! The funniest thing was, when I was-----Holy Cow!!!! Not to interrupt myself, but I am at work and a tour group of about 15 people just walked in here! I think they were here to visit a real live police station, but I am not sure...Meanwhile, I have magazines, beef jerky, nilla wafers, teddy grahams, bananas, triscuts, health bars, bagels, donuts and a smoothie, spread out all over the counters! Sitting down, I don't look pregnant, these people must have thought I was the world's biggest pig!! That was so embarrassing. I wonder who the heck they were? I wonder why no one warned me... Anyway back to my story, I would sweep up all the dog hair into a giant pile, (we are talking about enough hair that I could reconstruct an image of any one of my 50 pound plus poochies) and Sean would take his dump truck toy, fill the scoop with hair and dump it in the trash. It was so cute! Thank God, for Alicia, my house looked better than it had in years, er, I mean months!
It is so fantastic being back at work. Some days are really hard, mostly towards the end of the day, but yesterday...Yesterday was the first day since I was diagnosed with Hyperemisis that I didn't feel sick the whole day! Not once! That is huge! It may also be a fluke, but all day I thanked God for the reprieve, and prayed I would finally be turning the corner.
So how is Liam? He is doing great. We are at 6 months tomorrow! He kicks quite a bit. I love laying down and putting the remote on my tummy because, when he kicks, it bounces noticeably. It's kind of frustrating though, because every time I have Chris put his hand on my belly, Liam immediately stops moving. Then when Chris gives up, Liam starts his rehearsals for joining the Rockettes, again. Also my center of gravity is a little off, and I keep forgetting that. Yesterday I was leaning forward really far to hang something up and I fell face first into the closet! Chris, who was standing right there, didn't even blink, he is so used to my clutz-y-ness. He just said, "What the heck are you doing?" Like I suddenly just got a wild urge to inspect the floor of the closet close up. Floor's fine in there, by the way.
It really sucked being the only one of my friends who didn't have kids and wasn't pregnant. But I got to tell you, now that I am the pregnant one when everyone else is finished---Score! So far I have been given bouncy chairs, boxes of baby clothes, play mats, and Brina gave me 2 bags of great maternity clothes. I feel so lucky!
And on a final random note, my friend "D", she is the one who we started trying to make a kid at the exact same time, is pregnant again! Trevor is only 7 months, wow! Can I just say if at this point in my life, if she was pregnant for the second time AND Brittany Spears gets to be pregnant too.... Well if I was sitting here still barren, I really think I'd be looking for a bell tower to climb with a high powered rifle. So, um, it's really good that fiasco was averted, huh? Til later!

I'm Still Here!

Part of the reason, I haven't posted in a long time, is because every time I tried to write down the "funny" story of my U/S, it just comes out as one of those "You had to be there." stories. So, just choke out a courtesy laugh for me, k?
So, I went for my 20 week U/S at a different office and the technicians were in training. So I am laying on the table soooo nervous the kid won't cooperate, and 3 people walk in to the room which is about the size of a closet---and not a walk in one. All three are Indian with very thick accents. So they start the scan and they are completely ignoring me. They keep turning the screen away and I keep reaching out and tilting it so I can watch MY kid. So half way through the scan, they all gather around the screen blocking my view.

Tech #1:Fema!

Tech #2:Ahhhhhh!

Tech #3:Oh, yes! Beee-u-tee-ful fema!

(My heart just stops.)

Me: So it's a girl then? (straining to look at the blocked screen)

They all turn and stare at me as if noticing I was in the room for the first time.

Tech #1: Why would you think that? We haven't gotten to that part yet. We are looking at the legs right now.

Me: Oooohhhh FEMUR. (Long awkward pause with all three of them staring at me, like I am an interloping idiot.) All right then, I'll just be over here if you need me.

So the exam continued on with out me. Finally they finish up and the doctor came in.

Doc: (Thick, thick Irish brogue) Let take a look. Oh ( unintelligible) head (unintelligible) ha ha.[proceeds to bang on my stomach, up and down with the wand, in an effort to get the baby to turn.]

Me: [Laughing] Geez, don't dent the kid's head!

Doc: (Unintelligible) Ha Ha Ha dent (?) water (?) cervix (?) (something about a Cadillac ?)

And he leaves the room. Then when I don't move--

Tech #1: He said, go drink some water, so he can get a better look at your cervix.

So as I wander off to the water cooler, I ponder how on earth these people understand each other. After about 15 minutes, I am escorted back in and a very kind Asian woman who has an accent so thick, I never understood her either, takes over. She needed the baby to move so she could see my cervix, so she grabs me by the hip and shoulder (this is after I stared at her for several uncomfortable moments, not understanding what she was asking me to do), and she rolls me onto my side and starts shaking me really hard. I couldn't stop laughing, it seemed so silly. So, the kid finally got the hint and moved. Now, to add to my woes, I have a low lying placenta and will need another scan at 32 weeks to see if I have placenta previa. Sigh, after battling infertility, I don't know why I thought I had a "right" to an easy pregnancy. Oh well. That is my funny story. You had to be there, huh?

****************************

Guess what? I am writing this at work! That is another reason it took me so long to post. They let me come back on days. Since I still get sick at night and I cannot stay awake past 1am, I met with my bosses. I politely told them it was either days or I would be back around mid-December. So here I am on my 4th 12 hour day! Boy am I exhausted! After 3 months off, this is a 48 hour week. Every night I go straight to bed. I am so happy to be here, and the officers I am working with now are SOOOOOO much nicer than the night shift guys I was working. Well that is all for now. I will try to write more.

I Am Having A......Huh?

I went to get this 20 week U/S at a different office and I could not understand a word any of the doctors or nurses were saying. They all had accents. I will write a much longer entry all about it, but for now I wanted to share, for now we are having A BOY!!!!!!!! Introducing Liam David!!!! Chris' dad is William, and Liam is the Irish form of that (WilLIAM) and my dad is David so, it's really neat. Can't wait to share a funny story about the appointment, 'til later, bye!

Cross Your Fingers and Toes For Me Please

Went to the doc today: baby's heartrate is 132 bpm, I have gained 2 pounds (that is 4 total, well 14 if you count the 10 or so I lost that came back, I have the cutest lil Buddha belly, I love it), all of the results from the blood test for defects came back negative and the chance of having a baby with downs syndrome is 1 in 10,000, (that is really low). I am still not cleared to go back to work yet. But here is the big, big news, drumroll please...... I haven't thrown up in 5 days!!!!! That is huge! Unfortunately my job is being awful. I really think they are hoping I quit. I have been "practicing" staying up later and later, my goal was to make it until 2am, so far I can make it until 1am. The reason is, they told me when I came back I would get the cover shift, which is 4pm-2am. Today they said, no, when I come back I have to work 7pm-7am. I only get nauseas now when I am really tired. Hmmmm.... do you think, I, at almost 5 months pregnant, will get tired at all, working a 12 hour shift through an entire night? Gee, I wonder. They didn't even ask the day shifters if they were willing to trade with me. It wouldn't be so bad to just not go back till much later, except we really, really got reamed in taxes and we could really, really use the double income.

Pregnancy magazines are really stupid. The years before we were trying, and the ones where we were unsuccessfully trying, I never never NEVER would have read one of them. Why torture myself with something, I couldn't have? Well I've bought a few, and every one of them had articles on overcoming infertility, and I thought, wow these people have no clue. To me that seemed like having vegan recipes in a hunting magazine, hello? Know your market. Sigh. Oh well, I am sure they meant well. Actually maybe not, there was this article, that I swear should have been called, "10 Things You Didn't Know to be Afraid of After Delivering." Scared the daylights out of me. I am rambling, I realize that, sorry. Continuing on, I am not taking Lamaze classes. Chris and I would just not fit in. We'd probably get kicked out anyway, we have kind of a warped sense of humor. Chris and I were in the crowded OB waiting room, and Chris turns to me and says, quite loud, "Have you figured out who the father of this kid is yet?" While other mom's to be looked on mouths agape. I told him, I found him a lot funnier before my hormones set in. Well, I have rambled on long enough. If I don't write sooner, I will write again Thursday the 28th for sure, when we find out if Perry is a girl or a boy, I can't wait! And a final shout out to my friend since 6th grade, "K". She is at the very beginning stages of pregnancy and the baby is having difficulty "sticking." Please send all prayers and sticky thoughts her way as MANY of us know how scary this time can be. Til later!!!

List O' Random Stuff

1. What time did you get up this morning? 10am, then I promptly rolled over and went back to sleep.
2. Diamonds or pearls? Tattoos. (My "engagement ring" was matching tattoos)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Jurassic Park. Just Kidding but it has been a very, very long time.
4. What is your favorite TV show? The Sheild. I also like CSI, Medium and Scrubs
5. What did you have for breakfast? Fruit Loops
6. What is your middle name? Danger. Ha. Ha. Lynn
7. Favorite cuisine? Italian or Chinese
8. What foods do you dislike? Hot food, seafood (my dad and my motto is "Nothing from the sea."
9. What is your favorite crisp flavor? Huh?
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Rammstein
11. What kind of car do you drive? Big Dodge or Little Dodge depending on who is leaving first for work in the morning.
12. Favorite sandwich? Spicy Italian from Subway
13. What characteristic do you despise? Two-faced(tedness)
14. Favorite item of clothing? Levis
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go? Hawaii
16. What color is your bathroom? Well, where it is peeling, white and orange underneath
17. Favorite brand of clothing? NY and Company
18. Where would you retire to? Somewhere hot like New Mexico
19.Favorite time of the day? Evening
20. What was your most memorable birthday? 19th but not in a good way
21. Where were you born? San Luis Obispo
22. Favorite sport to watch? Any sport live, but especially basketball and soccer.
23. What fabric detergent do you use? Liquid. Oh, I mean Tide or Cheer
24. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
25. What is your shoe size? 8
26. Do you have any pets? 4 beautiful dogs, but if you read my BLOG you already know aaaallll about them!
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? I am 4 months pregnant today!!! Huge mile stone.
28. What did you want to be when you were little? Ballerina or a mom. Ask my mom, my kindergarten teacher says I was the only student who said mom. She also said my mom must be doing something right---props to Mom!!!!!
29. What are you doing today? Reading and trying not to puke.
30. Favorite author(s). Dean Koontz, Stephen King, Jeffrey Deaver, James Patterson, Erica Spindler.

I got that survey in an email (thanks Auntie Lu) and I thought it would make a good post. Who am I kidding, it was an easy post for someone as lazy as me. Today I am going to attempt something huge. I am going to attempt to go to the grocery store, alone, for the first time in months. I kid you not, it will wipe me out for hours. My main goal is: dontpukedontpukedontpukedontpuke.
So, we find out if Perry is a boy or girl pretty soon. Let me tell you the 5 reasons I know Perry will be a girl. 1) We have only agreed on a boy's name. 2) I have the cutest scheme picked out for the room--if it is a boy, no idea if it is a girl. 3) I have a lot of boy's clothes I have bought over the years---not even a third as many girls clothes, (out of 3 boxes of baby clothes I have collected over the years.) 4) Everyone thinks this will be a boy. 5) Only a daughter could cause her mother this much strife. Who wants to take bets? Anyone? Bottom line, of course we all want healthy and safe above all.
So Chris was off work on vacation for a month, lucky him spent half the time emptying my barf bucket. He went back to work today at his brand new office, where he was transferred. It is funny because as soon as he checks in, he is putting in paperwork to transfer out. We are going to try and get Donner Pass in Lake Tahoe. He is #1 on the waiting list with 4 officers leaving, so far, so we've got a good chance. Most people don't want it because it is a weigh station but Chris was a heavy equipment mechanic so he would really excel. Also cost of living is low, pay is the same. We could finally afford to buy a home and God willing I could be a stay at home Mom. This wouldn't actually occur until October though. Speaking of Chris, he got a pin that he has to wear on his uniform. It is to commend the fact that he got more felony arrests than any other CHP officer in the whole division!!!! That is like 5 or more offices with hundreds of officers! I am so proud. On a crappy note, he has to have surgery on a tendon in his wrist and will be off for 4-6 weeks. OK enough bragging-by-association.
OK well, that is all for now, wish me luck on my grocery trip! Oh, and Happy April Fool's day!

Sorry About the "Cliff-Hanger"

Didn't mean to get y'all riled up with/for me and then leave you hanging for a week! I got real sick again. Today is the first day I feel remarkably better. To "V" you are awesome thank you! So, I called my union rep and she was great. After I explained everything, the first thing she said after along pause was, "....Shit." She told me my main boss---we'll call him "Mr. Limp handshake-no-eye-contact-pot-bellied-love-to-hear-himself-talk-a#%&hole ." Hmm... too long? How bout just "Limpy" got to protect the guilty now, don't we? Or I could call him what my union rep did--"A d&#k with legs!" But no, this is a PG rated blog. I digress, she told me that Limpy broke the law in this manner all the time, and that she had gone up against him before and she would love to tear him down again. I felt much better with her on my side. So I called back my boss and told him I wanted my Union Rep present and he went into a very long speech about how I had hurt his feelings, and how this was just an informal meeting, how we were family (what like Manson?) and how a union rep was inappropriate, blah blah blah. He back peddled on the whole note having to say no nausea/vomiting, just like my U.R. said he would. I have a feeling the meeting that took place after my doc appt. was very different than the one he had originally planned. I didn't take my U.R. with me after all, seems just the threat, did the trick. He told me he'd stand behind me no matter what the doc said, that I still had a job, etc. Nothing he couldn't have said over the phone. I can't go back to work at all until I have a "full release of duty." Which for my job still means the same thing as no puking, but it is legal. My doc doesn't seem to think I will necessarily ever be clear by their standards-full 12 hours any time of day/night. He officially diagnosed me with "Hyper-emmisis, moderately controlled with bed rest and medication." To be re-evaluated every two weeks. My next appt. is April 4th, trust me, full release, ain't happenin yet! So that's all I have to say about that!!!!! Whew!!!

K, lets see, update: Skin: still all broken out. Nausea: still in full effect most of the time. Cravings: Frosted Flakes and Butter Horn Dannishes. Tummy: not really showing too much yet, though I couldn't fit into my smaller end of the spectrum jeans (I am a yo-yo-er, I have a wide range of jean sizes). Perry's heartbeat as of last week: 152 BPM. Chris: still awesome; sometimes he shouts against my belly so he can talk with his "homie." Dreams: nothing weird. So far 2 dreams it's a girl and one that it's a boy. Purchases for Perry: Still nothing yet. Presents: totally flowing in. Family: really excited. Except my Grandpa, my dad tried to show him a picture of Perry and he wouldn't look at it. My dad handed him th U/S pick and he just handed it back. He said, "Poor, little babies, just don't have any privacy anymore." But when my dad went to leave he asked to keep it, to show my Uncle. He is excited too, I think he misunderstood and thought my dad was going to point out a willie or something!?! Well, I think that is everything. I will write more when something happens. Bye!

You Are Not Going to Believe This!

OK, first of all let me apologize for my absence. I still spend most of my time in bed. I feel MUCH better during the day, I rarely actually throw up between the hours of 8am-8pm any more, but that may be because I am usually in bed. I have just started attempting short journeys out, such as grocery store or book store, I make it, but it exhausts me. None of this post is a complaint, I feel very lucky, it's more of a thorough, update if you will. So I tried to go back to work this week, part time. The doctor's note said 6 hour days (half time) were fine, and IF they went OK I could return full-time. Well the first night- 6:30-midnight:30 was fine. I didn't throw up until I was in the car on the way home. The next night, I was working 1am-7am and I threw up the entire time. I couldn't eat anything and I am pretty sure, by the time I left, I was running a small temperature. It took me 10 hours of sleep before I could eat. I was very upset, but Chris and I decided I should not attempt the final day- 1am-7am. Obviously my body was not ready or willing to work those early morning hours. Well, when my boss found out, she called my at home that night (Sunday), furious. "But you said you were willing to work, even if you threw up!" she complained. "That is true," I replied, "but this was not just once or twice, which would have been workable. I pretty much threw up every single hour, and couldn't hold anything down." I wasn't comfortable saying I also had the runs and was becoming dehydrated. Then she said, "but I needed you to work Wed-Sat 7pm-7am!" I told, her I could guarantee, that wasn't going to happen but that I could work at least some of the first halves of those shifts, no problem. Sooooooooooo, here comes the part you are not going to believe:

This from the Commander of the Police Department and my boss:

I am not allowed to return to work AT ALL, until I can get a doctor's note that says, drumroll please...

"Becky, will no longer throw up. She is 100% nausea free."

Say what??????? Are these people insane???? Any pregnant woman MAY throw up ant ANY time?????? When I mentioned this, my boss said, well that is the note we need before you can come back. I told her, my doctor would NEVER give me a note like that--MAYBE he would say we could take it week by week. "Well, get a note that says that, then." Though she was obviously not pleased. Then my boss told me about my co-worker Jenna, who had hyper-emmis, was able to control her severe vomiting with steroids, seeming to suggest, maybe I could do that! Also that Jenna says she was able to not let it interfere with her job because she was able to wait until she was able to go to the restroom to vomit. Um, yeah, I love Jenna, but she works 9-5 Monday-Friday in the front office with 2-4 other people, with weekends off! I could do that! I work alone, weird/long hours, depending 100% on other people to give my bathroom breaks. I know I have written before about how horrible, my officers are about potty breaks. So, I have my mandatory doctor's appointment today at 1:50 pm, when I called and told the receptionist what my job wanted, we had a good laugh. I asked her if she had EVER heard of such a thing and she said, no. After my appointment, the Commander wants to meet with me. I can only imagine what that will be about, but if he asks me to resign, I will refuse. As a matter of fact, I have a call in to my Union Rep. because I think this is an ADA violation. Sigh. I am so mad. I am going to eat Fruit Loops and throw up a rainbow on the Commander's desk. Just kidding. I'll write the outcome later. Has anyone out there ever heard of such a thing? Does anyone out there agree that this may be a violation of rights? I'd love some feed back. Til later......

I Threw Up Into My Nose--It Burned!!!!

Lovely mental image, eh? So I am officially bedridden for two weeks. Not this past Saturday but the one before I went to the ER, bleeding. I was so scared. Before having Chris drive me there, I called him at work, and said, "I am having a miscarriage!" Like a total dumbass. Poor guy. I mean I really thought I was but, couldn't I have collected my thoughts first? Apparently not. So Chris, me and my trusty barf bucket, took off for the hospital. I had to drink a lot of water for my first outer ultra sound. Boy did I have to pee! First came the wand/space probe and after a tense moment, where while Chris was watching the monitor, he says, "Umm...." and I say, "Well, I assure you, you won't find a baby back there...." things then proceeded normally. There was Perry in all his glory! So beautiful, I had no idea at just 10w1d he would be so active! Punching, extending his arms, covering his eyes, rolling over so we could see his perfect spine, fingers, shoulder, elbow, even nose! When Chris and I saw how broad his shoulders were we both had the same thought, uh oh, that's going to hurt later... You see, Chris has extremely broad shoulders, and they have always made the uniform aspect of his life difficult. Whether it be the Marine Corps uniforms or CHP, no tailor can seem to comprehend that a person can have massive shoulders and a trim waist. Chris always gripes, "My shirts look like they are made by Omar the tent maker!" He has ALWAYS had to create pleats and fold them cleverly into his pants. Chris says,"God forbid it's windy the pleats come out and I look like I'm going to take off in flight at any moment! There I am trying to look authorative and give someone a ticket and there is my stupid shirt billowing out behind me!" So anyway, we both know that there will come a day in about 6 1/2 months where those shoulders are going to hurt like a mo fo, (sorry Mom.) It was an amazing experience, to see Perry, too bad the circumstances sucked. I saw my doc 2 days later, still bleeding a little and he said the U/S results looked good and he is still not worried, but restricted my activity even further. That day we got to hear the heartbeat, totally amazing, and I have to see him again March 8th. So today at 11w3d I still bleed every now and then though, not much. Chris and I call Perry our little boxer since he was really punching and weaving. We say, our baby floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee--with a massive case of ADD!! Well that's all. No really, unless you want me to describe my ceiling in the bedroom, you really are all caught up. Talk to you guys as soon as I can. M-wah!

If You are Totally Lame and You Know it Clap Your Hands! Clap! Clap!

I suck, I know it, but I just can't heave my body out of bed for much less than a natural disaster. Or CSI. I suck. And the computer is in the living room and that is sooooooooo far away. I still throw up so much! I am at 10 weeks today so (pleaseGodpleaseGodpleaseGodplease) maybe I will start feeling better in a couple of weeks or so. My job is actually being really awesome. I am officially on Medical LOA until about March 17th or so. They didn't even make me grovel or feel the need to vomit on their desks, it was nice. Speaking of throwing up, each dog has to come by the toilet, one by one, and stick their head in to inspect the damage. They are fascinated. As soon as I start retching Bailey beats me to the bathroom to watch the show. I am really bored. I read an entire novel today. The high point in my life lately is if I actually can produce a B.M. that day. Once upon a time I was proud of my job when I produced quality results on the computer for my officers. Now I beam with pride is I produce something the size of a walnut...every few days. Lucky for Chris, so far, I have stopped just short, of calling him into the restroom to witness my latest masterpeice. SO sad. Jen P you warned me! Forgive me as I sulk back to bed. Miss you all, don't give up on me, when this is over I will be back online with a vengeance.

I'll be in the Backyard Eating Grass, if Anyone Needs Me

Well, it works for the dogs when they have upset tummies, so I figure, what the heck, I'll give it a shot.
Hi. I don't feel good. Tomorrow I have a meeting with my job about taking a temporary medical leave until the end of my first trimester, (about March 15th.) I am still on probation so I am a little worried about the outcome. I intend to bring my barf bucket and hurl and the most opportune and pathetic times. Today I am 8 weeks 3 days or 9 weeks depending on which date you use. LMP or U/S. Saw the doc today, actually the Nurse Practitioner. She was nice and signed all my paperwork for leave. I have nothing exciting to say. Now that I found a winning combination of Unisom/sleep/Zofran, I feel better. Not able to work better, but able to lay on the couch in the living room and watch TV with out throwing up every single hour, type better. The Zofran is 4mg every 6 hours. It is $1300 for one month (only 20 bucks for me--whew!) It is a medicine used for patients that suffer really bad nausea due to chemotherapy treatment. Well, I am going to go lie down...Again. I wonder if I need to watch out for bed sores...Hmm...How sad. Love you all, thanks for the comment Mom, I miss you.

Go, Perry, Go!

I am sorry this is a day late, I hope I didn't worry anyone. I am just having a really rough time with my morning/noon/night sickness. So, Perry looks fantastic. According to his size, (I picked "he" so I can be consistent, but I would be thrilled boy or girl) he is only 6 weeks and 4 days today. Not too far off; just 4 days. My new projected due date is September 16th. That means we found out REALLY early! His little heart was beating so fast and strong, go Perry go!!!!! Chris and I didn't want the U/S to be over so fast. Yes, we got our pictures, but we wanted to watch that heart beat longer! I wish I could post the picture but if you go here, he looked almost identical to this, but he was attached to the top of the circle in our picture. Too soon to tell even, which side was the head. So, here goes the story, of why we call him Perry, but be forewarned it just won't be funny... So before Chris admitted to wanting to have kids, he used to say, since they feed off the mom like a host, a baby in the womb was sort of like a parasite, from a scientific point of view. Flash forward to when we started trying. I said we could call the baby Pari/Perry in reference to Chris' former theory. Well, Chris had forgotten all about that conversation AND he had quite a nice buzz going and he says in this dopey voice, "Perry the parimecium!!!" and I was like, "Nooooo, remember?....." Then we got a case of the giggles. So there you have it. Not that exciting. So my doc wants me to stay on my Zoloft. He wants me mentally fit, for the baby. I am relieved. He is also having me try extra vitamin B6 and 1/3 tablet of unisom before bed for the nausea. [Disclaimer: Do not try that w/out talking with your doctor. Had to say it.] He, however is thrilled, that I have been puking. He says, "Fantastic! That means he's healthy, I love to hear it. More puking!" So as I bow in deep reverence to the ceramic bowl, I try to keep that in mind! Love you all, talk to you soon!

I Should Have plead the Fifth

I lost the internet at my house again. Well that isn't totally accurate. I know where it went. We had to take our primary internet source in for service (the laptop), and we tried to hook up to it with our old computer. That didn't work so well. It kept freezing. Oh well. I really don't have anything exciting to say. My bean has a heartbeat, beginnings of arms, legs, eyes and lungs. It now has progressed from eel to tadpole. I was showing Chris a picture on the internet of a 7 week old baby so he could see what we may be seeing on Monday and it said, "yolk sac." Chris said, "What do they think we are we having, a chicken?" He doesn't like some of the terms like gestation. He says, "Beck, it isn't an alien, I hate it when people say gestation, and please don't say embryo or fetus, call it a baby." Which is really funny because he calls the baby "Pari" (pronounced Perry), which of course has a story attached to it. It is one of those, you had to be there stories that I have no doubt I will eventually torture you with--but I just know it won't seem as funny when I tell it. Chris is still being awesome about filling up the gas and making dinner, and letting me lay around groaning while he looks on sympathetically. Oh, I have morning sickness now. What a lie. It starts about 10am and lasts until about 2pm. Then every time I get hungry it comes back. And stays. I haven't thrown up yet, it is more of a constant annoying kind of nausea. I have dry heaved, which is a lot of fun, so I have no doubt it's coming. Ginger snaps and saltines sometimes work. All the books say it is a sign of a good, viable pregnancy so, even though I hate it, I am secretly thrilled. Sort of. I am still so thankful I have gotten this far, but I am so scared that Monday the black spot where the baby should be will be empty. I can't remember what it is called, but it is where there is the yolk sac and your body still thinks it is pregnant but the baby wasn't viable and left a while ago. Almost as much as I would miss the baby, I would miss Chris' innocence. Never again would he wake me up with, "Today we have hands!" (Yesterday.) I know he would be totally quiet about it when we got pregnant the next time. Again, I still thank God every time I go to the restroom and there is no blood, and every single day I am so very grateful. I will just feel soooooo much better after Monday. Also, I am going to ask my doc if he thinks I should stop taking my Zoloft. I have already cut down to 50mg every 2-3 days, but Chris really wants me to stop. I am so scared to stop, I am afraid I will crash. I realize my fear may be unfounded, but it is very real. I took myself off of it one time and crashed so hard. I wouldn't be scared at all but it takes 5 days to clear out of the system and about 30 to get back it. So, if I stop and I do crash, those four weeks will feel like an eternity. Stress is really dangerous for an unborn baby too. Also, I can't imagine having the job I do now and being able to function in it if that happened. No matter what, I will do whatever the doc recommends on Monday. Anyone have any thoughts on the matter? Over and over again I hear of people whose sister/friend/cousin stayed on it and everything was fine but...

Moving right along, I "snuck" a hamburger from Carl's Jr today. I haven't eaten any fast food in weeks, but I was dying for a burger. The other day I told Chris, "The baby wants a hamburger from Carls Jr." and he said, "MY kid wants healthy food. If you want a hamburger, I will grill one for you." Very sweet of him, but he never got a chance. This was the best hamburger I ever had. I am ravenous, lately. I literally scared a waiter at the Olive Garden. I politely requested breadsticks. Breadsticks, breadsticks, yummy, yummy breadsticks, gotta have them to dunk in my all you can eat soup-salad and breadsticks. Well they took forever, and then the waiter finally brought them, he had them on a tray, and Chris says I was staring at the basket like I was going to knock the waiter over and take everyone's share. (I thought about it.) He says the waiter saw the crazed look in my eyes and it scared him. I don't know if that is true, but for the rest of the meal he stood about 4 feet from the table when asking if we needed anything, while glancing nervously at me. Chris has started calling me, Hoover.

I got subpoenaed for a case I dispatched in AUGUST!!! I ended up being the key witness at a probable cause hearing. I was so nervous! AND I kept leaving my pants zipper down all morning! Luckily I caught it right before I took the stand. The defense attorney was a barracuda! She was just like those slimy ones on TV. I remembered a key point, clear as day, that I had previously said I was not comfortable having on record my recollection. Boy did she latch onto that like a blood-sucking leech. So afterwards, I am in the hallway chatting with the officers about this one lady who used to work with us, and I say, "Boy, talk about an angry, bitter woman." And I turn around and come face to face with the defense attorney. Gulp. She stares at me, I stare back. Did I just let the awkward moment pass? No, I said to her, "I don't mean you." She just looked at me like I was a complete ding dong. No surprise there. Good news is, the good guys (us) won. Yay! While I was writing this, I just called an officer in for "code 2 ½" cover which is just short of lights and sirens, so I could go hurl. That was fun. I don't remember eating broccoli, though. Hmmm.... Til later, goodnight!

My Power of Smell has Increased---Not My Powers of Observation

I am so lost in the sauce. I keep forgeting what I am talking mid-sentence. When Chris read, the hormones will make me forgetful, he said, "Beck, you can't get forgetful! Everyone knows when I come home I hang up my brain with my badge. If you don't remember to pay the bills who will?" Good point. Yesterday I washed my face with my glasses still on. However, my sense of smell is amazing. I FOUND a pepperoni pizza at work the other day that was downstairs, around the corner and behind two closed doors. Quite impressive if I do say so myself. Several of the zits on my chin have joined together and formed superpowers, sigh. On a lighter note...Today is six weeks! Yay! One week 'til my ultrasound! Yay! Still no morning sickness! Yay! Except when I get hungry. It actually scares me a little because all the books say morning sickness means less of a chance at miscarriage. I will feel better when I see the little bean with my own eyes. Remember I said, Chris and I were the first of our friends to get married and the last to have kids? I just found out how this finally works in our favor. I am getting others baby stuff! My wonderful friend Sabrina is letting me have clothes and a swing, and my other friend Alicia is giving me books and if I need it a crib. Score! Pretty cool, huh?

So today I went for a long overdue eyebrow waxing with my favorite lady. So I am sitting in the chair and she says, "I have to do this." And swoop, smack rip, before you know it I am mustache free. It looks great but she didn't even ask! I was a bit startled. Chris was there, showing his support through laughter...I love that lady though. After we paid she ran to the back and brought out a teddy bear. "Baby first present!" She is such a sweetie, even if she did de-hair me with out my consent. I can't think of anything else to say.... I had a lot to tell you and I forgot it all. Maybe I will remember tomorrow. Til then, bye!

My Child is Already Behind the Learning Curve--Fooey!

I saw an ad in a magazine for Pre-natal education. I will say it again. Pre-natal education. All together now, Pre-natal education. I feel as if I have gone insane. Prenatal natal education. For the baby. While it is still inside. Totally crazy. Anyway, at 5w4d I am still lucky to have no morning sickness, but I do have the runs. A lot. I can also smell things from up to, but not limited to, 5 miles away. Which is both cool and really annoying, depending on if it is like, a chocolate cake or a skunk. Also, my face is broken out soooooo bad. It has never ever been this bad. I know it is the extra hormones, and I’ll take this over morning sickness, though I preferred the flatulence. It’s all on my chin and jaw and they are the yucky big ones that really hurt. Chris was especially helpful dispensing care and advice, about this a few days ago.

Me: Chriiiiiiiiis, (wailing pathetically) look at my chin, it hurts.
(Chris leans in REAL close.)
Chris: Oh my gosh, that looks so bad. Oh wow, there are so many!
(Leans in farther)
Me: Yeah there’s like ten.
Chris: No, there is way, way more than that. Oh, wow. Is that normal?
Should we call the doctor?
Me: No, it’s just the hormones.
Chris: It’s like, really, really red too.
Me: Yes I know. (Regretting calling it to his attention.)
Chris: Let me go get the flashlight and my glasses….
Me: I am not one of the dogs! Forget it. Really, it’s not that bad.
Chris: Well it is bad.
Me: Fine, it’s horrific, I am a nasty, nasty monster (throwing the covers over my head)
just leave me alone to wallow in my ugliness.
Chris: Aren’t you late for work?
Me: Argh!

He made up for it later though. He saw me applying cover-up.

Chris: No, Beck, don’t you’ll make it worse!
Me: No, this stuff is hypo-allergenic and besides, I’d rather cause more than go to work like this, it’s too humiliating.
Chris: Well. I don’t think you should wear it. Besides if anyone says anything, tell them you’re pregnant. And if they don’t think you are as beautiful as I do, I’ll beat them up.

Forgiven. He is also forgiven because today, he woke me up for work by saying, “Wake up! Guess what we got today……Arms!” and yesterday it was, “Time to wake up! Guess what we got today….eyes!” I have stopped trying to tell him, that it is just the beginnings of, each of those because he says, I am just being a downer and also he is just so gosh darn adorable about it. He checks my lunches to make sure they are “pregnancy rated.” And cooks dinner specifically designed to what he feels, “the kid needs today.” He is so much fun. Speaking of fun, I am asking my officers today if they can give me some of their yellow “Police Line: Do Not Cross” tape. I am going to take it home and wrap it around my sore chest, I can’t wait to see what Chris says.
And now I will close with a very funny dog/Chris story. Well funny to me anyway, Chris and Xena may beg to differ. So remember I told you Xena has that “hot spot” she won’t stop licking? Well we felt bad that she still had to wear the cone so Chris bought some hot spot spray and then some spray for both her and Bailey, called “Fooey” that is supposed to be the most “bitter tasting all natural product in the world.” So Chris sprayed it on Bailey’s “hot spot” and rubbed it into her paw. Bailey licks it and then sneezes. She then proceeds to hold her foot as far away from her nose as possible while she continues to whine dramatically. Cool, Chris thinks, this really works! Now maybe Xena can stop wearing the cone of silence. So he took her cone off and put some “Fooey” on Xena. Xena goes; lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! (pause) lick, lick, lick. Hack! Hack! Hack! Back on goes the cone. Chris then, wiped a hand over his face/mouth in frustration. And then he licked his lips….. and Chris goes; Lick….Hack! Hack! Hack! Sneeze! Hack! “Oh my gosh that IS the most awful tasting stuff in the world!” And quickly goes into the bathroom and pours mouthwash onto his toothbrush, then toothpaste and brushed for a very, very long time. Oh, and while this was going on, Riley must have got some in her system too, and she threw up. “Beck, “ said Chris, “ It looked like the “&” symbol on the type/keyboard. Almost as if she was trying to say, ‘aaand’ “ Maybe you had to be there, but the whole re-telling/reenactment by Chris had be laughing hysterically. Ok, well that is all for now. Talk to you guys later!

Boobies!!!! (Look But Don't Touch)

Poor, poor Chris. He has a brand new toy but he can't play with it. I am not a bossom-y woman, but, right now, my cups runneth over. But for the love of God, they hurt. Hurts to be hugged, lay on my tummy, breathe. I feel like, hey, look at this shiny new toy, no don’t touch it is for looks only. Chris says, “Hey where’d you get those?” and tells me, “I have a legal document that says I can see them whenever I want.” Ah, such sweet ignorance.

**********THAT Is NOT a Cone of Silence*************

So my dogs were tracking mud into my house and it was driving me insane! I would stop each dog by the back door, have them walk around on a sheet, then wipe each paw off and then mop up any excess mud off the floor. Times four!!!!! So Chris put down tarps in the backyard. While he was doing that, Xena my extremely smart alpha dog, is watching what he is doing. Suddenly she walks up to where Chris was working, turns around, poops and pees then turns around and tried to kick it at him! Chris said, “I wasn’t even mad, I was impressed actually.” Apparently she doesn’t approve of our idea. Speaking of Xena, yesterday we saw her licking obsessively at her leg, (German Shepard’s are notoriously OCD.) So Chris turns her over and begins inspecting her leg while I hold the flashlight. “Beck,” he says, “I need the cone of silence.” So I stop yapping and get real quiet. After a moment he turns around and says, “Beck, go get the cone for around her neck. Remember that’s what we call it?” Oh, yeah! Boy did I feel dumb! I wondered why he was suddenly quoting Maxwell Smart! So poor Xena has to where the upside-down lampshade until the vet appointment tomorrow and man is she pissed. See she is so smart that when we make jokes, like “How’s that disc picking up reception?” or (whispered) “Don’t talk too loud, everything is super-amplified for her.” Or “The Xena dog can hear small woodland creatures up to 3 miles away, but only in the direction she is facing.” Xena gets mad and leaves the room or turns her back on us. So, today she got her revenge. While I was trying to take a nap, Xena and her cone, got stuck in the bushes under my window and she made quite the racket de-tangling herself. Then she started barking and wouldn’t you know that thing acts as a natural bull horn? And finally as if I wasn’t awake enough, Riley goes and stands in front of Xena wagging her tail, which then bangs on the cone like a drum. So I am very tired right now.

Yesterday I told Chris, “I am really proud of myself because I am eating really healthy.” I couldn’t figure out why he wouldn’t stop laughing. Probably had something to do with the fact that, at that moment I happened to be carrying an extra large pepperoni pizza. “Oh, well besides this I mean.” I am losing my mind! I have put things in the trash that belong in the fridge and vice versa. I tripped over the bean bag and “rode” it across the room like a surf board. I not only knocked over the dog’s food bowl, somehow I manage to knock half of the food about 15 feet, the other half flew into the air and landed in the water bowl. I walked into the living room carrying the dog food filled water bowl, Chris looks up and goes right back to reading the newspaper. “I am not even going to ask.” he said. Knowing me, he ain’t seen nothing yet!

Flatulence: Fun For Everyone!

I can't remember if I ever told you, but when we first got married, Chris made up the rule that we would have no belching and no farting in front of each other because it "kills the romance." Well, I told him whenever I became pregnant all bets were off--guess he thought I was joking...
I still don't feel pregnant. All those months of waiting for a sign! The things I can tell are different, easily could be chalked up to PMS a UTI or bad tofu. The only new thing is that I like to sleep in a tight ball on my side, and I can't any more. I can't really explain it, it doesn't hurt exactly, it is just uncomfortable. And OMG I gots the toots. So there we were in OSH looking for a tarp and I let one slip, real quiet. Chris goes, "These tarps smell like ass." And I say, "Oh, that would be me, sorry." Was he willing to let it go? No. I told him this is one of the early signs of pregnancy, I can prove it, (Sabrina, back me up, please!) I got out the book and everything! He told me I should have gone to a different aisle! So now hours later he keeps making fart noises and calling me Stinky. Fine, from now on I'm blaming it on the dogs.

My doctor abandoned me. I called up to get my first appointment and can you believe the nerve--he's on vacation!!! Shouldn't he be waiting for my call? No? OK. But you know what sucked? The nurse said we will see you at six weeks and then almost hung up. I was like, "Wait, what do I do? Should I keep doing the progesterone? Take vitamins?" She looked at my chart and said yes to both. What if I had stopped the progesterone??? I am really kind of ticked at them. Oh well. I sent an email to my doc that said "Congratualtions you're going to be a doctor."

I read pregnant women lose their minds and do strange things. I am starting to. I will end with the things I have done this week:

*Got out of the shower with soap still covering my right arm.

*Knocked over a display at the video store.

*Lost my keys, found them and then promptly lost them again.

*Misplaced my DVDs from blockbuster, only to have Chris find them in plain sight.

*Farted in OSH and blamed it on the sales guy walking by.

That is all for now, I have to go take a nap. Talk to ya later, bye!

Congratulations! You Are Having a Baby EEL!

So, my buddy Alicia gave me a stack of pregnancy books to peruse, most of them seem full of propaganda and scare tactics. One of them is just so gosh darn funny I thought I would share some of it with you. It is called “A Child is Born” and it is pregnancy from a biological/scientific standpoint. It shows every phase from pre-conception to some really frightening birth pictures. Gestation-wise I am at 3 weeks and the picture looks like an eel. Either that or Janice from Dr. Teeth’s Electric (Muppet Show) Band. Anyhoo here goes my mockery of this fantastic book, come gentle readers, join me.

Book: Within a private, timeless world, events are taking place that will enrich and change forever the lives of two loving human beings.

Reality: Private? Even my mailman knows my cycle at this point….

Book: The swimming sperm, the dancing ovum, all the secret phenomena inside the woman’s body are matters of which the two expectant parents—the man and woman who love each other—are oblivious.

Reality: The man and woman were about to throttle each other, if I remember correctly. Also, if my ovum dance as poorly as I do, no wonder it took so long to get pregnant—I am a horrible dancer.

Book: Unaware of events in the depths of her body, the young woman and her partner rejoice in their love.

Reality: Um yeah. I think that was right about the time my progesterone was making me insane and my husband was only rejoicing when I left for work. It was getting to the point where he would enter a room calling, “Do not injure me. I come in peace. My people mean you no harm…”

Book: At eight days, the blastocyst has landed! Like a raspberry on a cake it sinks slightly into it’s foundation.

Reality: Say what? I’ve got nothing... Although cake sounds really good to me right now.

Book: As early as 10 days after ovulation the woman may feel tired and irritable. Her partner does not always understand what this is all about, and may perhaps think he has said or done something wrong.

Reality: Oh no honey, he has done something wrong. I’m just not quite sure what it is yet…

And that is as far as I have gotten so far. Monday I am at 5 weeks! Yay! And now, I will close with some of the funny, silly, wacky things my husband has done/is doing. He has personally put himself in charge of this pregnancy. (I’m calling him the Pregnancy Police.)

*Sniffed my soda to make sure that is was in fact Root Beer not Coke.

*Packed my lunch every day with nutritious items because, “My baby is not eating fast food.” (Today I got a surprisingly delicious home made salad. I was a little concerned at first when I saw he had put Dorritos in it.)

*Has walked around for days saying, “You’re my baby’s mama!” In a strange “ghetto” accent.

*Picked up all prescriptions so I could get an extra hour of sleep.

*Filled my gas tank, so I wouldn’t harm the baby with gas fumes.

*When I told him I have been walking on my lunch breaks, said “Good now I won’t have to strap you’re a@# to a treadmill.” (I am a notorious non-excerciser.)

*Discussed, in depth, creating an off-road stroller with a compartment for his duty-weapon with his brothers.

*Officially kicked the dogs out of the guest room, because, “That’s the baby’s room now.”

*Knows every important date coming up and has filled out the calendar himself, to chart important milestones.

*Doesn’t understand why there is no point in getting an ultrasound at 4 ½ weeks, even if we pay for it ourselves.

*Let me know that he told the dogs about the pregnancy, and they are OK with it.

*Sat down and tried to read “The Expectant Father” all the way through in one sitting, the day after we found out we were pregnant, then got exasperated and said, “No one is that stupid.”

*Became annoyed when I stopped reading aloud from “What to Expect When You are Expecting.”

*Burst into the bedroom this “morning,” happy to wake me up in time for work---an hour early. He made me dinner though, that totally made up for being unable to fall back asleep.

*Was asked to pick up Orange Slice at the store. When he discovered there was none on the shelf, walked into the store room, past a surprised employee and took one from the shelf back there. Told the employee as he walked back out, “I am just going to take this, OK? Don’t worry I am going to pay for it.”

So that is my wonderful husband. He is doing great and really being a part of everything. I think I am going to strangle him, soon. Just kidding, Chris!!!!!! Well that is all for now, thank you for all your thoughts, prayers and well wishes, please keep them coming.

Wow, I Guess Sometimes a Watched Pot DOES Boil

I am kind of still in shock right now. I took a HPT--one thick dark line. I took this test in the middle of the night, so I probably slept off the worst of the heartache. Woke up told Chris, he "knew." Told my mom, she gave me a big hug. Told her, well at least I can stop taking the progesterone. Chris will be happy about that. Went into the bathroom to take a shower. Decided to take one last look at the HPT, (how many times have we all done this--as if it would miraculously change?)... but it did. There it was, a faint second line. And then I made a complete ass of myself. Not only screaming, but just wearing a towel (we are VERY modest in my parent's house), I ran out to the breakfast table and shouted at my husband AND my parents, "I was wrong, there is another line, I think I AM pregnant!" and ran off screaming to take a shower. What happened to the MANY ways I planned on telling Chris--in cool, original, but most important private, ways? Poor Chris was pounding on the door, which in my excitement I inadvertently locked. When I finally opened the door, he was really upset with me--rightly so! Not only was he mad that I spilled the beans to everyone all at once, he said, "This already happened and it wasn't true." Oh, yeah, that. I forgot to tell you guys about that. About six months ago we had a false alarm. I don't know if it was chemical or a bad test, but it really, really hurt. So Chris immediately went online and found me a place to get a blood test. In the mean time I took a second pregnancy test, which was negative. I disgustedly threw it in the trash, and thought, oh no, now what have I done? More upset for Chris than me. So I decided, we should get the test anyway. Right before we left, dug the second test out of the trash can, (how many times have I done that? A lot!) I was sure a second line was going to be there---and it was. Very faint. So, took the blood test. Best $27 I ever spent! And thus began the longest five hours of my life. 4pm finally rolls around and I called. "It is positive, but very, very light, very early." The nurse said. "Like, chemical pregnancy early, or like went on vacation on December 20th, early?" She laughed and said, "Yeah like that." So here I sit. Sometimes I can't breathe. Tomorrow's post will be how Chris is taking it. He is hilarious. I have started calling him the Pregnancy Police.

Today I am 4w2d and my projected due date is September 12th. My first ultrasound/pre-natal visit is January 24th. I am aware how fleeting this could potentially be, but today I am pregnant. Today, I am so thankful, and I will be thankful for every day I get. Sorry this took so long to POST but I had some people to tell. Talk to you soon!

What? Don't You Find My Psychotic Side Sexy?

My poor, poor husband. Remember how I thought it was the clomid driving me insane? Ah, such, sweet innocent, ignorance. It is definetly the progesterone. I had the dumbest argument with him. Oh, the argument was an important one, but my abilty to argue coherently went right out the window. It was like I was standing behind myself, watching the train wreck happen and I couldn't stop it. Not to mention this happened right before work. Don't you hate that when you argue with your DH, right before work? Also crying makes me sooo tired. When I went to work, I literaly, woke up with my face on the keyboard 3 times! So, that sucked.I am at my parents house in San Luis Obispo right now. I grew up here. I am going to take a pregnancy test tomorrow while I am still here, just in case, so that either I can tell my parents, in person, or get a Mommy-Hug. Nothing better than a Mommy-Hug to soothe a broken heart. That crazy Hope is still there. At this point she has become HOPE, and she will not be ignored. I'll write again soon.

If You Can't Say Something Nice.....Shut the %$#& Up!

Hope: Hey it’s 13 DPO.

Me: Yeah, so?

Hope: Just wanted to remind you again, in case you forgot.

Me: Yeah, thanks.

Hope: You sure are peeing a lot.

Me: I know, that’s because I have been drinking a lot of water.

Hope: That was kind of weird how you cleaned the entire house before bed this morning. It’s
almost like you are “nesting” or something.

Me: No, I just like a clean house before bed.

Hope: (Snort) Since when?

Me: Touché.

Hope: Hey, what’s with this craving for bologna, tartar sauce and grape juice?

Me: I dunno, sounds normal to me.

Hope: Right. You sure are tired a lot this week.

Me: Duh. I work graves.

Hope: Yeah, maybe. Hey, there is a HPT in the bathroom drawer, why don’t you use it.

Me: No.

Hope: Why not?

Me: Too early.

Hope: Maybe not, you know on the box it says—

Me: I know what it says, cut it out.

Hope: Cut what out? I’m just saying…

Me: I know what you are saying. Look, you need to leave; you are making this really hard on me.

Hope: Oh, you know me, I hang around till I see one line, then I disappear for a couple weeks.

Me: Yes I noticed that…Fine, stay, but for the love of God, shut up.

(Uncomfortable silence)

Hope: That really is an amazing vacuum you have…

Me: It really is isn’t it?

Hope: Especially great if you are pregnant, because it cleans so---

Me: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope: (Innocently) What?