Waiting For The Pot To Boil

That's MR AMERICA Thank You Very Much :)

2010-11-28T17:29:00.000-08:00

Well, my mom has been bugging me to update. She feels the baby's manliness is being threatened. We are naming HIM Joshua James Danger C. It was awesome because my mom and dad got to come to the ultrasound when we found out. So did Liam and Chris. The U/S tech told us the sex right away so I got to be more excited. I am surprised to say I am not at all disappointed. I love saying "My boys...." Liam is already an amazing big brother. Gotta go for now. I will try to do better lest Joshua feel left out of this blog. PS I feel great!

Here she is, Miss America!!!!

2010-08-29T13:26:00.000-07:00

And debuting at 2 inches long .001 oz it's Baby Perry! Don't you just envy her measurements? Sorry the photo is so small.

I'm still here, really I am!

2010-08-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

So the reason it's been over a month since I wrote is because my laptop finally died. It was a slow and agonizing death and it is now in a better place. On week 13 I got to see her. She is gorgeous and I will attach a photo later. I really don't have much to say. I find out that she is a she on Oct. 5 at 9:30am. Vindication!
So a quick funny story. I throw up every morning, but then I feel better. Liam always says, "Here comes your audience!" And laughs delightedly as I puke. Also one time I had a barf bucket and he shoved my face in it, and said, "Come on Mom, you can do it!" What motivation! Talk to you soon!

10w 4d

2010-07-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

I am so positive this is a girl, I will be shocked, yes shocked, if I am wrong. This pregnancy is so different. I am sick all the time, yes, but I only actually puke first thing in the morning. No hyperememsis! My hair looks good, my skin is clear and I feel better lying on my right side, as opposed to my left like when I was pregnant with Liam. I just know it! I am (barely) refraining from buying anything and everything pink and frilly. I want bows and barbies and pink booties, and and and, you get the idea. Only have to wait 9 1/2 more weeks until vindication. (Chris is positive it's a boy.) We'll talk later, Becca and the Bean

8w 2d

2010-07-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

(Not my scan) Howdy. Sorry for the long delay we were on a road trip across the Western States. Now we have arrived in CA. Baby is doing great. I know because I am sick aaaaallllll the time! But you know what? At least so far it is not hyperememsis. Or if it is it is a much milder case than with Liam. Proof in my mind, at least that it is a girl. Riley Opal Xena C aka "Roxy." Here we come. I am staying with my parents in CA for a whole month. Lord willing by the time we leave the morning/noon/night sickness will be less or even over. Well gotta go for now, Becca and the Bean

Blergh

2010-06-23T13:30:00.001-07:00

Whoever named it "morning" sickness was a moron.

The ER doc was an idiot!

2010-06-17T16:52:00.000-07:00

So my new OB says the hospital U/S looked good. He ordered an ultrasound for Monday so then we will know for sure. I will be 6 weeks along so maybe just maybe a heartbeat. Otherwise I have another U/S at 7 weeks. Later I gotta tell you how I told everyone I was preggers. Til later!

Becca and the Bean

2010-06-15T15:26:00.000-07:00

So I was in the ER yesterday with left side abdominal pain and ironically I had cysts on the right side. One really big one. Good news, no ectopic pregnancy. Then the doc scared me by saying there was no fetal activity and he "would have like to have seen some movement." Well, he's moron because there is no visable fetal activity for 6 or 7 weeks. What a jerk. So I go see my new OB on thursday and he will go over the hospital results with me and maybe do another ultra sound. Prob not as IT IS TOO EARLY TO SEE ANYTHING. Argh I am so mad at that guy. Well guys, please be praying. I think it's going to be fine. Talk to you thursday.

After 2 1/2 long years......

2010-06-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

The pot has finally boiled! Again! My due date is Febuary 16th! Yaaaaay!

My progesterone righted itself, which is truly a miracle. Praise God no more psyclomid! I will keep you updated throughout. I found out on the 9th but I had to tell, well, everyone. To say I am gushing with excitement is an understatement.

Day 27

2010-06-06T18:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I am being plagued by hope. That evil B#$%@ Tee hee.

Day 14

2010-05-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

Well we are half way there. I've been praying for twins. Am I nuts or what? Congrats to "Dani" whose twins were just born!

So Liam is out for the summer and I have no idea what I am going to do with him for 3 months. Well except July. July we are going to spend the whole month in CA on the central coast with my parents.

Chris/Liam got me the most beautiful roses for mother's day. I am feeling very random today. I'm waiting for Chris to call me and give me his hotel's address so we can rendevous. I am so lucky he is still working here in Utah. Um, well nothing else is new. Talk to you later!

My biological clock is talking

2010-05-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

I took one of those digital pregnancy tests and it read, "not pregnant" That was brutal. Somehow the line test is easier because you can hold it up to the light, tilt it back and forth, throw it in the trash only to take it out several times to check. (Hey, I did that with Liam's test and eventually there was a second line! It could happen.) Somehow the line test eases you into the knowledge instead of slapping you upside the head with a resounding "NO!!!" So, I feel like I'm running out of time to concieve. Right now I can travel to where Chris is at key days of the month. But soon he will be moving to Wyoming or Colorado. What am I gonna do, fly in on fertile days? Too expensive. With him being gone for 8 days every 7 days this could take a really long time. Let's face it I'm not getting any younger! Well we are on day one. Pray for me, I could use it.

If you give Beckie an ovulation...

2010-05-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

AAAAAHHHHHH! I'm not broken! As the nurse said, I ovulated "Like a champ"! I don't have to go up anymore in Clomid, Yay! Weird thing is my temp never really spiked and I felt nothing, like I normally feel a pain in my ovary. Who cares, I did it. I give all the glory to God, I should say He did it! Chris is right though, I do want a pregnancy to go with it....

I Think I'm Broken

2010-04-25T14:00:00.000-07:00

Or rather, I think my eggs are broken. Another month and I am quite sure I didn't ovulate. Sigh. Have you heard of "If you give a mouse a cookie"? It's a children's book. I told Chris I just want to ovulate, not even get pregnant yet and Chris said, "If you give a Beckie an ovulation, she'll want a pregnancy to go with it." It's only funny if you've read the book...

I think my Ob/Gyn only cares about me if I get pregnant. I've pretty much been treating myself. I asked to up the clomid dosage and I asked for a 21 day progesterone lab slip. It's kinda weird. Then I have to literally stalk them just to get my blood test results. Oh well, we'll see what happens. Til later!

"On the Road Agaaaaaiiiiiiiin" (Sung in E minor)

2010-04-12T16:10:00.000-07:00

Well, here we go again! Onto that long windy road of infertility. Tomorrow I go on the higher dosage of 50mg of Clomid. Yay, even more anger! Thank God Chris is out of town, poor guy.

Liam pooped his pants today at the flower shop. Too bad I found out too late or I could have offered them some free fertilizer! Ah, parenting.

My Broken Heart

2010-04-08T15:10:00.000-07:00

I thought a negative preg test was the worst, but this is even worse than that. All that work, charting and body temp, hormones and planning and I didn't even ovulate! I just cried and cried because there wasn't even a chance to get pregnant this month. I KNOW it will happen in God's time but I really, really want this.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T12:28:00.001-07:00

Here is Little Man in his Easter suit.

********************************

Praise God He is risen!!!!

The Long Wait Begins...

2010-04-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

Well, ovulation has come and gone and now we wait. And wait, and wait. Sigh. At least I have you little blog, to keep me company. 13 days til evil pee stick day. Sigh.

Mission Accomplished

2010-03-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I won't go into details (your welcome Mom), but I did get to visit Chris. I said before it was at his jobsite but being that he works in a rail yard I didn't mean we would rendezvous in a box car like my Auntie thought! And now the long wait begins....

The Little Ovary That Could

2010-03-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

All signs point to ovulation in the next 24-36 hours!!! Yay! Only 2 problems: 1) My temperature has not spiked yet and 2) I am no where near Chris... Please pray I can visit him at his jobsite tomorrow. It's not for sure, wah! Please dear Lord don't let these crazy hormones be for nothing!

So I was looking for a funny book on infertility, because lets face it the one I found and read called, "Empty Womb, Aching Heart" made me want to shoot myself. Infertility can be funny. Anyone ever faced with the transvaginal wand (aka the space probe) can back me up. This book above, was not funny. The book review lied. What a let down. This is why I need to get this blog published. I'd buy it. Would you?

Come on girls, you can do it!

2010-03-27T15:09:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, though I am not yet ovulating, (come on already) I can feel my ovaries slowly coming to life. Dusting off the cobwebs and brushing themselves off. If there was a hamster in a wheel in there, he'd be old and arthritic, with the ol' wheel coming off it's hinges. My eggs are fried. Not willing to fully come out, they naughtily are playing hide and seek. Come on already, let's get this party started!

Ovulation Predictor kit. Seems simple, right?

2010-03-24T11:42:00.000-07:00

WRONG! So if I look at the test line it looks the same only thinner. But if I blurr my eyes they look identical. But if I cross my eyes their totally different. If I spin around and do the hokey pokey, well, I just get dizzy. This is harder than it looks! It's like at the optometrist's office, "One or two, two or three, three or one." Argh!

Tab A fits in to Slot B. That's all I know...

2010-03-22T16:17:00.000-07:00

I actually got this book on Amazon for 20 cents... Does that mean it sucks? Either way, I obviously need it! So Chris went back to work. Which means all of him is gone. Sigh. How are we supposed to make this kid if he's gone every other week? So even though I'm not yet ovulating, I can feel my ovaries stirring. Waking up from their long hibernation and peeking out. If they see their shadow it's another month of winter....

You Are Real to Me

2010-03-21T15:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Future Baby, I'm doing this for you, all of it, for you. When I feel miserable I remember who this is all for and it helps. I feel despair and then I remember your face. How is it that I miss you so much and you don't even exsist yet? This garbage that I feel because of the hormones can't be for nothing. I can imagine you kicking and seeing you smile. My heart aches for each moment without you. But we will be successful, I just know it, you'll see. I love you, Baby, and I can't wait to meet you.

Let's Just Not Go There

2010-03-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

If I tell you we are trying to expand our family, please don't tell me how much fun the "trying" part is. I don't want to talk about the sex side of the issue with you, just the baby part. As far as you are concerned let's pretend a stork brings it. I mean can you say, "Awkward!"

Wow...That's Something New...

2010-03-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well folks, I have developed an eye twitch. An eye twitch!!!!! A lovely outward sign of the stress I am feeling inside. As in, uh oh, that watched pot's gonna blow! Great. No really I'm thrilled. It's quite dramatic, and if I add the shakes people will stay the h&#$ away from me, which is for their safety anyway. Man I hate Clomid. And speaking of erruptions, my face is all broken out, thanks to the influx of hormones. Yay!

I will take the Clomid...The Clomid will not take me!

2010-03-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

Clomid makes me crazy. C-R-A-Z-Y! And I start it today. I don't want to! I don't know if I mentioned on this blog, but I'm bipolar. Which means I'm on two mood stabalizers. Oh, dear Lord let them counteract the Clomid. Last time Chris would throw a shoe in the room ahead of himself to see if I would eat it. Man I can't help but worry. Pray for me. But more? Pray for Chris.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!!!! (One day early)

2010-03-16T18:52:00.000-07:00

Some vintage Liam pics to brighten your day!

Oh Little Period, So Brave and True

2010-03-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ode to my Period

Oh little period you were so late
I got so nervous I ate and ate and ate
I knew I wasn't pregnant becuause I took a test
Now you are here and I think that you are the best.
I was going to have to jump start you with progesterone
It got me so concerned I called my mom on the telephone.
But now you're here and I jump for joy.
I am so irriatable I snapped at my little boy.
I am glad I didn't have to use drugs to get you to start.
Now I need some feminine products from the local KMart.
In closing I hope I don't see you for nine months more,
I'm excited now really, for what's in store!

It's Still Liam Land

2010-03-14T19:37:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture taken today of me running after Liam and my favorite from the summer. Maybe it's weird to post a child's pictures on a infertility blog but oh well, this is my life. I suffer from infertility and now secondary infertility. There are a lot of view points on whether having one kid makes secondary fertility easier or harder. Easier because you have a child to distract and focus on or harder because you know what you're missing and you yearn for it. I straddle the middle. I do think Liam makes it easier, how could he not? But I also yearn for another baby. Heck, I yearn for twins. And one daughter. Please! Liam is all about having a brother or a sister. He talks constantly about it. We were in Walmart and he kept saying, "And we'll buy that for the baby and this for the baby..." Some lady looked at me like, oh how sweet until I said, " Well first we have to conceive the child." Then she looked horrified. My don't I have a way with words?

It Just Never Gets Old

2010-03-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

This was our last "unassisted attempt". And yet it's still a kick in the teeth, every goll durned time. So a little new information. I was on depakote which causes spinal bifida, but my new Psychiatrist switched me to Lamictal which he is comfortable letting his patients get pregnant on. So that settled what's wrong this time? 2 things and one possible. 1) I'm not ovulating. That's the biggest problem. 2) Average to low progesterone. Then possibly 3) Endometriosis/laproscopy needed. So what's our plan of action? Starting out at 25mg of Clomid and progesterone therapy. Then slowly increase until 100mg. If that doesn't work it's time for laproscopy. Then to a specialist. Apparently we will just shake hands with the specialist and walk out because we can't afford any... specialties. We just can't afford adoptions and we can't bear to be foster parents and then lose the kid. So that's the story and I'm sticking to it.

Hmmm... What am I missing???

2010-03-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

Clomid? Check. Prenatal vitamins? Check. Basal body thermometer? Check. Ovulation predictor kit? Check. Complicated ovulation chart? Check. Pregnancy test? Check. Husband? Doh!

Wait, when do I... How do I.... The circle is for.... Sigh

2010-03-12T09:40:00.000-08:00

Does it really have to be this complicated??????? Can't we just fornicate like little rabbits???? (sorry mom)

WAITING FOR THE POT TO BOIL PART TWO (FOR REAL)

2010-03-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

So it's official the one legged race has begun again. Why is it so easy for some people and not for others. God says be fruitful and multiply, unfortunatly my fruit seems to be rotten! Come gentle readers, join me on my second journey through infertilty. Here we go again!

Hello, Old Friend

2009-06-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

Oh, little blog will you please forgive me? I abandoned you and left you out there in cyberspace all alone. (Does anyone say "cyberspace" anymore?) Will you forgive me? Will you give me another chance? I really, really need you. I'll treat you better this time. What do you say old pal?

Butterfingers, Bankruptcy, Baby and Baptism, (But not necessarily in that order)

2007-12-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

Oh, man where to I begin? I got myself baptized this past Sunday. I had been baptized as a baby, but I wanted to do it again as an adult. At our church it is a way of professing our faith publicly (Mathew 10:32) and being obedient to God. It was an amazing experience. I asked God to give me the words to say when I had the chance to answer, the "Why do you want to do this question." I had something planned, but something totally different, came out. I can't even remember all the words, because it didn't come from me. It was cool. I do need to mention, our church doesn't have a built in baptismal so what you see in that picture is an unused horse trough. You can't really tell in the picture, and it really doesn't look strange in person. Chris and some other guys spent over an hour pouring boiling water in so when I got in it was like a spa and was quite comfortable. I do not want to make light of the actual baptism, but that day at church was so strange. EVERYONE had the craziest things happen. I felt like I was in a Twin Peaks episode. Just a few: The pastor's son almost fell off the stage for no apparent reason, I went on stage to do a Christmas skit and my jingle bells broke and rolled all over the stage, someone shouted "Jesus!" really loud during the wrong part of a praise song, Chris went to put his arm around me, and hit me in the back of the head really hard, the guitarist knocked his guitar across the stage and some lady came back from the restroom with a giant toilet paper tail, sticking out of her pants. Thank God, Chris noticed all of this and more with me or I would have thought I was insane. "Oh my dear Lord, I am going to drown in the baptismal" I whispered to him. While we both started laughing, as quietly as possible, he said, "Can you imagine the headlines 'Woman drowns in a horse trough during service at local church' " Then we really got the giggles. I believe God has a wonderful sense of humor, and if I am right He must have been quite amused.

Onto the bankruptcy. We are filing and we are losing our house and I haven't been this happy and stress free in ages. I will tell you more about it as the process continues, but I will write about it with my normal humorous outlook. I'm tellin' you I am living in a cross between a soap opera and a country western song with just a dash of reality TV thrown in there. I have a 1200 sq foot home; my Mother and Father in-laws, my brother in law and Chris' grandma all live in the house. Chris, Liam and I stay in a trailer in our own backyard. Me and Chris decided we are a shoo in for Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Especially if my brother in law, David pretends so be mentally disabled and we tell the producer's that Liam is actually a 12 year old with a hormone deficiency. Oh man, the material this life is giving me right now....

So finally I will close a short Liam story. We were in the middle of Target yesterday; a crowded holiday shopping Target and we were in the home care section. Liam is telling everyone who passed within 25 feet of the cart, "HI!!! Hi! Hi, Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" He will not be ignored. Suddenly, clear as day he begins shouting, "F#$% You! F#$%k You!" And people begin to stare. "What?!" I say and frantically look around. I finally realize the row of vacuums behind us. "Oooohhh," I say very loudly, "Yes Liam, very good. VAC-UUMS. Lets work on our enunciation please." I don't get embarrassed easily, but that was mortifying.

Well, that's all for now, I have to relinquish the computer to Chris. Good night!

But first for my loyal readers, some pictures.

2007-11-30T14:53:00.001-08:00

Hello, gentle readers, (which pretty much means, you Mom.) Before completely overhauling the blog to meet my current needs, I thought I'd give you one last Liam fix. Yes he's rocking a mohawk. Don't you love the scowl? Again, TTC and Liam will still be a part of this new blog, it's just that, well this blog is about me. Me, me, me, me, me. Ah, it's good to be back.

Liam Loves the Water !

2007-07-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

Helloooo. Just thought I would add some pictures. The most recent was taken on July 5th--the one in the life vest. Hope all are doing well.

Summertime Fun

2007-06-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

I've just got nothing new and exciting to say right now, except work stuff. Liam is amazing and doing new things everyday. Sometimes it breaks my heart how much he looks like a little boy and not a baby. Every single day he says, "Hi, Mama" at least 50 times, and I NEVER get tired of hearing it. We are going through a bit of the "terrible twos at twenty two months" but nothing horrific. Well, OK, sometimes it is pretty horrific, but managable. OK, sometimes unmanagable, but hey, what are ya gonna do? He is just learning his boundries and asserting his independence. Til later!

Nothing to Say, Too Much to Say

2007-05-19T03:05:00.001-07:00

Let's see, since we spoke last:

*I had a bunch of fertility lab tests, more tomorrow

*I had/have a wicked cold

*I tore a muscle in my back

*I was lifting a 50 pound bag of dog food at the time

*I found out I am moving

*We bought a new trailer to live in until the housing market goes up

*Liam can say a whole bunch of new words

*Liam has begun the terrible twos early

*Liam wants us to read the same book 5+ times in a row

*It gets kinda boring

*Hearing "Gin, Gin" (again,again) does not get boring

*Liam's new words are "Buh-do" (bulldozer) "Yo-yo" "knee" "ebow" (elbow) "stinker" [whoops], "Day-Day" (Uncle David) "Joos" (Juice) "Pees" (Please) "Tay-tu" (thank you)

There Are No Words....

2007-04-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

This is a prayer for someone dear to me. She will know who she is.

Dear Lord, I come to you with my heart broken for my friend. I don't know why you chose this path for her to walk, and neither does she; but You did choose this, God, and You don't make mistakes. What we see, is what is going on now, but you see the whole picture. She may never understand why this happened in her lifetime, and that is hard. Please comfort her, Lord and let her know she is not alone. Help her turn towards You and not away. Lead her to find strength in You and love in her husband's arms. We can't possibly understand what your plans are in this life, but we know you love us. I look forward to the day when you fulfill her dream; until then please surround her with your love. Amen

Liam Using Sign Language

2007-02-28T23:02:00.000-08:00

Liam is really excelling in Sign Language. You may know I am fluent in ASL. I teach two beginning sign language classes at my church and I hope to someday finish my interpreting certification/degree. Also having a very close friend who is deaf, motivates me to teach Liam ASL. There is a great misconception that teaching toddlers Sign Language will inhibit and delay speech. The opposite has proven true. Here is a picture of Liam signing all done, and also saying "All-all." He can currently sign: swing, bear, bed, phone, tree, want, eat, more, bath and light. However his favorite is by far "All done." He uses it when he is finished napping and finished eating but he really likes to use it when he wants something to be done. Diaper changes, car rides and here in the picture to the left, he wanted desperately to leave the restaurant! It is amazing that at 18 months my son can tell me when he is hungry, tired or bored. I just wanted to share that with you!

I Have Soooo Much to Tell You....

2007-02-16T00:17:00.000-08:00

But right now, I am just too tired. Check back soon, please!!!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

It Never Hurts to be Prepared....

2007-02-03T20:35:00.000-08:00

And Now.....

2007-02-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

Some pictures....

Merry CHRISTmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-26T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm no longer working at the newer PD job. I'll be posting more very soon. Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!

Chester Polyester

2006-11-26T20:39:00.000-08:00

My dad came for a week and babysat Little Man. It was so sweet because my dad is an awesome man with 2 masters degrees and on his second week of retirement he came to help wipe noses and change dirty diapers. I had to work and Chris was down south attending his Uncle's funeral. My dad did an amazing job and the picture I added is of Liam in the outfit my dad chose for him. Most days I laid out his outfit for Dad. Heck I laid out outfits, schedules, food, spoons, you name it, and Dad was great.

I know I have been absentee as of late. If you wonder what I have been doing in my small amount of free time here it is: 5150world Yup, I've been cheating on you. If you want a Becca fix, not a Liam fix, that is where to find me. I think I will be posting a lot more here soon, though because, we are in negotiations for Waiting For the Pot to Boil, Part Duex. So much so that, I am going to a new Ob/Gyn next month to see why I haven't gotten pregnant this past year since we haven't been not not trying. I am starting to get a little nervous that we may have some issues to deal with again. I am pretty sure it is just the low progesterone, and I will just need "white bullets" again, but I am going to get some tests done to be sure. On a related/unrelated note, I'd like to tell you about my friend "Emma." Emma needs our prayers in a BIG way. Emma and her wonderful husband "Al" go to my church. Emma does work with the children and Al does drama ministry with me. Emma and Al are not only embroiled in the battle with infertility, but they have a VERY unique twist to their journey. Al is on the transplant list and his turn is coming up. His name is coming up in 6 months to a year. He is waiting for a new pancreas and kidney. It is a very exciting transplant because not only will he no longer have diabetes, which he has had his whole life, but he will no longer be tied to his dialysis machine. Every night he is hooked up by stomach tube to a machine, which is a real burden. So, the glitch is they are running out of time. As soon as Al gets his transplants, he will be so filled with anti-rejection meds; procreation will be no longer an option. God has placed them on my heart. They too are paying for everything out of pocket, and they too can afford to have a child, but cannot afford to adopt one. Emma has read my earlier journey and she says knowing I went through the same thing really helps. I have been praying for them so hard. Will you pray for them too? Yesterday Emma, told me that for like the first time ever her period is late. Still today. She is filled with that old arch enemy of mine; Hope, and as you know, Hope can be so very cruel. I am terrified of her hopes being dashed in a day or so. This one is going to hurt really bad if it is false, I can feel it. Please pray that if their is a bean, it sticks and if their isn't she doesn't despair.

Ok, I am at work, gotta go my friends. G'night

Greetings

2006-11-16T12:50:00.000-08:00

Well if you want to know more, you're just going to have to visit Liam Land! I had to cut this book/blog off somewhere. I hope you enjoyed the Watched Pot.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO YOU

2006-10-31T22:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me! Yup I am 31 today. Here are a few pics of me and little man. I am a punk rocker, not a hooker as someone else thought.... I would love to hear from everyone out there! De-lurk and tell me what you or someone in your family were this Halloween. Pretty please? For my birthday present? Thanks!
(DANI: I think that was the best birthday present I have ever gotten. I am amazed and soooooooooo touched. Thank you to my dear friend.)

Too Tired To Talk

2006-10-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

So here are a few recent pictures for you. I have some bizarre news. We are beginning discussions for TTC baby #2. I have conflicting emotions. Don't want to miss out on any Liam time, but as you know I WILL have hyperemesis again. Will I vomit 35 times a day again? Will it be worse? I hate puking. We really want our kids to be right about 2 years apart so that means starting all over again in December. And who knows how long it will take. First things first. I have to go to the doctor and find out if my Progesterone is still too low. At least we aren't starting at square 1 this time. More like 5...Til later

Weh Sick heh in LiamLand

2006-10-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Translation: We are sick here in Liam Land. Man we feel like crap. Here are some new pictures, but now I must crawl back to bed. I have so much to tell you when I get better.

Hello From Liam Land!

2006-09-28T12:14:00.000-07:00

The picture of Liam with the blue "baby" is cool because that doll was my husband's when he was Liam's age. The picture of Liam in the stroller, is him going, "Whoo whoo" because he heard a train. Liam is taking about 10 steps alone now and he is so funny about it. Every single time does it he gets excited, as if he had never walked before! We are having sooo much fun here in Liam Land lately. Little Man is making leaps and bounds daily in the development department. (I swear I am not using annoying aliteration on purpose!) Anyway, I-----oh poop, I think Liam is waking up from his nap, I thought I had at least 20 mins oh well, write more later about my new dispatching job!

Just Some Stuff...

2006-09-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get a one year old to understand "no" or "don't"? I cannot get Liam to understand when he does something wrong. Mostly he is like a moth to a flame with electrical outlets. I am a dog person and somehow I don't think spraying him with water is socially acceptable, but at this point I am willing to try just about anything! I thought tantrums were for 2 year olds? Who knew!

Ok, so here is what is going on in Liamland and the lesser known Momsville. Liam is standing for long periods of time and walking along things but has stopped trying to walk alone for now. Doesn't help that I really don't push him. I am not looking forward to chasing him down constantly as he is already a bit of a terror! He still has the little patches of pimples on his cheeks, but thanks to Cetaphil they are finally clearing up, I think. A few of my favorite things are Cheerios, Baby Einstein Dvds and the "baby octagon." These often buy me some much needed time. Right now Liam is mesmerised by "Baby Gallileo" so I am happy I can update WFTPTB.

And now in Momsville: I start a new police dispatching job just 6 miles from home and across the street from Chris' parents on Friday! I am really excited. Chris still driving really far to work but gas prices have gone down ($2.65), he has found someone to carpool with and with only one of us going back and forth that cuts down our gas bill by hundreds and hundreds. Crazy. I have become really active in my church, teaching sign language on Mondays, Women's Bible Study on Tuesdays and now I am doing some performing in sign language and acting during future services. We are starting "40 Days of Purpose" which is a program based on the book, "The Purpose Driven Life" and I am pretty excited about that. I am a very social person and this church has sooo many young families, I love it. I have found 2 fellow infertiles and I even went out on a limb and shared this blog with one of them. I hope it gives her a few laughs and that she and I become friends. Chris is job is OK, he has been shot at 3 times this week so that is not good, but none of the bullets hit him or his partner so that is good... He has been offered an amazing position teaching his favorite subject: close combat, so we have a lot to think about. My dogs are all doing fine. They are still under house arrest, due to nosey neighbors, but we are managing. Camping recently helped aleviate the boredom for them. Now if I could only stop the shedding....Winter will help but with winter comes muddy paws. Ok, that is all for now, sorry it was a bit dull, but I had a lot to catch you up on!

The Cutest Cowboy in the World !!!!!!

2006-09-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Finally got some professional pictures done. I love them! Please keep voting on the Halloween costume (one post below). Chris wants the bear suit and he says his vote is worth 5! Help!

It's Almost That Time of Year, Again !

2006-09-08T03:29:00.000-07:00

OK, it's no where near Halloween yet, but you'd never know it by going into the local grocery stores, around here! Back to the matter at hand...What do you think, bear or monkey? I gotta tell you, I am leaning heavily towards the monkey. First of all it comes with that adorable stuffed monkey and second of all, we call Liam "Monkey" so it would be extra cute. Another good thing about both of these costumes, is that there will be no animal confusion. Remember last Halloween's Chicken/Duck debate? All right guys, I want the lurkers to de-lurk and the regulars to come on out. Everybody votes!!!!!! Please?

Some Updates

2006-09-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

Liam finally mastered "normal" crawling instead of what we were calling the "wounded soldier routine" of low crawling on his belly. Now he walks along furniture and on our fingers. He was trying out a few steps alone but now seems to not want to try that anymore right now. Lately he stands up, realizes he is standing and quickly grabs something. He is still a very very happy baby, but lately he gets frustrated when we tell him, "no" and hits. I don't like that and I am trying to nip that one in the bud. Mostly he is told no for biting us, biting the furniture and playing with cords/outlets. Man what is it about electrical outlets that draws Liam like a moth to a flame?!? He "talks" constantly even though he doesn't say many real words yet. He tries to copy us and it is really cute. He loves rubber duckies and I thought he was trying to say duck when he would say "Cuk, Cuk" every time I showed him a duck. Finally figured out he is saying his version of "quack quack." I love it. The other night I put his rubber ducky in the corner of his crib and the next morning I heard him on the montior saying "Cuk, cuk, cuk, cuk." I woke up laughing--what a great way to start the day!
Advice needed: Liam's little cheeks are broken out, possibly from a contact allergy with food. Anyone have that happen to their little one? Any thoughts on how to get rid of the pimples? We are going to start using Cetaphil and see if that works. Well, that is all for now. Til later!

Birthday Pictures!

2006-09-05T07:39:00.000-07:00

Sorry I disappeared for a while there! So here are pics from his birthday party. What a blow out! Everyone I invited came except one. We had a lot of fun. This time he got his own cake. We learned from his first party; no one wants to eat mashed up cake. He was such a ham. Guess you can't be related to me with out having a massive repetoire of facial expressions! I love the one down below where he is smelling his feet! I will add a picture soon of this massive stuffed bear he got. It is like 4 feet tall and Liam loves to talk to it. More later!

More Birthday Pics

2006-09-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

Here are some more!

Happy REAL Birthday!

2006-08-22T16:17:00.000-07:00

We made it! I will post many more pictures from his party later. It was so much fun!

Liams First-First Birthday Party

2006-08-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Little man is not one yet but we had a small early party at my parent's house. We put the cake in front of him, and let him go! He had no idea what to do, so Chris put some frosting on his lips, (he is not short on oxygen, like it seems from the pictures!) He never did try and eat it. Hit big blow out will be this Sunday, following his Dedication to the Lord at church. I tried to cut the guest list due to a lot of $ going to the dogs (literally), and my depression, but the guest list is up to over 20 with about 5-6 people spending the night before at our house...Whoops! Good thing is my meds are slowly kicking in, so each day is better and better. Well, that is all for now!

My Little Cue Ball

2006-08-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

Had a little haircutting mishap. Sigh. Oh well it's just hair, it will grow back. Lucky for us Liam's hiar grows at the rate of Chris' which seems like over night. It was even shorter 2 days ago when the "incident" occured. That first picture just kills me, doesn't he look like a little boy! Guess what? Today Liam took his first steps! He took about 5 feet worth and he was so excited. Well, later guys!

And on a Lighter Note......

2006-08-05T02:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh, isn't he just too cute??? I worked back to back shifts so I spent the night at a friends house who lives really close to my job, and I haven't been home in over 24 hours. I can't wait to hug and kiss Little Man in just a bit over 6 hours. Liam looks so much more like a little boy than a baby lately, it is amazing. Neat but kinda sad. No more tiny baby. I just love the way his top row of teeth look when he smiles. Remember how I mentioned, that since he was born, he loves to watch me brush my teeth? Well it has come in handy, because he knows what happens when it is time to have his own teeth brushed and he really likes it. It is so cute when he gets bad breath. I know that sounds weird but it is funny to me.

I'm Still Here !

2006-08-03T02:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, Liam and I have been sick. Plus I have been having kind of a rough time, being off of my anti-depressants. I keep telling myself now that I am back on them, "only 3 more weeks and then it will get better," but sometimes it is really, really bad. I used to tell people, "I am like a diabetic who needs insulin, except I need Serratonin (sp?)" but I never really believed it. I thought if I wanted it bad enough I could get better on my own. Now I know better.
Well, that is all for now, til later.

Liam is 11 Months Old Today!

2006-07-22T20:47:00.000-07:00

We got him this thingy...Well we call it "The Octagon of Fun" but I don't know what it is really called. It is a baby gate that makes a secure enclosure...I am making this more difficult than it has to be---you get it right? Anyways tonight Chris, Me and his parents were all eating dinner watching Liam play in it. He stood up and then holding on to the top for support, he walked the perimeter of his octagon, stopping at each of us and doing his sign for "want", sampling each of our dinners as he went along. It was hilarious. His gramps said he is going to get Liam a tin cup so he can bang it on the "cell." I took picures but I didn't have time to download them b4 work.
So after a very stressful week, I got my job offer at the PD close to home (Yay!!!!) Today I got the paperwork in the mail and they are offering my a dollar less an hour than the lowest pay step! I have 5 years dispatching experience, that is so insulting!!!!! I promtly went into the kitchen cupboard, removed my Zoloft from the shelf and counted out 10. I am just kidding but I did go back on my meds because I feel like I am having panic attacks and I am not "myself" and that added stress was just the final straw. So, in 4 weeks when it is back in my system, I should be back to normal (whatever that is!) Even if I have another panic attack again it is nice to know that help is on the way, just hang in there. Til later guys!

All Present and Accounted For

2006-07-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

Thank you God! We will be taking Bailey to the vet tomorrow to find out what is really wrong with her leg. Everyone is doing really well, except Bailey. Time will tell if she is affected by being alone in the "wild" with no food or pack leader, or if she is just acting a bit withdrawn due to the pain. That is a poochie who is getting some massive TLC!!
They would not allow us to bring all of them home. My buddy Maja took custody of Gabby. Then the Animal Control Nazi followed us home to verify and take pictures of Riley in her kennel (???). I plead the 5th after that. Thanks guys for your thoughts and prayers. God loves all of his creatures and He sure was watching out for my guys.

My Own Personal Purgatory

2006-07-17T21:51:00.000-07:00

I was taught in Catholic school that Purgatory was Hell with hope. That is exactly where I feel like I am now. Good news first: BAILEY HAS BEEN FOUND!!!! Now the bad news: now they know we have 4 dogs and they say we have to get rid of one of them. I am terrified they won't give us the normally allowed time for our city--72 hours--to find her a new home, (at which point we would hide Bailey til we can move somewhere else). I am scared that they will tell us to pick 3. This will never happen so I am terrified my husband will shoot someone. If you see in your local newspaper: DOGS TAKEN HOSTAGE AT SHELTER, that would be us. They let us give Bailey a bath at the shelter today and we noticed it looks like her leg is broken. Remember that THEY lost her so therefore THEY are liable...they never even noticed how swollen it is and that she is non weight baring on that leg, then they took her to their contracted vet after we demanded it, and she told us it could be cancer....CANCER??? We almost caught Bailey yesterday, and she was fine. Totally freaked but intact. Supposedly she developed cancer in 24 hours???? Gee could it be that is the only diagnosis that saves their freakin' arses?????? So please pray for us tomorrow, that we get all 4 dogs under one roof, safe and sound. Til tommorrow....

My Own Personal Hell

2006-07-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Anyone who reads this blog and has been with me for a while, knows I am obsesed with and adore my dogs. All four of them. Came home 3 nights ago to a business card from the local sheriffs department with a note on the back that said, "Your dogs have been seized contact us for further information." Here is what I believed happened: the chihuahua from the yard behind us knocked down a fence post and came into the part of our yard that my dogs do not have access to. We fenced off that part of the yard because my dogs wouldn't stop barking at neighbor, Mario's dogs, so we put up chicken wire and they no longer bark back and forth endlessly with Mario's dogs. So the chihuahua came into our yard, my dogs went balistic, and tore down the chicken wire chased the chihuahua back into it's own yard (behind us) and killed the chihuahua, and then all four dogs scared the crap out of the vicitm dog's owner by scratching on her patio door frantically. All 4 of my dogs were captured by the sheriff's department and taken to animal control where they sheriff's then proceeded to LOSE BAILEY. That is right, they lost my sweet Bailey and she is still missing. The Animal Control (AC) has determined that Riley (of course because she is a pitt bull) killed the chihuahua and yet they won't let us have Gabby and Xena back because the sheriff's are doing their own investigation because one of the officers wrote in his report a child was bit. They meant to write a dog was bit, but their stupid mistake means Xena and Gabby are still locked up. Ironically we may get Riley out first because we are not contesting her being classified as a "dangerous animal." Oh, and get this among the many, many things we are being fined with, they are charging us for having one too many dogs even though THANKS TO THEM FOR LOSING ONE OF THEM, we are now forcibly complying with having the allowed number of dogs. The AC lady is a cop-hating nazi and she is making this so very hard on us. We built a kennel and did tons of repairs on the fence. She came for a yard inspection on Friday and required about $100 more upgrades on the fence and when she saw the kennel said it had to have a dog house. I told her my dogs refuse to use those, so I am not going to waste money on that and she was like, we'll just see about that. Bottom line is I understand taking Riley, classifying her as dangerous, making her have rules like staying in a kennel when not attended etc. but friggin give me back Xena and Gabby already! Because of the sherrif's mistake, fees are adding up and Xena and Gabby won't come home until Monday or Tuesday. We hope.
We put up fliers all over for Bailey today and got 3 calls of people who all saw her in the same area this morning but so far no luck. I feel just sick at the thought of her getting hungry (it has been 4 days), and I am afraid she will get hit by a car. I feel bad about the chihuahua I really do, but it did come into my dog's territory. The AC nazi says my dogs must have pulled the boards into our yard and gone into the other dogs yard and attacked it. Unprovoked? That doesn't make any sense. If my dogs wanted to get at the chihuahua they could have busted down the boards from where they were and gotten into that yard. Something made them tear down the chicken wire and go after something that was already in their yard, it is the only senario that makes any sense. So for the rest of the weekend, until we bring the dogs home again, we will be upgrading the fence, visiting the pups in jail and searching for Bailey. Pray that all goes as well as can be expected with this situation and I will keep y'all updated. I am just too drained to write anymore on this topic right now. Til later.

I May Be an Ass, But Doesn't my Hair Look Great!

2006-07-11T01:08:00.000-07:00

Here is my new haircut, I really like it. I feel like an Ass, BTW, for thinking no one cared or read this blog anymore. Thanks for the comments. And hey, my mom didn't comment, and I know she is still out there! Til later.

But the Drugs Make Me Nicer.....

2006-07-11T00:27:00.000-07:00

How do I explain this....I have been off my anti-depressants for almost two months now and I am not sure what to think. I have a larger range of emotions, which is cool, but now that range seems to include homicidal rage. Oh, I am not having thoughts of hurting myself, litte man or anything like that, but everyone else? Fair game. I have zero patience and I don't like it. Can a person go back on their meds just because they are a bitch without them? I don't think that is their proper or intended use. Do I just have to relearn patience and civility? Buy a Zen garden? Take up knitting? I don't know what to do, but if I don't think of something soon, I just may throttle someone. No one is safe. Be afraid, be very afraid....

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY ! ! !

2006-07-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Hello?

2006-06-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

Is anybody out there anymore? I am thinking of stopping this blog and just keeping Liam's family picture blog.....Either way I think I may make August 22nd, Liam's first birthday the last post over here. Not sure yet. Til later!

Today's Liam Fix

2006-06-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

Forbidden Lovers

2006-06-24T08:22:00.000-07:00

Theirs was a forbidden love, it was a love that could not be named---or denied...Shocking!

Happy Ten Month Birthday, Liam !

2006-06-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

What a little ham!

Little Man, I Love Thee

2006-06-18T23:22:00.000-07:00

Funny how Liam has 3 boxes full of toys, but he always returns to this tupperware container that I put a rubber stopper in, so it makes a lot of noise. Also, I do love that one of his favorite toys is a toothbrush. It means he should have really good dental hygeine in the future. Cool. I think Liam is going to skip crawling all together and go straight to walking. He rolls where ever he wants to go, which isn't far because he is content just hanging out. But lately, he immediately reaches out for hands and then stands up and begins walking. Over and over and over again he grabs onto, pants, arms, fingers and just pulls up and starts walking. He is a walking fool. And a jumping fool too. I will have to add a picture of his new freestanding Jumperoo. It was annoying because we got one of those cool Johnny Jump Ups that you hang on the doorjam, but 3 problems arose: #1 he goes crazy, pushes off and slams his head into the doorway, or #2 the room we spend the most time in, doesn't have a door jam to hook the thing to or #3 we hang the jumper in the closet that is near the room we spend time in and he grabs onto the coats for dear life. So last visit my mom spoiled him rotten and got him one we can move from room to room; it is awesome. It is hard to want to spoil that kid, because as you can tell from the pictures, he is so moody and sullen..... I like the picture where he has the fruit puff stuck to his face. Now that he learned to feed himself those stars, he grabs fist fulls and just jams them in. At first it made me freak out, that he would choke, so I would ration them out to him. Later I found out that over half of them, never made it to his mouth, they were left behind on the high chair. When that happens, Xena, ever thoughtful, comes along behind and inhales them. Well, til later!

That Dog is an Angry Drunk

2006-06-17T06:26:00.000-07:00

One beer among 4 dogs = healthy shiny coats. One beer inhaled by one dog because she wouldn't share= a mean drunk. Allow me to explain: after Xena threw back an entire Bud Light, and we realized what had happened, she was cut off. Xena however, did not get the memo. First she slammed the beer bowl loudly around the kitchen, then came into the TV room to make sure we had noticed. Angered by our snickers she returned to the kitchen for more bowl bashing. When that didn't work, she walked up to Chris and stared, waited until he dropped his beer lower and then repeatedly bonked said beer aggressively with her nose. Then when even over-dramatic sighs and long uncomfortable stares didn't work, she finally gave up and retreated to a corner to sulk. Poor, poor alcoholic puppy. What is this world coming to when a dog can't get her buzz on.... (snort.) PS Happy ninth birthday Xena, my fur covered angel.

Those Were the Days.....

2006-06-11T22:44:00.000-07:00

Love how the picture is all tattered---like I am so old! On that note, I am getting weary of Chris telling Liam, that they can't trust me since I am over 30. (He is a year and a half younger than me.) I knew when we got married and I teased him about the age difference, it would come back to haunt me, but now I have this kind of thing to look forward to every 10 years. I am seeing us on a porch, rocking in our chairs and him saying, "I am only in my 80s, you are in your 90s...." Or, "You are a Senior Citizen and I am not." Not fair, I only got to taunt him for one year. Sigh.
I am at work right now. I should be creating a lesson plan for my sign language class that starts tomorrow, but I am stalling. Excited and nervous, but stalling.
So I told you how we were kind of "not, not trying" Well, I put an end to that. I realized that I am not ready to be so sick again. I hate it when people say, maybe I won't get sick next time, because I know hyperemesis, is reoccuring and I feel like "they" just don't get it or don't believe how real it is. My doc said it will happen each pregnancy and hyperemesis.org confirms that too. I also am having so much fun with little man that I don't want to miss out because I'm too busy barfing. Plus I would like to have Liam enjoy and share the experience and be my little helper. Dare I even dream he could be out of diapers when the time comes. Also, looking at the above picture reminds me, I can do better than this. Fitness and food wise, I can potentially clean up pretty well, when I give it an effort. If I don't lose this baby weight and get in shape before next time, I might not get another chance. I heard it is really hard to get a flat stomach back after a C-section, (course you'd never know it looking at A. Jolie, Denise Richards and other stars. I swear they have a C-section/tummy tuck combo.) I am hoping to get motivated any day now. Another thing on the topic; Liam LOVES little babies. He strokes their tiny hands and stares adoringly at them, I hope he stays like that. Even with not yet "trying" again, it is hard to believe that, going on the plan of starting to try when Liam is almost 2; that is only a year or so away! It is funny, if I knew next time would take as long as last time, we would start now! Oh, that reminds me, since I suffer from endo, I was talking to my doc, worrying that since this last period was a 6 advil-er again, that it was coming back, and that I would need surgery again. She said not to worry, that wasn't likely but to hurry up and get back on the pill as that it kind of puts a hold on endo. I didn't know that, if I did, I would not have been so cavalier in my whatever happens, happens mode these past few months. Gosh darn it, it is either, ovulation tests, progesterone sups and "Oh, no honey you do NOT get a night off"and head stand, or it is the pill. No more ambivelance for me!
Oh, man we are having a rough time with Liam right now. He is teething and 2 nights ago he had a fever of 102 and couldn't sleep. We had been giving him Tylenol and when we finally called the pediatrican at 2 am they said, nope use Motrin. That took the fever right down in no time. Then last night he woke up every two hours for various things. One time he was "stuck" side ways and upside down at the top of his crib, another he wouldn't stop fussing for absolutely no reason I could discern, then later he was wet, then finally/later still, I fed him and brought him to bed with me and he slept like a rock. Mama on the other hand looked like she had been beaten with rocks. Oh man, I felt like warm cat poop this morning. Yuck. How can someone barely 2 feet long hog the bed so much?!? Liam is also fussy because he has a rash. Both of grandparents were here today and they were throwing out ideas, like food allergies and heat rash. I kind of sunk into the background and attempted to become one with the carpet as I remembered how I put a new T-Shirt on him with out washing it first and how the rash is on his back and front and on his forehead, you know all the areas a T-shirt would touch. No one asked, and I was not volunteering! OK, enough stalling, til later!

Mama and Baby

2006-06-07T23:40:00.000-07:00

What a little chunk, he is! Man he is really getting to be a fun age. He can feed himself fruit puffs, (well 1/2 of them end up on the floor, in his lap, stuck to his face or in a dogs tummy.) He is almost crawling and he loves to lower voice and yell really loud. I have been having to work a lot lately and I really miss him. Should be getting that local job pretty soon....can't wait.

Yo Yo, W'sup ?

2006-06-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

Now you know why we have always called him "Homie." Here are some pictures of Little Man chillin' in his crib. He is too fly for a white guy. Peace.

Yeah, it is EXACTLY what you think it is....

2006-06-02T22:32:00.000-07:00

Apparently Liam was jumping on his entertainer, so vigorously a big glob of pooh, fell out of the side of his diaper. He then toe-painted in it while my MIL ran and grabbed the camera. Remember my prior post on how I have "fecal-a-phobia?" This did not help. All I can say is I am glad it happened on Grandma PC's watch and not mine. Oh, and way to go capturing it on film! PS. Within minutes, Liam was in the tub, both he and the entertainer were thoroughly hosed down and sanitized, lest you think, EEEEWWWWWW.

What Little Tough Guy

2006-06-02T01:43:00.000-07:00

Liam is such a ham, but holy cow he is really tough. He leans in like he will kiss you and then "BAM!" Head butt! Which he finds really funny. If he drops something on his head or you accidently run him into the wall, (not that I have, but you know IF it happened) he says, "AAHH." With a scowl and then he is over it. But do not, I repeat, do not anger the baby by removing an inappropriate-for-playing-with-object, unless you are fully prepared to replace it with an appropriate toy, because man, you will incur the wrath of the tiny man, and it is not pretty. Shoot howdy, he has really learned to express himself this past week. I feel bad for him because he is cutting so many teeth at once. 2 new ones on the bottom and 4 on the top. He is sooooo fussy which for him means he is kind of whiny about 20% like a normal baby instead of the freakishly good baby he usually is 95% of the time. Yeah, poor me.
So I went to Target today and I had the "Baby Pile" that had diapers, wipes, formula etc., and I had the "Maybe Pile." which had all the stuff (like new towels and egads, a lace blouse), that I wanted but was pretty sure would go over budget. Yup, "Maybe Pile" never made it home. Sigh. But gosh darn it I bought that Dean Koontz book, cause Mama needs her favorite author. Anyway I was trying to pay, and Liam just flipped out. Arching his back and totally making a scene, and I say to him, totally exasperated, "Why are you crying? You got everything in your pile. I'm the one who should be crying!" I am really not used to him being fussy.

I Like to be Daring....BUT NOT WITH MY FOOD !!!

2006-05-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

I am at work, and all I can think of is food. I am starving and having very bad food luck today. first I bit into my turkey sandwhich and it was bad, so after spitting it out and wiping down my tongue, I ate a TV dinner which had portions small enough for an infant. Then I had a Slim Fast which promised that it now, "Controls hunger longer," but I was hungry IMMEDIATELY, so how does that help me? Finally I had ANOTHER TV dinner, only to realize what I thought was chicken nuggets, was fish nuggets, EWWWWW!!!!!!! Ok, first of all my dad and I have a "nothing from the sea" policy for food, and secondly have you ever bitten into fish expecting chicken? Holy crap! It is kind of like drinking a root beer you thought was a Dr. Pepper, but sooo much worse! I may be repeating myself, but when I was pregnant, I thought my sandwich smelled really weird, but who knows...so I had my co-worker Selene smell it for me. She said "It's fine, smells just like ham." And handed it back. I chucked that thing so far across the room into the trash. "What did you do that for??" she asked, "BECAUSE IT WAS TURKEY!!!!!!!!!" OMG I hate food mishaps, I love to eat and I take my eating very seriously!!!!! Chris, can't stand the whole process of eating; he does it because he has to but he rarely enjoys it. Why can't I be like that. When I imagine heaven, I honestly see myself eating whole entire feasts. Sad I know..... Speaking of daring events I am completely naked, au nautrel, free as a bird....medication wise that is. Not only did I stop taking my birth control pills months ago, which Chris and I have deemed fondly, our game of "Russian Roulette" which, if you read this blog at all, you know is not a game being played with blanks! Ha Ha Ha....sorry Mom.... I digress, what I mean is, I stopped taking my Zoloft. It was accidental at first, I realized I hadn't taken it in quite some time. Then I realized it was too late; it was already out of my system (five days +), soooooooo what the heck, whether I immediately started taking them again, or adopted a nervous yet excited, "wait and see," attitude, it would make no difference. No matter what, if I decide to go back on them, I have to wait 4 weeks for the drug to take effect. I have been on them for over a decade and the first night I was so scared and tense. I kept giving my concerns to God and then taking them back. Part of my chemical imbalance includes obsessive thoughts and I have had a them once or twice, but it was really easy to "reboot" and force myself to think different thoughts. Now this was very minor compared to the extreme obsesive thoughts I am capable of having, but it is really good to know that I may now have the maturity and stubborness to fight it. My doctors told me after pregnancy my chemical imbalance may right itself. I have no problem going back on them if I must, I am not ashamed. I will keep you updated. So far, I can honestly say, my range of emotions has been more real and more vivid than I can remember...and I like it.

Lots of Fun In the Summer Sun

2006-05-25T03:42:00.000-07:00

So my mom and pop in law, bought us an inflatable pool. Love it! It gets over 110 degrees during the summer so don't think I won't be joining little man. At first he gave us these long suffering looks, like, "What did I do to deserve this? Was I bad? Did I upset you somehow?" And lots of over dramatic, "Ohhhhhhs" like we had first filled the pool with ice cubes. After awhile he decided, it wasn't so bad. Then after we removed his 5 pound diaper, he was even happier. Chris says Liam's sun hat is "gay." I say he can't look gay, he is just a baby. This conversation went much like the Halloween costume, "is he a duck or a chicken" conversation where we must agree to disagree. Not gay.

Liam As The Pitt Bull Whisperer

2006-05-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

Pictures

2006-05-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to Me...Waaaaaaahhhhh

2006-05-14T18:57:00.000-07:00

Here is what I get to do on my very first Mother's day:

Drive to work, which is 3 counties, 8 freeways and 12 cities away for a grand total of 150 miles round trip! Do you feel sorry for me? Just a tiny bit? OK, then I feel better. I actually do not mind working tonight at all. My friend's shift that I am covering, has 2 little ones that will actually remember and notice if she is not there! But gosh darn it, I am taking next Mother's day off! And maybe even dare I say.... Liam's first birthday???? I have been working a lot this month; making hay while the sun shines so to speak. My in laws just moved here and there is a lot of work to be had at my old job and the extra money doesn't hurt. So far this month, though I have already put over 1000 miles on my truck and about $400 in gas. Yikes! I dunno how much it is where you live, but here it is running at $3.15 on a good day and $3.35 on a bad day. I am in backgrounds for a job at a local police department, and I am soooo excited because it is only 6 miles, one city, same county and 8 minutes away. PD backgrounds take forever, though so until about August, I'll be doing the long commute 2-4 times a week. I have my Polygraph on Thursday at 10am after an all night shift. I may sleep through it...while hooked to the machine. I am either a really good polygraph subject or a horrific one, depending on which way you look at it. I was raised Catholic, and that guilt stands out like massive red flags on a lie detector test. Last one I took, the guy asked me if I had ever stolen anything, besides the porcelain figurine, that I admitted to stealing from Inga in the second grade. Which by the way I would have gotten away with had my brother not told on me. So I said, no and then after the test the polygraphist said, I did fine, but what was I thinking about when he asked me the stealing question? He was curious. Oh, I said laughing, this morning Chris told me to stop stealing his work socks and I couldn't stop thinking about that. He found that very amusing. When he asked me about, if I had ever done drugs, he stopped the test and asked if I was paying attention because the reading was SO flat! Nope, I just never did them. I'd like to think I would never have experimented with the "Mary Jane" but truth is no one ever offered, so I don't know what I would have actually done, had the situation arose. I probably would have said no to marijuana. I am POSITIVE I would have said no to anything else. I took a sip of a wine cooler at a Vons grocery expo I was working when I was 17, and felt bad about it for ages. Oh yeah and I had 1/8 of a can of Zima at a Vons company picnic that same year. Bad Vons, bad! Oh, great now I am going to be thinking about this, when the guy asks me if I have ever had problems with alcohol. Thanks Catholic guilt.

Happy Mother's Day, guys!

Hawaii 5-O Baby

2006-05-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

Look at that face, can't you just tell he is up to no good? I have been working a lot lately and I miss little man soooooooo much. I am trying not to work 2 days in a row but the truth is since I pretty much only work nights, I am totally useless and mostly unconcious the next day. At least I get to feed Liam his breakfast in the morning and when I go to bed at 9 am it is his first nap time, so we cuddle. Well first he fights sleep and smacks me in the head several times, then we cuddle. No wait, first he goes "Dadadadadada" for a few minutes, then "TTTTTTTTHHHHBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT" then smacks me in the head and THEN we cuddle. I love it. Only 8 more hours plus 2 on the road til cuddle time!

Man I am Beat!

2006-05-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Look at that mischievious face! Is it any wonder I haven't posted in awhile? This little guy is a riot, but whew, he keeps me hoppin'! He isn't crawling yet---what he does is plants his face in the carpet and scootches his butt up about 1/2 an inch, with the end result of, well, frustration. Mainly he just rolls over and over, everywhere he wants to go. Oh my, when he starts crawling there will be no stopping him......

No Belching, No Farting

2006-04-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

Did I ever mention, Chris and I have a " no belching, no farting clause" in our marriage? Before we got married Chris said that we would not be doing these things, (this was shortly after a visit to our friend's house where "S" ran over and farted on "D"s leg), because they kill the romance. We are coming up on NINE years of marriage, this July 4th and I have still NEVER heard Chris fart or burp outside of the bathroom or occasionally during sleep. (Oh he's gonna kill me!) I on the other hand have been nicknamed "Stinky" on many occasions. What can I say, silent but violent, just doesn't happen for me...What was my point? Oh, unfortunately Liam seems to be getting all my bad traits. Stinky feet and massive flatulence. Well, wait, I don't have massive flatulence but, you know what I mean. He also has good traits from me like big brown eyes and strong opinions. From Chris, so far his hair and nails grown at an amazingly fast rate, he is VERY tough and he loves to be outdoors. So far so good, I think. I can deal with a little stank when it comes from such an awesome good natured baby!
Wow that was a totally random entry....

Jesus Died For Us

2006-04-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

When I look down at the miracle that is my son, my breath catches and my chest tightens. I pray each night, "Please allow me to raise him to be emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, intellectually and psychologically healthy. Please let me raise him to be a good Christian man. A warrior for you Jesus." I am able to do this because Jesus died for me. I am not worthy, but he thinks I am worth it. I am thankful for all that I have this Easter and every day. I pray that someday far, far in the future, Chris and I will be able to sit on a porch somewhere surrounded by Liam's children. There are no words to express my gratitude. This life I lead is amazing.

Hoppy Easter !

2006-04-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

It's my Adorabunny! and my Pitt Bunny! The things I put this little guy through!!!!! Hmmm...what will I think of next????

Liam's First Love...

2006-04-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

Meet Taylor, Liam's first girlfriend. Aren't they adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those of you who have been with me a while will remember Taylor's mom Dorothy. Remember she and I started "trying" at the same time? She was my next door neighbor and our husbands worked together? She had Trevor and then almost a year later to the day, I had Liam, and now here is Taylor. Oh, that year she was pregnant and we were still trying was soooooooooo long. If "past" me could see "present" me today, I would have passed out with joy. I still sometimes can't breathe when I look at Liam and think of all God has blessed my family with this last year. I said it before and I'll say it again; if this is all just a dream, I don't want to wake up.

Carseat Required !

2006-04-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

This poor baby will tolerate anything! We were trying to take a picture of little man "behind the wheel" of my dad's new car, but failed to notice the seatbelt height. As you can see, he really wasn't impressed... Speaking of car seats, Liam went to his doc appt. on Monday and he is 19 pounds 14 oz, 27 inches long, which means time for the next car seat size soon, I think.

My Dream Guy

2006-03-28T21:54:00.000-08:00

My dream guy has a bald patch, a pot belly and uncontrollable flatulence. He screams when he doesn't get his way and he demands to be PAMPERed. He constantly interupts me and won't let me sleep in. He loves long walks and lets me push him around. He bears a strong resemblence to the Michelin man. He has a bit of a drinking problem and often hits the bottle. My dream guy has only two teeth and a massive drooling problem. Doesn't he sound just perfect? Trust me--he is.

The Biggest Lap Dog...IN THE WORLD ! ! !

2006-03-20T13:43:00.000-08:00

Riley has some self awareness issues. Apparently she thinks she is about the size of a Chihuahua and does not in fact weigh 75+. Hey, there is a reason we call my beloved pitt "Fat Ass." Unfortunately she is not known for her scholarly ways...Today Riley was sitting in front of Liam's swing and every time he swung forward he would kick her in the head. Sometimes Liam would even get a toe in Riley's eye. She just sat there, like, "Well, OK, guess this is the way it's gonna be." As Liam screamed in delight. And "they" say pitt's are all vicious...yeah right.

Jerry the Big Giraffe...

2006-03-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

"His neck is looooooong, his legs are stroooooong." That is the song I often sing to Liam. He LOVES his giraffe. So as a special treat, when we went to the zoo yesterday, Jerry was reunited with his flock...(herd? gaggle? pack? school?) When Liam is older, we well show him these pictures and tell him how we rescued Jerry from a life of confinement and oppression. Ha! Just kidding.....Actually considering how much Jerry is chewed on, pulled on and thrown around, his life may have been less stressful at the zoo.

Kidney Stoned

2006-03-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a kidney stone? Hmm... No? Then perhaps you've had someone weighing approximately 300 pounds, pogostick on your kidney? It is truly a joy to behold.
So I had lunch with a friend, and everything seemed normal. Then I went home and OMG some invisible Mohammed Ali-like person punched me repeatedly in the left kidney. Thud, down on my knees, I crashed. I called Chris and told him I needed to go to the hospital. I was certain it was a stone, as my Papa gets them quite regularly. Oh, the joys of childhood memories, my first bicycle, playing dollhouse, and Dad shaking a small paper cups saying, "Becky, come look at the size of this one!" Ewwww, Daddy!
Chris broke the speed limit and the sound barrier, getting home for me. He found me on the floor in the kitchen attempting to fix Liam a bottle. It wasn't going too well for Liam or I at that moment. It is a funny thing, 6 month olds just don't reason well with, "Sweetie, I know you're hungry, but Mama can't reach the formula from the fetal position here on the floor. "Chris got me quickly to the nearest hospital. Note: Don't ever admit to the nurse you think you have a kidney stone. That gets you triaged somewhere in between a bad case of the runs and bubble gum in the hair. So after an hour of rocking back and forth, they finally called me back. What was worse than the pain, at that point, was I felt like I had to pee, soooooooo bad. You might think, so? But try this, drink 2 beers, 6 glasses of Kool-aid, 2 gallons of water and imagine you are in a public place and unable to relieve yourself and that is how I felt. I could pee and then IMMEDIATELY, it felt like I had not even gone. Like that guy in Greek mythology, who pushes a rock up the hill only to have it roll right back down endlessly. Was that Dante? So that was me, pushing a kidney stone endlessly uphill... OK over dramatic. Continuing on, this whole time Liam was an angel. Screaming and laughing, entertaining the masses. Sometimes he would get really still and just stare at me, waiting until I would turn my head and look at him and then he would yell delightedly. That helped. Almost. We go back into the room and after endless questions they brought out a sword, used for fencing. Oh, wait that wasn't a sword, that was the 3 foot shot they intended to stick in my ass! With no exaggeration, the needle was this long
--------------------------------------------------------------------------, and it went all the way into my bum muscle. They said, if it is a kidney stone, this will help, if not, it won't. But will it help with the pee thing? "You mean {Medical term}: "sense of urgency pertaining to bladder issues" Yes that?!?!?! Perhaps. It didn't by the way, but it did help the kidney pain which was really nice. Time for a CAT scan. Cool, cause those don't hurt. So into a gown I go. Chris was tying the strings and he says, "Your underwear is on backwards." Funny I didn't notice. Wheelchair, came to take me to radiology. Now let me rewind for a moment. Remember when I gave birth, and I was mortified because my body hadn't seen a razor in ages. And I am Portuguese? And we are a friendly but a hairy people? Well, I was determined not to have a replay of that humiliation. Granted I was pretty safe from reenacting, the whole pooping on the table during a CAT scan, but ya know, I could do a little better than that even. So before we left for the hospital, I told Chris, "I have to take a shower. I absolutely have to even, if I crawl into it." He truly believed I was delirious. I didn't care, not one bit. There are just some things that can be accomplished through the pain. Fastforwarding now. So as I climb onto the CAT scan table, though in pain, I am so pleased, because I know, I know, not only will I not poop all over the table, I am also quite well groomed. As the gentleman/radiologist waits, I modestly climb upon the table. I look down at my smooth legs...and I notice a like 1 x 1 inch patch of like mountain man hair on my knee. How did I miss that????? "Uncross your legs please." The man says. Great, now I have drawn attention to it! So after the Cat scan, there was blood draws and more waiting. And peeing. Lots and lots of peeing. The doc came in and says, you have a kidney stone, it is about 3/4 of the way through your system. The worst should be over." "But what about the feeling of urgency????" Apparently you just have to wait that out. Oh they gave me something that would supposedly help, but all it did was turn my pee pumpkin orange. Nice, but not what I had in mind. They gave me Vicodin for the pain and Phenergen for the nausea. Weird I thought. It won't help the urgent pee problem and I feel better. I thought the worst was over. What nausea? Oh, sweet, sweet naivete. The pain he mentioned, that would be the excruciating, sobbing into my pillow and praying for mercy type pain that occurred that night. And the nausea that followed quickly after. I don't take Vicodin. It just makes me high, but doesn't touch the pain. I tried it when I got my wisdom teeth out. So Chris was rubbing my back, which helped a bit, when I panted, "Go....to...the...Pharmacy....and....GET THE VICODIN!!!!" "But that doesn't work for you," Chris wisely stated. "I don't care......maybe if I'm high....I won't mind....." By the time he returned I was onto the nausea but the pain had gotten bearable. So I took the Phenergen and it knocked me out.
So that is the story of my kidney stone and I have added a few pictures, to help compliment the story. Bottom line? It sucked. But I am so looking forward to possibly starting my own rock collection. "Liam, come see the size of this one!" "Ewww, Mama, no!" Good times, good times.

What It Felt Like......

2006-03-15T17:39:00.001-08:00

Yeeeee-Ouch!

2006-03-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

Object Enlarged to Show Texture.....

2006-03-15T17:38:00.001-08:00

Hmmm.....It felt a lot bigger than that on the way out.... Apparently, objects in hindsight may be smaller than they appear.....